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Original poster

WWYD Mother verbally bullying her children

137 replies

Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 17:44

I spend about half an hour every week at an activity for my DC's. There is another parent there with two of her 3 DC's. It seems to me that at best, she is struggling with parenting and at worst she is a massive bully. Every week she spends the entire session berating her children, in particular the eldest boy who is nine. She just goes on and on at them over something trivial until they cry. Today it was because they didn't offer her a sip of their drink. She was going on at them because they don't speak nicely to her (they do) In the course of the conversation the oldest boy was saying to her 'but you don't speak nicely to me, you're always shouting at me and you slap me and smack me and you pinched me'. He just sounded so sad. Her verbal bullying of them is absolutely relentless. She doesn't say anything so bad it's just a constant stream of 'if you can't be nice to me i'm taking your xbox away' when they really haven't done anything today.

I know their first names and school would I be unreasonable to email their school?

OP posts:
BreakWindandFire · 10/10/2018 19:20

I think people often urge caution because you may have witnessed one incident, and a parent having a very bad day which is not typical. In your case you appear to be witnessing the same relentless behaviour week after week, so yes I think you are right to report.

HeidioftheAlps · 10/10/2018 19:21

Yes report it

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 10/10/2018 19:26

Ignore Portia and knittedfaries you need to tell someone what you saw and heard and how many times you witnessed it , stay factual
You have several options SS , school or NSPCC
You have no responsibility for the outcome , leave that to the experts

Olderbyaminute · 10/10/2018 19:27

I’d report exactly what you saw and heard! I don’t understand Portia at all and if you had the “privilege” of being raised in an abusive home where everyone knew but did NOTHING you’d be running to the damn phone

MissMarplesKnitting · 10/10/2018 19:28

Absolutely report it, either to SS or even the NSPCC. They can get in touch with the school and SS too.

Lizzie48 · 10/10/2018 19:31

Yes, please report this. I'm speaking as a child who suffered SA, along with my DSis. Obviously other people wouldn't have known this, but we've spoken to people who were adults at the time in an attempt to make sense of our past, and there have been quite a few who had concerns about our family, but didn't do anything.

I don't really blame them, as this was the 70s and 80s and reporting abuse wasn't encouraged then. But things are different now and you can report anonymously to Social Services. It could be the case that others have reported this mum and your report will be another jigsaw piece for them.

What you've described definitely constitutes abuse, and those kids need to have adults speaking up for them, not just 'minding their own business'.

Mehaveit · 10/10/2018 19:33

Yes you can and please do. This is emotional abuse. A pain to prove but massively affects children.

sm40 · 10/10/2018 19:35

The school will have a safeguarding team and think details should be on the website if you want to go the school route.

Sandbox · 10/10/2018 19:36

Contact nspcc x

Gemstonemama · 10/10/2018 19:37

Hi OP, I would definitely report it, having worked for SS the best thing to do is ring your local MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub) and tell them everything you know including the school. A quick google for MASH safeguarding and your location should bring up their number.

They will investigate and pass on details to any professionals that can help such as the school, and check if there's been similar reports.

You could be the price in the jigsaw that encourages action to be taken x

Mehaveit · 10/10/2018 19:38

Our social services have many levels of intervention before children are removed and give them every chance to change.

horizonglimmer · 10/10/2018 19:38

Call social services. Definitely. One of my friends is a child protection social worker and she has called in concerns about parents speaking like that to their children when she has heard them whilst out and about.
Definitely call. Those children can't call it in themselves but you can.
That poor boy trying to stand up for himself to his mum. It's heartbreaking.

Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 19:40

Ok, thank you all, will do x

OP posts:
TickTickBoomBoom · 10/10/2018 19:41

Would the school assist the family in any way other than just referring it to SS?

My DDs fall under the school safeguarding team (because their 'D'F) hurt them, and because of bullying by the class brat. There is loads of support, nuture groups at school, a family support practitioner working with the DC at school and at home. A CAF is usually put into place which involves regular meetings at school with the safeguarding team and the FSP. If the school deems it necessary, SS is also involved.

The family will get the help and support they need, and by the sounds of things, those poor kids need help.

Thatstheendofmytether · 10/10/2018 19:41

Mind your own business and no you cannot e mail a school

Ah yes ignore the suspected abuse because that's always the best thing to do, leave the poor kids to suffer. Ffs!

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 10/10/2018 19:41

Report it to the school OP, as you know what school they attend and also there names etc... reporting it directly to CSC/NSPCC could delay matters, the school have full identification of the children and have a legal obligation to report it to there local Social Care Duty Team, you can find yours also here

Everyone is responsible for children's welfare, be that of physical, sexual, mental, neglect and emotional abuse and all the others in between this!

I'm an ex Social Worker, I worked as part of the EDTeam , and now work for a housing association in which I attend all Child Protection Conferences, this is a multi agency meeting in which teachers/nurseries doctors/nurses/practitioner, police, landlords, and the child's family etc.. who has daily/weekly interaction with the child/s welfare/well being... and what professional body/s needs to be involved, to carry out a CIN (Child in Need) plan (if required)

Please ignore the idiots, who advised you to mind your own business!, the amount of times children could be alive/saved from trauma if someone just acted or became their voice

Broken11Girl · 10/10/2018 19:43

Report! Please. Ignore the couple of very strange early responses.
My not so-D M was like this. We were supposed to be psychic and divine when she wanted a cup of tea and were terrible selfish children if we didn't, etc, low level physical abuse too, constantly criticised and corrected over nothing. Either to school or SS would work I think.

Olderbyaminute · 10/10/2018 19:44

Years ago (probably almost eight) my son with special needs had a doctor's appointment and there was a very loud,nasty woman in the waiting room with a child was just so abusive to the child she was name calling,striking him,berating him and was far enough away receptionist didn’t see her so I went up discreetly to pass on my concern to her about possibly notifying security,social services,etc and I saw her whisper to a staff member but no one addressed it and after about 15 minutes as it escalated I went back and said “Get the office manager NOW” and as soon as she appeared I flat out told her “Get security out here now or I will call 911 and it will get physical between her and I now do you understand what I’ve been witnessing here?” Immediately they acted and a nurse called the child’s name as if to see the doctor and then the abuser said “We are leaving and the administrator on site appeared and said you’re going nowhere right now we’ve called the police” by then it was my child’s turn but it was so awful I was shaking like a leaf for that poor child. I am the furthest from a perfect parent but if she acted that way in brias daylight what would she do in private?

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/10/2018 19:47

How intrusive of you to want email the school!

You see a snippet of the day.

Mind your own business

FFSFFSFFS · 10/10/2018 19:48

Contact school and social services.

That kind of abuse is INCREDIBLY damaging.

Unicornandbows · 10/10/2018 19:48

Yes please report it

TickTickBoomBoom · 10/10/2018 19:50

@Gemstonemama - if the MASH team where you are is anything like the MASH team where I am, then it would be pointless trying to contact them. I actually worked at a place where we had to work closely with MASH, and they wouldn't even answer our phone calls, never mind a member of the public!

tillytrotter1 · 10/10/2018 19:53

Why do people expect schools to waste their time on things which are out of their control? If you feel the need to get involved then the Police or Social Services are a better bet.

Disabrie22 · 10/10/2018 19:54

“Mind your own business”

The point of safeguarding now is no one minds their own business to protect children. Definately email the school - the family support worker should pick this up.

greendale17 · 10/10/2018 19:54

@PortiaCastis

Obviously verbal abuse of children doesn’t concern you. Piss off

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