To want to be fed at birthday parties?

[LurkNoFurther]

I have a 3 and 4 year old, so get lots of invites to birthday parties.

AIBU to expect some food at these parties?

For example, we had a party 12-3pm, food was served to the kids at 1.30pm. All the adults were standing behind their respective DC (small room) watching hungrily while they ate. There was a canteen there but it wasn't close to the party room and we had to be supervising our DC so no real option to get /eat lunch.

I could see some adults sneaking in a cold chicken nugget when they thought no one was looking!

At the end of the party I was so hungry, I ate the cake & sweets from the party bag!

It doesn't happen all the time, but I do myself getting annoyed when it does...

Now I'm not expecting a full on meal, but the hosts could have brought some home-made sandwiches that wouldn't have cost more than £20. Please consider the adults at these lunch time parties!

AIBU?

Christ I once asked on here if I could do just jam sandwiches as had a zillion dietary restrictions and was shot down for daring to suggest I might do only one type of sandwiches (the only kind that are usually eaten anyway by the kids)

I can see it now, the whispers in the playground about the mum who only served up jam sarnies to the parents and not the holy trinity of sandwiches (which I learnt of from MN but am still not doing as over half the class won't eat ham)

we have a leisure centre here that has a soft play you can hire, but you have to supervise yourself (it’s only little, but perfect for pre-schoolers).

We had DC1’s 3rd birthday party there and did hotdogs for the kids.

DH asked if we were doing them for adults too, no we bloody well were not, we had 30 kids come, and most brought both parents, plus there were a couple of grandparents too. Suddenly I’m going from catering for 30 kids to 30 kids and 60 odd adults.

There were a few spare, that didn’t go to waste, but no one expected to be fed.

If I've paid for a class party in the local soft play that does not permit food from off the premises there's no chance I'm paying extra to feed the adults!

I don't expect to be fed anywhere I'm invited to unless the words "...for dinner/lunch/food" are included. It's a rather entitled attitude to have.

My daughter would rather have all her friends there than half her friends and for me to cater for their parents. No guesses for who I'd rather please!

Surely you can go 3 hours without food if you plan it right.

Not being able to go 3 hours without eating is comical, and eating your child's party bag contents is just greedy.

More like 5 hours if you have to travel and live somewhere like London.

More like 5 hours if you have to travel and live somewhere like London.

I raised my kids in London. Never spent 5 hrs at a party with them (including travel). However if I had travelled far I'd have taken sandwiches, not expected a parent who is already paying through the nose for my kids to pay for extra catering for me.

Maybe things have changed but I don't remember parents en masse staying for parties past the age of 2. At most there might be the occasional parent staying with a child who had specific needs. Everyone else dropped and ran and the arrangement worked all round.

We're having a whole class party for DD who will be 5 in a few weeks. First 'proper' party we've done and she's only just started Reception a few weeks ago so we're quite new to all this. It genuinely hadn't occurred to me that I might be expected to cater for parents on top of the amount we've already budgeted for venue hire, entertainment, kids food, party bags, cake etc. I just assumed most adults would be able to manage for 2 hours without food but if that's a problem for them for some reason (if they have a medical issue or something) they'd bring a snack.

Now worrying that feeding an extra 30-60 people is an additional cost I'm not sure we can afford. Would also be really frustrating if we go to all that effort and expense and they all decide to drop and run!

And event locations might not be bothered about an individual sandwich but they don't typically allow someone to bring in bulk food for visitors.

^^ this is a very good point - and food and drink prices at venues tend to be much more expensive than the cost of the equivalent home made version.
That means catering for parents too can be prohibitively expensive for hosts.

Take food with you?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery

It genuinely hadn't occurred to me that I might be expected to cater for parents

Catering for parents is really not the norm where I live. It’s nice if there is something provided, but it’s not something that’s expected.

I'm also surprised at rhe posts saying bring a home made platter etc, have these posters never been to a party hosted at a venue, often you're not allowed to cater your own food.

But seriously op, eating your kids bit of birthday cake. That's a bit much. If you know you struggle to control yourself like that if you get hungry you should have ensured you were able to cope. It must have crossed your mind you wouldn't be fed, or that there was a possibility. 😳

Now worrying that feeding an extra 30-60 people is an additional cost I'm not sure we can afford.

Don't cater for the parents, it isn't necessary. However make it clear on the invites or by a follow up text that "drop off time is X" and "pick up time is Y". That should help manage expectations with parents who assume all their children's invites extend to them.

Once at school age staying should be the exception.

I always used to do adults foods too, and wine.

C8 I think maybe after age 6. With younger children, they might be glad of the help! 😂

With younger children, they might be glad of the help!

But we used to arrange that in advance. We also often combined parties so you had two sets of parents as your start point to watch the children.

Depending on the size of the party we would ask one or two others (or relative for those who had them) to stay. But that was one or two, not 30 odd parents rocking up and expecting to stay and be catered for.

I certainly didn't have a load of parents staying for 4/5 yr olds - it was all drop and run. At 3 yrs a lot were dropping and running but the parties were generally a lot smaller anyway.

Just received an invite for a Halloween birthday party 4-6pm, much better IMO!

Won't need any food at that one!!

Make sure you and kids eat before you go to the Halloween Party. Sugar-rich food on an empty tummy turns children into demons!

Prosecco and wine served at children's parties...

I can't believe you ate your child's cake and sweets - if you were that hungry/desperate, that would hardly fill the void?

But no, I don't expect food at children's parties. It's a nice idea but I'm sure most parents can manage to feed themselves.

I must say if the hosts require a parent per child to stay they aren't really hosting a children's party. If they need a parent per child for their chosen party to work, and hold it over a meal time, parents should be fed.

If it's a party where drop and run is an option parents shouldn't expect to be catered for in any way.

It's bloody cheeky imo to play so poorly that you can't actually supervise the invited children, demand the guests parents do the supervision for you, then be affronted by the very idea you might buy the parents whose presence has allowed your child's party to function a cup of tea or a shared pizza/ plate of chips depending on duration and time of day.

When my kids were under 4 I catered fully for parents, 4+ and the invitations clearly stated drop off at X time pick up at X time.

The party would be a flop and the birthday child bitterly disappointed without guests, so it's worth making it as easy and painless as possible for other parents to supply the guests, and if relevant the supervision, required to make your child's party successful, for your child's sake. That's how I see it as host anyway. Same applies to siblings - strictly no siblings at drop and run, but if I request parents to stsy accommodating siblings is a part of that.

Why should comparative strsngers be inconvenienced because I want my kids to have a certain birthday party, and parties require guests to succeed?

Plan not play

If you are struggling to provide your child with a party at all then yes, "just a tray of jam sandwiches" can be a cost too much even if the adults will eat them.

Well, of course, if someone is having serious financial problems, I don't thing anyone would complain. Otherwise, spending 1.75 quid on some bread and a jar of jam (Sainsbury's prices, just checked) doesn't seem that much.

Yes cos most venues let you smuggle in your own jam sarnies 🙄

I don't even like jam sarnies. I don't think most adults particularly do.

They'd likely just be soggy and untouched

I love it when I'm offered wine at a party but that's about it, and I can't afford to provide wine for up to 60 grown ups as much as I am delighted to be offered it by people who can

It occurs to me to think how kind when things are available for parents... but it would never enter my mind to think how stingy or mean if things aren't... I just sort myself out. Being a grown up and all.

Once at school age staying should be the exception.

I think maybe 6 and above. AT 4/5 some kids can still have issues they need a trusted adult for and anyway not everyone has loads of people who can help run birthday parties.