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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have given DSD the box room?

88 replies

SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 11:10

Earlier this year DP and I bought our first house. We moved from a very small rented 2 bedroom house to a much bigger 3 bedroom house.

DSD barely spent any time at all in her room before we moved here so we gave her the box room and let her decorate it how she wanted (paint, curtains etc). We then used the other spare room as a sort of dumping ground / office (I'm studying and DP often works from home).

DSD is approaching 7 and tends to now spend a lot of time in her room. She spoke to me a few weeks ago and was a bit upset as she said her room is a bit small to play in. I feel bloody horrible that we have given her the small room now.

Our thinking at the time was that she's only here every other weekend plus half the holidays (a week at a time) and she barely used her last room to do anything other than sleep. I tend to study most evenings and DP works from home at least once a week so we thought we'd get most use out of the bigger room.

Were we unreasonable to give her the smallest room? We can't really afford to decorate the bigger room if we switched them around now.

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 12:54

Is DP actually worried, or just you?

Just me - DP thinks it's totally fine.

Another thought: is there any chance at all that you and DP might want to have a baby together at some point in the future...?

We'd love within the next few years - can't afford it right now though.

OP posts:
SEsofty · 11/10/2018 12:54

I wouldn’t call that a box room just the smallest room. Can you move the furniture around at all

Fishforclues · 11/10/2018 12:55

I think it was a reasonable decision at the time, and it's reasonable to revisit it now. The high sleeper as you're planning is a good solution, as is the funky rug & play tent in the office idea. Or you could have one desk in the little room and the other in the corner of her new bigger bedroom. Just adapt and move on to the next stage. A high sleeper will be much more expensive than changing paint and curtains of the bigger room though.

Does she feel welcome to play in the living room? I'd have thought that would be the perfect place, especially when one of you is working.

sunshineNdaisies · 11/10/2018 13:05

Could you have like a little summer house / wendy house in the garden, if it's big enough? If she's playing in the living room or dining room, that's not really private and she is going to want her on private space the bigger she gets.

Conservatory is also an option as an additional play space.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/10/2018 13:07

That's a reasonable room - certainly larger than some box rooms I've seen, including in my own house in the UK, which was only 7' square!
And my Dad's bedroom in his parental home which was less than 6' wide, and about 7' long. (I'm sorry, I just can't visualise metres, I know that's a bit crap these days but I can't)

I think the high sleeper is a good idea - I've just got one on order for DS2 so he can have his own room - his room will be smaller than the one your DSD currently has, and I was worried that he would have no play space either, until I thought about high sleeper beds. He's thrilled with the one he's getting!

tabulahrasa · 11/10/2018 13:08

Are yous working/studying while she’s there by any chance?

Just... if actually it’s a bigger room than she did have and she could use more space in her room than she does, I’m wondering if it’s actually not about the room size at all?...

It kind of seems more like a feeling a bit pushed out and she’s focusing on the room instead?

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 11/10/2018 13:13

I wouldnt

You only see her every other weekend. She should.be spending that time with her dad, not holed up in her room 🤷‍♀️

Bear2014 · 11/10/2018 13:13

OP if you look on local FB sites/ebay you should be able to get a really cheap high sleeper bed. They come up all the time on our local ones.

thecatsthecats · 11/10/2018 13:17

My own made up definition of a true box room is that you can only fit a single bed on one wall or smaller - e.g. one of the dimensions is less than 190cm. Gets a bit wooly once the other wall is very long, e.g. 4m, but I'd never want a room that narrow anyway.

You are fine in both directions. In fact, once we've extended ours internally, our 3rd room will be the same size, and I wouldn't feel bad about giving it to a child who was only there every other weekend.

Scrumplestiltskin · 11/10/2018 13:23

tabulahrasa and babyshark make good points. Perhaps your DP (and you?) should try going on days out together when she's at yours - get out of the house and spend time together at the park or cheap/free activities, and see if her complaints about the room go away?

diddl · 11/10/2018 13:24

"if we both need to study/ work at the same time. "

Does that happen often/ever?

