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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have given DSD the box room?

88 replies

SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 11:10

Earlier this year DP and I bought our first house. We moved from a very small rented 2 bedroom house to a much bigger 3 bedroom house.

DSD barely spent any time at all in her room before we moved here so we gave her the box room and let her decorate it how she wanted (paint, curtains etc). We then used the other spare room as a sort of dumping ground / office (I'm studying and DP often works from home).

DSD is approaching 7 and tends to now spend a lot of time in her room. She spoke to me a few weeks ago and was a bit upset as she said her room is a bit small to play in. I feel bloody horrible that we have given her the small room now.

Our thinking at the time was that she's only here every other weekend plus half the holidays (a week at a time) and she barely used her last room to do anything other than sleep. I tend to study most evenings and DP works from home at least once a week so we thought we'd get most use out of the bigger room.

Were we unreasonable to give her the smallest room? We can't really afford to decorate the bigger room if we switched them around now.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/10/2018 12:03

Personally I would move her into the bigger room and have the box room as a study.

Bluelady · 11/10/2018 12:07

Same here, Duck. I'd never have done what OP did in the first place.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2018 12:07

can be a pain when making beds etc

I can totally confirm this re: hight sleepers . . .

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2018 12:11

A decent carpenter, or professionals involved with boatbuilding or apartment outfitting etc, would potentially be useful to make best use of the space.

This would be more expensive than decorating the current office/study room, which OP has said they can't afford to do at the moment.

SeaToSki · 11/10/2018 12:13

If you put in a high sleeper, use a foam mattress. They are very comfy and are way easier to get fitted sheets onto as the corners just bend up.

Tinkobell · 11/10/2018 12:14

You probably wouldn't need to decorate it if she just put up her favourite posters OP. To me, the box room (presumably windowless) would be a better place for a desk & chair I.e your study. It sounds like you get on well with your DSD so don't have her feeling like she's the poor relation on the room front if you have actually got the space.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/10/2018 12:15

A high sleeper in a box room will feel claustrophobic imo whereas a desk and chair would be ok.

Believeitornot · 11/10/2018 12:15

We gave our dd the box room then very quickly swapped her to a bigger bedroom because actually it didn’t make sense and she likes being in her room so needed space. We use the box room for the study - a desk fits in no problem.

You can put posters up etc to make it nicer for her. It doesn’t need full decoration - that seems a lame excuse to me.

The fact she’s spoken to you means this clearly bothers her.

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 11/10/2018 12:17

I think you need to give her the bigger room. At 6, my daughter didn't play in her room much. At 8, she loves her space and gets loads more toys out than she did when she was little.

Tell her you'll move her stuff, chuck up some posters, and tell her you'll decorate it properly after Christmas.

If you're only using the second room as a dumping ground/study it would just be stubornness to do otherwise.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 12:18

We'd planned to get her a high sleeper next year. When we moved she didn't want one as she was "scared of heights" but now she's come around to the idea we're going to save up and get one next year.

The office stuff won't fit in the box room. I have additional needs as I'm physically disabled so this takes up a lot of room

Generally speaking she uses her room for "teddy bear picnics" and says she's doesn't have enough room to spread them all out. For some bizarre reason she won't play in front of her bed but insists on squishing it at the end where there's very little room Confused

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 11/10/2018 12:21

“Generally speaking she uses her room for "teddy bear picnics" and says she's doesn't have enough room to spread them all out. For some bizarre reason she won't play in front of her bed but insists on squishing it at the end where there's very little room“

As cute as this is, I don’t think it’s enough of a reason to give her the larger room that you need for study / work.

Believeitornot · 11/10/2018 12:21

Have you tried to fit the stuff in the box room? I would do anything to make it work to be honest.

But bit of a drip there about needing the space in the office....!!?

Redken24 · 11/10/2018 12:22

Can u not just dedicate part of the study to be her play room?

Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 12:26

To me, the box room (presumably windowles

Why on earth would you assume that? It has windows.

OP posts:
MissLingoss · 11/10/2018 12:26

If the third bedroom is too small for one seven year old, how can it possibly be big enough for two adults, both of whom presumably have their own work and study materials, and might sometimes both be working in there at the same time?

If the dsd is given the bigger room, the only way for op and dh to have the space they need would be to take over one of the downstairs rooms. But if there aren't two separate rooms downstairs, that won't work.

