To not go to baby shower

[Worzilgummidge]

A long time ago I learnt I was going through early menopause whilst the.
It devastated me and I have never been able to move on despite counselling.
I can't bear anything pregnancy related or anything to do with babies. I do have a 17 year old and I know people will say think yourself lucky u have one and I do cherish him I really do but I feel bitter at not having been able to have 2nd dc.
A relative is due November and the family have arranged a baby shower and I have said I'm not going and my dm said I'm am not been fair on others and I need to get over it. She said I will make people feel awkward but I don't agree as I know I won't be given any thought because everybody will be wrapped up in my pregnant relative and enjoying the day. I told my dm I just can't be subjected to it. Aibu please go easy on me.

[Padparadscha]

I also never implied from the outset I didn't have a do just overlooked mentioning it

You had a lot of women who’d suffered with infertility share their stories with you, because you ‘overlooked’ it. It evidently caused quite a bit of hurt when it transpired you did have a child.

It’s not to say secondary infertility can’t be devastating, however you’ve still had what some people never will, the opportunity to be a parent. Please get more help, you’ve obviously not coped with your issues since your last thread.

[Bumbers]

Don't go and don't feel bad about it. No one should have attend events like this that hurt them. You mother is being unreasonable.

[IABURQO]

If this was your posting style @Worzilgummidge, then I start to see why you lost sympathies in the previous thread. Your style is very aggressive; being disappointed with your own life doesn't mean it's ok to carry so much anger, you need to accept what your life is.

[Worzilgummidge]

You know pad when your going through this u don't see the ones less u fortunate only what's going on around u. The announced pregnancies at work, in the family. I rarely come across anybody suffering like me. You have to be in the mindset of somebody like me to understand.

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

So basically you do have a child and are bitter that you can't have more so are punishing those around you.

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

I think counselling sounds like a great idea to help you feel better equipped to deal with the bitterness you're saying you feel.

I know some people with DC who've never attended baby showers simply because they don't enjoy them, so your non-attendance won't be looked into too deeply; send a card and gift and wish them well. And work on your mental health til you're in a place where those well-wishes can be genuine.

[Worzilgummidge]

I'm not punishing anybody

[Worzilgummidge]

They will get on and enjoy the day and won't give a second thought then or anytime.

[Worzilgummidge]

I just punish myself

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

But if continually miss family things like this then you will start to effect them and become "oh that's so and so she never comes to anything because she too sad".

Be upset but celebrate the fact your family is getting bigger. Do you miss christenings and birthdays too. What will you do when your own child becomes a parents.

[Worzilgummidge]

IAB Not aggressive bitter yes

[Wolfiefan]

I am very sorry that you experienced early menopause and couldn’t have the family you wanted.
But that’s happened. You need to do whatever it takes to deal with that and move on. What about if your own DC has kids? Will you never see the grandchildren because it’s too painful?
Don’t go the the shower. I hate them and wouldn’t go anyway. But get help.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I rarely come across anybody suffering like me.

And how the fuck would you know?!

YWBVU to go. It's a happy celebration of your relatives pregnancy and she should only be surrounded by people who love her and wish her well. This is the second post about how much you resent her, I remember you too, and it's better for everyone if you steer well clear of her. She's done nothing to hurt you and deserves to be happy.

[Thebluedog]

I think it’s perfectly reasonable that you don’t want to go to the baby shower. As you’ve said earlier, you not being there won’t cause issues or feelings of awkwardness, but your presence may well do if you feel so strongly about it. Your Mum is BU for trying to force the issue

When I realised I wasn’t able to have a 2nd child I was devastated, but there is little, to no sympathy, from most people, if you’ve already got a dc. At the time everyone around me seemed to be expecting and it was very upsetting. So I do have sympathy for you OP.

I would also recommend you get some councilling for this too.

[Worzilgummidge]

My relative is rightly happy and looking forward to birth of her dc and everybody else is looking forward to its arrival so they can lavish lots of attention on it. I don't blame them for that. I also know their joy will outweigh any thoughts about me.

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

To say nobody is suffering like you is beyond horrid tonsay. One example is the dad networks jen and al. They've been trying for another baby for years and suffered 7 miscarriages but through their blog they still celebrate with their friends children and news.

[Worzilgummidge]

U miss my point Anne I know there are loads suffering but I don't personally know any

[WorraLiberty]

You probably do know people who are suffering, but they've learned to be grateful for what they have and happy for others.

I really do think you need counselling from the sound of it. You seem to be wasting your life feeling miserable.

[Padparadscha]

I rarely come across anybody suffering like me.

You don’t see other people’s suffering because you are totally consumed by your own feelings. Your inability to see other people’s suffering was part of the reason the other thread dived.

No one here can help you overcome this, you need to get real life help.

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

I'm not punishing anybody

Have you asked your family if that's true? Have you asked them how it affects them when you fail to show at parties/celebrations? Have you asked them if your bitterness has affected their lives or their bond with you in any way? Have you asked your 17 year old if your behaviour has impacted on them?

[Wolfiefan]

You don’t know about their suffering because you aren’t only focused on yours. People suffer pain and loss. They generally try and not let it rule their whole lives.

[Worzilgummidge]

It's not true that I don't have sympathy for others I don't know where that comes from

[FiveShelties]

It is dreadful not being able to have a child - it can consume you and it is difficult to celebrate other people having children. I remember my sister in law telling me she got pregnant straight away when they were TTC - we had been trying for years and it is tough. But you seem to be missing out on so much concentrating on what might have been.

I have no children and to me you seem so lucky as you have a child. I hope your child does not know how unhappy you are, and I agree with others you need to seek help.

[Davespecifico]

Whatever you choose to do, do it without drama. Don't confide in your mum, don't tell them why you can't come.
Either decide to go, or if you really can't face it, send them something generous and give your apologies e g. I hope you have a lovely time but unfortunately I'm unable to make it.

[FunSponges]

You sound very 'woe is me' OP. I suspect your mum is fed up of hearing it. You do have a child. Some don't ever get that experience at all.