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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to baby shower

104 replies

Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 09:59

A long time ago I learnt I was going through early menopause whilst the.
It devastated me and I have never been able to move on despite counselling.
I can't bear anything pregnancy related or anything to do with babies. I do have a 17 year old and I know people will say think yourself lucky u have one and I do cherish him I really do but I feel bitter at not having been able to have 2nd dc.
A relative is due November and the family have arranged a baby shower and I have said I'm not going and my dm said I'm am not been fair on others and I need to get over it. She said I will make people feel awkward but I don't agree as I know I won't be given any thought because everybody will be wrapped up in my pregnant relative and enjoying the day. I told my dm I just can't be subjected to it. Aibu please go easy on me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:00

That should say ttc

OP posts:
Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:01

.

OP posts:
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/10/2018 10:05

Although you are upset and emotional, it's not fair to push that on your family.

You can still be upset but show support to your excited relatives. You've had a child and know how exciting that process is. You can't hide from them all forever. What will you do when more relatives start having children and your own child does one day?

Their is nothing wrong with feeling sad and devastated, but there is also no harm in celebrating others happiness.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/10/2018 10:05

It sounds like a very difficult situation for you. Is it worth thinking about popping in for part of the shower, when your 17 becomes a parent it would be good to be able to enjoy the build up and not still be dealing with this.

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:09

I just feel so upset about the past.

OP posts:
Rhondacross · 10/10/2018 10:11

Oh for goodness sake. Just send a lovely card and maybe a voucher. There was no need to even mention why you weren't going, just that you wouldn't be able to make it. Your Mum is making drama where there is no need. I think you could maybe use some help with dealing with things like this in the future, but for now an invitation is just that, it's not an order.

Snog · 10/10/2018 10:12

I think it's fine to not attend the baby shower. Be kind to yourself. Your feelings matter. Perhaps send a gift if you feel able to.

Maybe counselling could help support you to come to terms with your early meno?

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:14

My intention was to send a card and gift

OP posts:
Snog · 10/10/2018 10:15

Your mothers behaviour is not at all nice, I would refuse to discuss this any further with her. She sounds quite insensitive at the least maybe even toxic tbh and not in the least supportive of you.

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:16

My mother has never had any tact

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Padparadscha · 10/10/2018 10:17

I could be wrong, but haven’t you posted similar before? About your inability to conceive a second child and it making you behave irrationally? Apologies if wrong.

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:18

When she said I'm gonna make everyone feel awkward I said they won't feel half as bad as what I do day in and day out

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:19

I have posted here once before

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DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/10/2018 10:19

I couldn't have children at all and now I'm in my fifties, I've come to terms with it and I coped with friends' and colleagues' pregnancies and babies at the time etc.

But a baby shower is the line that I know I couldn't and still can't cross.

Thank GOD I've never been invited to one as I know I couldn't go (they weren't really a thing during the years I was TTC). Although I would just have "other plans" rather than let anyone know the real reason.

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:20

My behaviour is awful I admit to it

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:21

Sorry Charlotte

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DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/10/2018 10:21

Sorry, I meant to say OP, YANBU Flowers

Padparadscha · 10/10/2018 10:24

I have posted here once before

You’re the poster who was jealous of (the same?) a pregnant person a few months back. If I remember correctly, you initially implied you didn’t have any children, so you lost a lot of sympathy when it transpired you have a teen.

You obviously didn’t take any advice from your previous thread, do not sure how much you’ll take onboard here. Just send a card, no reason to tell them why you’re not going.

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:25

I am thinking of trying counselling again because I fail to see any joy or happiness for announced pregnancies and I can't feel any sympathy for when pregnant women get the backache etc it's not a healthy mind

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:26

I would like to say that thread destroyed me pad

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IABURQO · 10/10/2018 10:26

Nobody needs to go to a baby shower. You should meet the baby though, it would be good to try to come to terms with this before then, however hard you find facing it to be.

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:26

So many unfeeling posters and bullies

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:28

I also never implied from the outset I didn't have a do just overlooked mentioning it

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Blondebakingmumma · 10/10/2018 10:29

Sorry I can’t make it sent along with a present. I’m sure the mum to be wouldn’t want you attending if they knew what you are going through

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 10/10/2018 10:30

I never had any intention of offending childless women but somehow I did.
Anybody on that previous thread should be ashamed of themselves kicking a person whilst already down.

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