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 11/10/2018 12:32

well unless the OP gives dimensions how can we judge if the room is big enough or not? DS2 would like a bigger room but unless ds1 moves out it's not an option. I think this is more of an issue as the OP feels like there is another option in this case.
Oh and in some parts of the country a box room does mean an internal room, one without windows.

sollyfromsurrey · 11/10/2018 12:38

I am assuming as it is a 'box room' that it won't fit a double bed or twin beds so not any good for guests. If this is the case then it is quite reasonable that you made the small room her room and the larger one as the guest/study/dumping room. As you are studying, you are using the room on a near daily basis I assume and it would be impossible to fit a desk and bed and dump storage in a box room. Just being practical.

golondrina · 11/10/2018 12:39

My DD is seven and has a box room (there is no other option in our house) and we got her a high sleeper from ikea for exactly this reason. It's been great as now she has the whole floor space to play in. We got some big floor cushions to go under the bed, to make a comfy area she can lie/sit on as well. She loves it.

NWQM · 11/10/2018 12:40

Sounds to me as if something else might be going on in her head re the room if she is putting boundaries on where in the room she'll play. Encourage her to talk about her space but honestly wouldn't give in to changing rooms unless it all worked. There may well end up being something wrong with that too. Could it all just be about change? Presumably her room was bigger in the old house?

You can get great second hand high or mid sleepers and depending on how new her furniture is the cost might actually be pretty offset but I would just personally be cautious about changing anything until you give her a good period to settle in and work out what she is actually bothered about. Did moving house change anything else like when you see her? Presumably she's just changed classes at school too and basically has a lot of stuff on.

I'd personally bide your time for a bit and perhaps encourage her to use the rest of the house so she feels super comfortable in it.

crochetmonkey74 · 11/10/2018 12:41

Sometimes it's not always practical to give DCs exactly what they want especially if you don't have the room.

this

Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 12:46

If you're only using the second room as a dumping ground/study it would just be stubornness to do otherwise.

Sorry but it's got nothing to do with stubbornness and everything to do with actually using the space on a daily basis. There is no way both DP and I could fit in the box room if we both need to study/ work at the same time.

@Beesandfrogsandfleas I've just checked on the brochure we were given when we first viewed the house. Her bedroom is 2.7m x 2.3m and then the spare room/ study is 3.5m x 3m

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahH12 · 11/10/2018 12:47

Presumably her room was bigger in the old house?

No her room in the last house was even smaller. I think it was about 2.2 x 2m (whereas me it's 2.7m x 2.3m)

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 11/10/2018 12:50

I think you are perfectly resaonable- also, think about what you're teaching her. A whole family can't move around for one 7 year old who doesn't live there full time to take her first pick of rooms. It's your house, she's welcome everywhere, and allowed to play and has her space decorated nicely. Houses have smaller bedrooms, someone has to have it. It's fine.

RightYesButNo · 11/10/2018 12:51

I have to agree with @Believeitornot re: that very important information (I know sometimes it’s impossible to fit it all in an OP.) The fact that you are disabled and the equipment you need in the office will not fit in the box room sort of renders all the rest of this moot. YWNBU, because that means that no other option was possible - you must be in the bigger room because it is the only room where your equipment will fit. So that’s that.

Maybe best to just work on making more room in the box room. I know tons of people have recommended a high sleeper. One of those beds that folds into the wall, I believe it’s called a Murphy bed, may also be an option?

LaDameAuxLicornes · 11/10/2018 12:52

High sleeper is a brilliant idea, though if you're disabled then make sure DP understands in advance that he may have to do all the bedmaking and bed changing until DSD is old enough to do it herself, because they are bit of a pain in that regard. Great in every other way, though. Sounds as if DSD has plenty of space to play throughout the rest of the house too, and a nice (if small) room to herself, decorated to her taste, so I wouldn't be inclined to worry. Is DP actually worried, or just you?

Another thought: is there any chance at all that you and DP might want to have a baby together at some point in the future...? Because if so I would be even less inclined to move her, otherwise you might find yourselves in the awkward position of having to move her back again in a few years (i.e. because chances are it probably won't make sense to have her in a bigger room standing empty much of the time while a younger child who's living there all the time is in the box room).

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