To want to be fed at birthday parties?

[LurkNoFurther]

I have a 3 and 4 year old, so get lots of invites to birthday parties.

AIBU to expect some food at these parties?

For example, we had a party 12-3pm, food was served to the kids at 1.30pm. All the adults were standing behind their respective DC (small room) watching hungrily while they ate. There was a canteen there but it wasn't close to the party room and we had to be supervising our DC so no real option to get /eat lunch.

I could see some adults sneaking in a cold chicken nugget when they thought no one was looking!

At the end of the party I was so hungry, I ate the cake & sweets from the party bag!

It doesn't happen all the time, but I do myself getting annoyed when it does...

Now I'm not expecting a full on meal, but the hosts could have brought some home-made sandwiches that wouldn't have cost more than £20. Please consider the adults at these lunch time parties!

AIBU?

You shouldnt ask anyone to a party that spans a meal time and not even think to offer them something to eat, child or adult

Depends on the type of party round here.

Parties in venues with own cafes (e.g. soft play) - typically no food provided for parents. Some hosts will set up a tab for teas / coffees at the cafe but that’s not a given. Maybe had teas/coffees paid for in around a third of such parties?

Parties in village hall type venues where the host is responsible for all catering - almost always drinks are provided for parents, and usually light refreshments. Typically biscuits but occasionally sandwiches.

Either way, as an adult taking a child to a party, my default assumption is that I’m not going to get fed by the party host so I need to plan accordingly.

I do village hall parties for my kids and I do provide food for the parents. But dh works in the food industry so they expect it....but hey advertising right?

Pressed s3nd too early. I don't expect others to feed adults though. If it's a package party I will happily go by a coffee. If it's in a hall I do hope they will make tea and coffee but not bothered if they dont

I always take my own sandwich if it's a lunch time party. Wouldn't expect to be fed. I always wonder if other people aren't as hungry as me though as most seem to go without eating while they are there.

It's definitely about the children, OP.
Usually a drink and biscuit for the adults, but that's it!

Your under £20 for some sandwiches for parents...

Is my heating for the week
Or my child's clubs for the week
Or my grocery shopping for the week

While I do class parties, I save all year so my kid isn't aware of missing out on stuff after being left a single parent by an abusive marriage

And I don't really want to miss out on their party by making you cups of tea all through it for up to 60 parents if they bring both along

I want to take photos, join in, help my child join in etc as some happy memories after we've lived through hell the first few years of their life

I'm not the only parent in my position so perhaps OP you could spare me the judgement if you end up at one of mine and bring your own food and drink!

Whole class parties are not necessary. If £20 for sandwiches isn't affordable then I'd do one at 4-6 when adults can go without food or just do a smaller party.
Only in the UK would it be considered polite for people to invite adults to a party where they have to stay, be bored and supervise but also not get any food from 12-2!

So as an adult if you knew that egg and cress sandwichs for the adults came at the cost of another kids invite, you'd be alright with that?

That's quite sad tbh.

Not to mention it's up to the parent/birthday child whether it's a class party or not.

Whole class parties are not necessary. If £20 for sandwiches isn't affordable then I'd do one at 4-6 when adults can go without food or just do a smaller party.

Why shouldn't partyanime's child have a whole class party if that's what they want. Any reasonable adult can manage two hours without eating or could bring themselves a snack (or wait till the kids have finished and pillage the buffet). I can't believe you'd begrudge a small child their birthday party because you can't go two hours without being provided a meal!

Yeah I mean I could just face all the offence from only inviting a handful not a whole class when my kid is young enough not to have formed a particular friendship group...

Or I can ignore stupid judgemental people on mumsnet and hope that your not parents I know IRL

Thankfully IRL I think most parents I know are fairly lovely and understanding of my situation as they support me a lot when I get stuck with things

Partyanime I am sorry for your situation, but I do not think it relates to this. this party was held at a theme park type thing, the parents are not hard up.

All I am saying is consider the adults if you have a 3 hour party over a lunch time at a place that is not very local. It was a full packed agenda - seeing animals, handling all sorts of reptiles, rides etc. It required full on adult supervision of you kids and you had to keep up with the party group in case you fell behind.

If you don't have a 3 hour party over lunch time, then there would be no issue? I am sure you will not be that inconsiderate

I'm surprised there were no food outlets in that sort of setting op. That's not great, theme park is definitely missing a trick there!

Btw I am sure I wasn't the only person there that felt like this - I couldn't have been. Of course we are all adults and are too polite to say anything, the kids had a fab time after all.

Only on a forum of strangers would I complain

Nope I'd totally be in that situation if my child wanted that party and I saved all year to provide it and that's the time the place allocated it.

I also don't advertise my financial situation other than anonymously on mumsnet and do well to hide it... you could well assume I was well off if you judged my kids clothing (usually second hand but decent labels thanks to an exceptionally gifted bargain hunting 'auntie') or the activity he does - which I get substantial financial help from the club to afford as they're bloody good and they want to keep us.

Just take an emergency snack before judging others. If it's not there... there's likely a reason it's not. Like someone fainting at the price of adding it on too

ADastardly there were - but there was no opportunity to as we had to watch our kids. we all had to keep up with the events / group

Why shouldn't partyanime's child have a whole class party if that's what they want.

This. Children's parties are for the children. If its at home people can be pointed at the kettle and told to help themselves to tea and coffee but honestly why should the child have a reduced party just because the adults can't feed themselves or wait a couple of hour to eat?

I went to a morning party the other day where there were trays of bacon rolls and coffee for the grown ups 😋

Before we had DS, DH and I were invited to a friend’s child’s party. Invite said ‘nibbles will be provided for adults’. What this actually meant was “please nab bits off the children’s plates”- which obviously we didn’t do, because we didn’t have a child. I genuinely felt unwell by the time we left because it was over lunchtime, and I was expecting at least a few crisps. Lesson learned.

So nobody could say "mind watching my kid while I pop to grab something? Anyone want anything?"

Or someone pop off to ask a staff member to come and take orders?

Sorry this really irks me because I know I am NOT alone in my situation. I have some friends from freedom programme who would be in exactly the same situation and we just resolve now we're out to do the best for our kids going forward... we don't have neon signs on our head to alert you to have sympathy for us though. We pretty much blend in!

but there was no opportunity to as we had to watch our kids. we all had to keep up with the events / group

Approach similar minded parent.

I'm dying for a coffee/snack, aren't you? WOuld you mind watching little Johnny whilst I go grab us something, what do you want?

Problem solved.

We had offers of food for us but tbh, most adults just drop their children off and pick them up later on.
Why can't you do that?

No one would have watched your kid for 5 mins while you slipped off to grab a sandwich? That's a bit shit. I've had other people's kids crawling all over me at parties while they have slipped off to grab a brew or just have 10 mins peace, we do tend to all muck in and help each other out.

So actually this is a bit of a non aibu?

Your aibu was "to want to be fed at birthday parties", food was available, you just didn't get it for yourself.