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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone actually like 'token gifts'

240 replies

Bearbehind · 10/10/2018 09:29

Inspired by a thread in the Christmas section about family limiting adult gifts to £10.

If you had a choice between receiving say 5 gifts at £10 or 1 at £50 which would you prefer?

I literally can't think of 5 things that cost £10 that I'd buy for myself let alone for other people.

People are always going on about waste, especially at Christmas and I just can't my head around why you'd do this.

I'd rather have nothing that 5 bits of tat I'll probably never use.

Does anyone actually like 'token gifts'?

OP posts:
greendale17 · 11/10/2018 07:51

In my world a £10 gift wouldn't be a 'token' gift. It would just be a gift.

In my world (and we are both on average wages) we wouldn’t dream of just spending £10 on a gift for anyone. To us £10 is a token gift

speakout · 11/10/2018 08:01

bookmum08

No I don't talk about what I would like. I don't like asking for things.

speakout · 11/10/2018 08:05

greendale17

To me the token is more important than the gift.

OH and I rarely spend more than £10 on each other.

We could easily afford to spend 100 times that- but we don't.

VenelopeVonSweetz · 11/10/2018 08:10

MIL always gets everyone token gifts to open in the evening after we’ve eaten and all main presents have been opened.

I normally get something really useful like a diary for the new year.

bookmum08 · 11/10/2018 08:36

speakout but why not? People take children to visit Father Christmas and he asks "what would you like for Christmas?". Why as an adult does that have to stop. I ask my family members what they would like and they ask me. Sometimes the answer is "oh nothing particular this year", sometimes it's "I would love to have the limited edition Christmas Brickheadz Lego set" or "I have been wanting to read the latest John Grisham book". These are normal conversations?

speakout · 11/10/2018 08:39

bookmum08

We don't ask because we are grown ups. If there is a book I would particularly like I would buy it myself.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/10/2018 08:44

I'm personally not really bothered, but i understand why other people care. My family are moving towards this sort of thing, and there's a bit of a divide in opinions on it - it seems to come down to how you manage your budget. Two siblings (despite being well off) simply do not allocate money to themselves for little odds and sods (although buying more expensive clothing, cars, spending a lot on cleaners and socialising), so enjoy receiving various small consumables, a book, a CD, candles etc. Other siblings live frugally generally but do allow a little cash in the budget for these things so simply don't need more of them.

My approach now is to make sure i'm running low on shower gels and various other bits and bobs as we approach christmas, so that I don't end up with more than I need when I receive some (I don't have space to hoard too much stuff).

NB to anyone who thinks £10 isn't "enough" to buy something worth having - you are lucky if you can afford more expensive things but for most people there are still plenty of pleasant things to be had for £10.

bookmum08 · 11/10/2018 08:46

Greendale but what if you know your mum really really wants something specific that costs £6.75. Would you not buy that? If you can afford more than a tenner jolly nice for you but isn't it better to give a gift that is something the person wants?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/10/2018 08:52

greendale17
"In my world (and we are both on average wages) we wouldn’t dream of just spending £10 on a gift for anyone. To us £10 is a token gift"

why? does it make it less meaningful if you've not spent as much money on it? Hmm

what do you expect people do who haven't got a lot of spare money, for whom £10 is unaffordable? I will enlighten you - they give as generously and thoughtfully as they can afford.

I'm lucky to earn a lot. My DH used to buy quite expensive presents for me, and while I appreciated his efforts, its taken me years to get him to understand that the thought, the tokenism, is far more valuable to me. The birthday card made with our little son with a painted handprint is the best gift he has ever given me.

speakout · 11/10/2018 08:58

The birthday card made with our little son with a painted handprint is the best gift he has ever given me.

Exactly.

FlowThroughIt · 11/10/2018 09:05

£10 Is low when for just a few more quid you could treat the fam to this: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3389029-to-ask-who-the-fuck-would-buy-this?pg=1&order=

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/10/2018 09:07

also...me the point isn't to "pool money for something the recipient wants". For me, the point is the act of giving, not the recipient asking for something. So yes its nice to be thoughtful and consider what someone will enjoy/appreciate, but I cannot stand the idea of people marking pages in catalogues or children giving parents extensive lists. I'm getting my son a toy train this Christmas, not because he asked for it, but because I know he will love it, and I've chosen his favourite thomas character.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/10/2018 09:10

flow god my cat mad son would probably bloody love that

the year will come when i will cave to the "no we are not having pets" rule and just get him a kitten, just because it will literally make him so so happy

dailyshite · 11/10/2018 09:12

Only read page one so sorry if the thread has moved on but I'd much rather have a thoughtful token gift than an expensive one.

