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Original poster

WWYD Mother verbally bullying her children

137 replies

Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 17:44

I spend about half an hour every week at an activity for my DC's. There is another parent there with two of her 3 DC's. It seems to me that at best, she is struggling with parenting and at worst she is a massive bully. Every week she spends the entire session berating her children, in particular the eldest boy who is nine. She just goes on and on at them over something trivial until they cry. Today it was because they didn't offer her a sip of their drink. She was going on at them because they don't speak nicely to her (they do) In the course of the conversation the oldest boy was saying to her 'but you don't speak nicely to me, you're always shouting at me and you slap me and smack me and you pinched me'. He just sounded so sad. Her verbal bullying of them is absolutely relentless. She doesn't say anything so bad it's just a constant stream of 'if you can't be nice to me i'm taking your xbox away' when they really haven't done anything today.

I know their first names and school would I be unreasonable to email their school?

OP posts:
Fontofnoknowledge · 10/10/2018 19:55

I am hoping Thesnobbymiddleclassone is being highly inappropriate yet ironic. ?

Instead of an ignorant arse.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 10/10/2018 19:55

Hmm Tilly, your post screams ignorance! Children's welfare IS the schools concern, its pretty high on there list in fact!!!

Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 19:56

broken11girl what you describe is exactly the kind of thing it is.. I am sorry to hear it was like that for you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameynamechangeforthis · 10/10/2018 19:57

ticktickboomboom that is good to know too, thankyou

OP posts:
Petitepamplemousse · 10/10/2018 19:57

God people are pathetic saying to mind your own business. Potential child abuse. Of COURSE OP should contact school so they can have a record of it. Don’t be a bystander.

Believeitornot · 10/10/2018 19:57

Why do people expect schools to waste their time on things which are out of their control? If you feel the need to get involved then the Police or Social Services are a better bet

A lack of understanding of safeguarding.... schools will be interested and will pass on details. Better to go to the school who can identify the individuals then pass on.

20poppy14 · 10/10/2018 19:58

Absolutely contact the school. Ask to speak to the Designated Safeguarding Leader on a matter of urgency. Every school should have a DSL......a member of staff with additional and specific training around keeping children physically and emotionally “safe”.

Fontofnoknowledge · 10/10/2018 19:58

Without doubt email the school. It's the one solid bit of evidence of their identity that you have (as you don't know names or address)

The school will have this information and be able to triage this allegation and refer to appropriate safeguarding.

Not sending to the school just extends the hunt for these children's identities.

Petitepamplemousse · 10/10/2018 19:59

Sorry I meant ‘some’ people of course, I know most people are saying the right thing here which of course it to report.

Gemstonemama · 10/10/2018 19:59

@TickTickBoomBoom that's dreadful, sorry to hear that! Ours is thankfully really good and go the extra mile, a few people I know have used it on a personal level outside of work and they were brilliant. Did you report them?

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 10/10/2018 20:00

Thesnobbymiddleclassone and that snippet can help start completing the puzzle or not
It’s not for us to judge , just report our concerns

Petitepamplemousse · 10/10/2018 20:01

By the way I’m a teacher and I would contact the school as something can sometimes sit at the bottom of a pile with Social Services. We will refer and if it doesn’t get followed up straight away we chase up with SS. I’d go for the school first.

BakedBeans47 · 10/10/2018 20:01

Mind your own business and no you cannot e mail a school

How many children have died or had their lives destroyed due to adults “minding their own business”? Child abuse is everyone’s business, and these children seem to be emotionally abused, and have mentioned being physically abused.

OP definitely contact the school. Poor kids.

Gigglebrain · 10/10/2018 20:02

I am shocked at the few people on here who have said mind your own business! Absolutely disgraceful. The children need a voice. The school will not mind in the slightest if the children are suffering/in danger, they’d rather get involved and help if necessary.

Petitepamplemousse · 10/10/2018 20:03

Safeguarding is the ABSOLUTE NUMBER 1 priority of any school. Before educating your children, we must keep them safe. It’s number ONE. Absolute nonsense to say ‘don’t waste the school’s time’.

Blackbirdblue30 · 10/10/2018 20:03

Haven't read tft. But my mum was like this. Excuses and so on, oh shed two under two don't matter. I'd have bloody loved it if seven-year-old me wasn't being spoken to like rubbish.

Petitepamplemousse · 10/10/2018 20:06

‘Why do people expect schools to waste their time on things which are out of their control? If you feel the need to get involved then the Police or Social Services are a better bet.’

What an idiotic statement. What’s more important, keeping children safe or them learning their times tables? Schools educate but that is our second priority. Some people and their ‘mind your own business’ mentality are the reason children like Daniel Pelka and Victoria Climbie does. Sort yourselves out.

Petitepamplemousse · 10/10/2018 20:07

*died

Drycleanonly7 · 10/10/2018 20:08

Please report it to either the school and or SS. I feel terribly sad for the children. The mum needs help and the children deserve to be safe and happy. They are not at all. Please take the courage to report this. It is vitally important. You will make a such a difference for the better.

chipsandgin · 10/10/2018 20:13

I can only imagine that the 'mind your own business' brigade respond like that because they recognise aspects of their own parenting in you description of the mother and feel a tad defensive.. Hmm

So yes, agree with all the pp's suggesting that you should absolutely report and voice your concerns, poor kids.

I'd second the NSPCC suggestion - also worth seeing if there is a frontline SS helpdesk (will depend on your council structure) but I would worry that it might fall between the cracks as there is such a massive strain on services, whereas the sole purpose of the NSPCC is the protection of children so they are a good starting point.

carr1e1977 · 10/10/2018 20:16

Agree with everyone saying you must report it. We all have an obligation to help safeguard vulnerable people including children.
You don't have to worry/be concerned about what action social services take, as long as you report the facts of what you observed and heard. It is there job to investigate if they think thats what is required.
x

Lupinslupinelady · 10/10/2018 20:16

Try the school - ask for designated safeguarding lead and say you don’t want to interfere but genuinely worried like you said in post. If that gets nowhere you could try your local Children’s Services or NSPCc but will be difficult without full names/ addresses etc.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 10/10/2018 20:18

I had to report a mum for EA. There were many witnesses but no one intervened. I was told to 'not get involved', 'keep out of it' and 'mind my own business' but I couldn't do nothing. It had been going on for a while apparently and everyone else seemed happy to ignore it. I was told that I could put myself and my child at risk if they connected me to any complaints made about the mum and her family.

I reported it and a few weeks later Social Services became involved and eventually the children went to permanently live with a relative.

I'm not sure what my phone call did. I am sure other people must have had concerns and acted on them too because everyone seemed to know what was going on. But I felt better for knowing I'd tried to help her children.

Tinkobell · 10/10/2018 20:20

OP - people who have suffered abuse on this thread are saying def report it. I think you must. The slapping is awful and pinching is evil and pathetic. If that's what going on within a public place, god only knows what's going on behind the closed doors. If you've seen this week after week, it's not just a bad day this woman's having. Please contact the head and act on it.

MrsGB2225 · 10/10/2018 20:22

Definitely report - those poor children.