SenecaFalls · 11/10/2018 13:25

Speaking as a step-child who has step-children, I would make the switch. You can still use the room when she is not there. Just explain that you can't afford to spend money to do it. It has to be as is.

tempyuseynamey · 11/10/2018 13:26

have nc for this but if it's anything like my friend's DD's room, then YABU. They could afford to move to a bigger house, but they chose not to. Yet always moan about their current house.

To have given DSD the box room?
suzy2b · 11/10/2018 13:44

My granddaughter is in my box room(don't know why they build houses with tiny rooms) i had to take the skirting board off to get bed in also had draws and bedside cupboard but has room in front of bed to play i think room is 6ftby8ft don't do cm

Pibplob · 11/10/2018 13:45

My daughter has the box room in our house (with windows 😂) and she is nearly 7 too. She often asks us to make it bigger and she would love a bigger room but she has to put up with it. She’s there all the time too so I’m sure your step daughter can manage.

Havaina · 11/10/2018 13:50

Pretty weird thing for a 7yo to bring up, especially if she plays elsewhere in the house.

Pibplob · 11/10/2018 13:52

Also we have looked at a high sleeper for her but it would block a lot of the window so we haven’t. Would help a lot though if we were able.

Onecutefox · 11/10/2018 13:53

Make the office out of the small room and give her the bigger bedroom.

TheChatsPyjamas · 11/10/2018 13:55

Do you and your dp have to work in the same room? We just moved my computer to a desk in our bedroom.

Only mentioning in case your office equipment would fit in the box room, if he could work elsewhere.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 13:59

She does spend a lot of time in the living room and we do try and go out together and do something outside at least once each time she visits (or more if she's there for a week).

I do personally spend a fair chunk of time studying when she's there, especially when she's in bed. I'm not sure if that's relevant though? And yes it does frequently happen that both DP and I need to work at the same time - but typically not when DSD is there.

@tempyuseynamey that room is tiny! Hers is much bigger than that. She must have about 1 m x 3 m of empty floor space.

@Onecutefox I've already said the office stuff won't fit in her room so if we switched her we'd lose our office space - which considering I'm currently studying isn't a particularly viable option.

I would say generally speaking she spends less than an hour per day playing in her room and that's usually early in the morning around 5:30/6ish.

OP posts:
sunshineNdaisies · 11/10/2018 14:17

surely you don't need a whole bedroom to study? I had a wee corner of our dining room with a wee table and a laptop and that was it. Could you convert the attic also?

Scrumplestiltskin · 11/10/2018 14:19

She must have about 1 m x 3 m of empty floor space.

I wouldn't worry then, SarahH12. My two (7 and 10,) currently share a room (they have a bunk bed,) which excluding their furniture has about that much floor space, and they manage fine! Perhaps she's just comparing it to what she has at her mum's?

Dorris83 · 11/10/2018 14:57

This is a non-issue in my opinion. She doesn't need a bigger bedroom. She has space to play and a room of her own where she feels safe to sleep in.
We gave my DS the smallest room even though we had bigger rooms available. He has a cabin bed and loves it. He doesn't play in there tbh, he mostly spreads his toys out through the front room!
It doesn't sound like it is an option to give her the bigger room anyway, plenty of kids will be sharing a bedroom at this age. Seriously, stop stressing, she is fine.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 14:59

surely you don't need a whole bedroom to study? I had a wee corner of our dining room with a wee table and a laptop and that was it. Could you convert the attic also?

If we can't afford to decorate one room we definitely can't afford to convert the attic. That'd be the long term plan though. I'm not entirely sure how we squish it all in the box room considering I have a big ergonomic setup due to my disability plus obviously storage for mine and DP's work and study material.

Perhaps she's just comparing it to what she has at her mum's?

Possibly although I know her Mum has done similar in that DSD has the smallest room and her spare room is used as dumping ground.

OP posts:
diddl · 11/10/2018 15:05

" DSD has the smallest room and her spare room is used as dumping ground."

That's a shame.

Perhaps if she had the bigger room at the home she's at most of the time, the smaller room at yours wouldn't seem a problem?