Not flowers, prosecco etc because they don't really involve any thought at all, but for my birthday I was given some small pieces of jewellery which relate to an interest of mine and some incense by a friend (I was so touched that she had taken time to think about my interests and I wear that jewellery every day).

I don't like 'big' presents, just feels like a waste.

Thistles24 · 11/10/2018 09:20

All depends on what it is. There’s LOADS I could spend £10 on and be delighted- candle, book, favourite chocolates, make up but, for example, my mum at Xmas will buy me a main gift, worth £50ish then 5 token gifts to “make up my pile”. This always includes slipper boots and a pair of fleece pyjamas, both of which I never wear, and have dropped into conversation about how I’d boil in fleece and love a nice pair of cotton pjs. In that case, I’d rather no gift- I feel guilty putting them straight to the charity shop, it’s such a waste of money, but she loves buying presents, so I guess it serves that purpose...

Original poster
Bearbehind · 11/10/2018 09:22

The birthday card made with our little son with a painted handprint is the best gift he has ever given me.

That becomes slightly less enchanting when your son is 28! 😂

OP posts:
dailyshite · 11/10/2018 09:26

That becomes slightly less enchanting when your son is 28!

Do you mean that if he made a handmade card at 28 it would be less enchanting or that the card made as a child is less enchanting?

Either way I disagree. My DSD is 35, she drew a picture of DH when he changed career (she must have been about 4), we still have it framed on the wall and I love it when she makes home made cards (less fussed about the ones you get printed up off the internet though).

speakout · 11/10/2018 09:28

"Stuff" is killing the planet.

It doesn't sit well with me.

I would rather have a home made jar or preserves than the latest adult Lego set.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 11/10/2018 09:31

We buy from lists on both side of our family so the surprise element is the token cheap gifts. These are hit and miss, but it doesn't matter for a few pounds. Nobody minds wasting only a few pounds; it's great when it hits the mark and the charity shop benefits if it doesn't.

We also have a tradition of regifting some of the terrible joke presents and it's amusing to see them turning up again the following years, often disguised in some way or having missed out a coupe of years. Now whose turn is it to get the men's gold lame g string this year? that one will be out of circulation now as dad had the balls to put it on by the pool in our holiday villa, this year. Only for a minute or two fortunately. Did anyone mention eye bleach?

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 09:32

I honestly hate gifts. I wish the whole culture of 'gifts' would fuck right off tbh. Especially token gifts. Such a waste of money, time, resources etc. I would much rather we all just go out for a lovely dinner together, somewhere more expensive that we usually would and everyone pays.

I try to live a minimalist lifestyle with minimal amounts of stuff lying around in my house. I hate the pressure to buy a 'thoughtful' gift because someone has decided that that is what does on Christmas. If I see something I think someone will like, I buy it for them when I see it, not because I have to, because it's Christmas.

speakout · 11/10/2018 09:35

waste of money, time, resources

You think that going out for a fancy meal is not a waste of these resources?

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 09:38

speak Uh...not if everyone enjoys it, no.

My husband and I both like eating out, so how is it a waste of time?

speakout · 11/10/2018 09:40

ThisIsTheFirstStep

Exactly- just like some of us enjoy token gifting.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 09:42

speak I don't know anyone who enjoys token gifting. Every single person I know complains about the stress of Christmas shopping and yet every single person continues to do it. - waste of time

Then everyone gets a bunch of stuff they don't want and won't use, which takes up space. - waste of space

It is all pretty much useless. - waste of resources.

We need to eat anyway. Therefore eating out is less of a waste than eg a comedy bottle opener or singing fish wall decorative item.

Bloomcounty · 11/10/2018 09:47

I'm very happy with token gifts like a bunch of flowers, a bag of bulbs for the garden, a five pound book token, or a couple of balls of yarn, all of which I've been given recently by friends who I've helped out. Wine is no good as I don't drink. I think the key to a token gift is if its been bought with the recipient in mind. That's where the value is, not how much it cost.