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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD Mother verbally bullying her children

137 replies

Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 17:44

I spend about half an hour every week at an activity for my DC's. There is another parent there with two of her 3 DC's. It seems to me that at best, she is struggling with parenting and at worst she is a massive bully. Every week she spends the entire session berating her children, in particular the eldest boy who is nine. She just goes on and on at them over something trivial until they cry. Today it was because they didn't offer her a sip of their drink. She was going on at them because they don't speak nicely to her (they do) In the course of the conversation the oldest boy was saying to her 'but you don't speak nicely to me, you're always shouting at me and you slap me and smack me and you pinched me'. He just sounded so sad. Her verbal bullying of them is absolutely relentless. She doesn't say anything so bad it's just a constant stream of 'if you can't be nice to me i'm taking your xbox away' when they really haven't done anything today.

I know their first names and school would I be unreasonable to email their school?

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 10/10/2018 17:45

Mind your own business and no you cannot e mail a school

Knittedfairies · 10/10/2018 17:48

But what would you say in your email, and what would you expect school to do?

MatildaTheCat · 10/10/2018 17:48

No, if you feel concerned you are right to pass that concern on even if the school can’t do very much. If any CP concerns do arise this would be a part of the jigsaw.

Emotional bullying is a form of abuse. Poor kids.

Thelaststand · 10/10/2018 17:48

Yes I would. I had a mum like that I’d have loved some one at school to ask me if I was ok.

Happygolucky009 · 10/10/2018 17:50

Yes I would mention it, by minding your own business and ignoring it you are condoning and enabling that parent. At best she may need some support and worst she is a terrible parent and her children deserve better !

Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 17:50

I thought contacting the school might be appropriate because if they have other concerns they can tie it in together?

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 10/10/2018 17:50

You know what they say - if you suspect abuse or anything that causes a major concern report it. Better to be safe than sorry.

Sandsnake · 10/10/2018 17:52

I have no constructive advice at this point but had to write something after reading Portia’s ridiculous and unhelpful post. This parent’s behaviour does not sound at all right and child welfare is everyone’s ‘business’. Well done for caring enough to want to do something about it. I would be tempted to email the school, although am not sure if it would do any good or whether that’s the right course of action as have no experience in these matters. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come on.

Sorry for being useless but just wanted to show my support - it sounds like an unpleasant thing to witness each week.

Queenofthestress · 10/10/2018 17:52

How many kids do we see in the papers where its escalated, somethings happened and the kids died? If one person, just one person got the ball rolling with reporting a concern those kids might of actually had a chance.

Aprilislonggone · 10/10/2018 17:52

I reported an issue of abuse my dc had witnessed (by a dm) to school. They took it to the safeguarding team and it was investigated.
Leaving my details was optional. I did ..

Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 17:53

I was thinking in my email to repeat what the child had said about being slapped and smacked and then the school will presumably have the appropriate safeguarding training to not what, if anything, to do with the information. I get that she appears to be struggling and I feel for her too but she's is so cruel to them. Even if it's inadvertantly so that doesn't help the children.

OP posts:
Harleypuppy · 10/10/2018 17:56

I wish someone had done something about my abusive parents. Our neighbours must have heard my mum abusing me.
Yes, contact the school. Ask to speak to the head teacher and make sure you don't discuss it with the receptionist and make sure you tell them that you wish it to be private and confidential.

Thisreallyisafarce · 10/10/2018 17:57

I think people get frustrated when "contact the school" is the default response because schools are, themselves, only part of a safeguarding picture. The people to contact, if you are concerned, would be social services. Emotional abuse is definitely worth reporting.

Queenofthestress · 10/10/2018 17:57

I've reported a mum I know for walking down the street screaming in her three year olds face, it was one report of many made against her by the school, a week later she was caught on CCTV slapping him across the face and he was removed from her care. It only takes one call to start the ball rolling.

Beebopdooowopdo · 10/10/2018 17:58

Hi OP,
Anyone can report a concern to social services. If you google it plenty of advice comes up.
Yes the school can tie things together, the children might already be flagged at school. So email school or report it yourself.

As for the “keep your nose out” brigade, ignore the extreme ignorance or assume they are like the mother you are reporting. Safeguarding RELIES on people NOT keeping their noses out. Fuck sake I cannot believe in this day and age people can be so uninformed and ignorant. Child welfare is all our concerns.

Harleypuppy · 10/10/2018 17:58

It's important that it stays confidential. I wouldn't email. Unless you are sure only the headteacher reads it. People gossip.

Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 18:02

ok thisreallyisafarce fair enough, perhaps i shouldn't pass the buck to the school. One of the reasons I thought of that as an option is because I don't actually know the family but I do know their school from their uniform. I'm not sure what I would say to Social Services unless they would follow up on the limited info I have. Also I don't feel like I have the experience or judgement to decide whether it's a matter to take directly to SS so by passing the info to the school it seems like they can put it in context?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 18:03

Good point about emailing and confidentiality

OP posts:
Babyshark2018 · 10/10/2018 18:04

Yes report report report!!

Ignore the terrible advice to mind your own business.

As a Mum I don’t understand how anyone could sit by and not care about this. Like a PP said there may be other issues.

Goldenbear · 10/10/2018 18:05

'Mind your own business' - wow, child cruelty is everyone's business.

Frogscotch7 · 10/10/2018 18:07

YANBU. I emailed a school once over something similar and got a very grateful email back from the principal saying the details would be passed on to the appropriate body. Child abuse is everyone’s business.

TwistedStitch · 10/10/2018 18:08

Please don't 'mind your own business' about a child you heard stating that he is being physically abused. Surprised at that post having seen the username tbh.

FlowThroughIt · 10/10/2018 18:09

Based on what the boy said it sounds like you're only witnessing the verbal abuse not the physical. Call social services. Abusive behaviour usually escalates.

Thisreallyisafarce · 10/10/2018 18:11

Nameynamechangeforthis

Read back what you wrote: verbal bullying, relentless, smacking, slapping, pinching. Assuming that was what you heard, why wouldn't a school pass that on to SS? You are the witness to these events. It is your responsibility to report it, at least in my opinion.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/10/2018 18:12

I phoned a local school when a mum was doing similar walking her children to school. I knew where they were going (watched them go in from a distance) and phoned the school office. Had to leave a message as no one answered, but I felt although it's a relatively small thing (although not to the poor child), it might be part of a bigger picture. Better to report than not.