Aibu or does anyone else think the system is set up to fail single mothers ?

[Ems8818]

So I’m a single mum to 4 . Three eldest from one dad who does see them at all and occasionally pays £18 a month Maintance, he has £13000 dept with csa which is never enforced as when ever they catch up with him he’s unemployed.
My youngest is only 5months and receives £160 a month maintenance. This is equivalent to 8% of his dads income .
Am I the only one who thinks the way child maintenance is calculated is wrong ? I’ve received a really good job offer which will provide long term security to me and my kids however im going have to turn it down as to be able to take the job my childcare costs will be £450 a week , tax credits will only pay £220 so the extra will need to come from my wages .
The baby’s dad will not have him at all to try and reduce the cost . Surly it would be more fair if cms considered things like this when working out they’re maintenance

istand worked my fucking arse off. Bought in a tin down area now so expensive I can’t even afford to live here. Simple. Learn the market. Buy the worst house on the best street in a run down area you researched beforehand knowing it was getting millions to regenerate and cross rail. Sit tight. Ignore the nay sayers. I can’t even afford where I live now to move up on the ladder. Mental!

I didn’t write anything on page 2 hair.

How did you buy? You got a mortgage? On a single wage? How long ago?

And no, no man or family involved to get my (now legally my kids) property. All my doing thanks, but apparently women can’t be independently successful without a man or family money and are therefore questioned. Ugh.

But why do we view this as I want my ex partner to pay and not the child’s parent to pay .
I don’t understand why it shouldn’t be a guarantee that both parents support they’re children .
I agree it shouldn’t be a guarantee that the state will , it’s not the state who made a baby so they have no control over this .
But this what I see as an issue the state require dad 1 to pay £18 a month for three children but I believe would pay roughly £160 a WEEK in tax credits , why does the state happily pay way more than it expects from the parent baffles me .
Dad 2 I believe tax credits is £60 for a baby again PER WEEK and will also pay 70% childcare so that’s an extra £185 a WEEK but only expects him to pay £160 a month
How is this right ?

Please note I don’t actually get these figures in tax credits but if I stayed out of work then I would be entitled to the tax credits for the three children

Yes mortgage on my own. 3.5 times my then salary. Bought a flat, sold it 9 years later made a massive profit and bought another, sold that 8 years later at the top price ever in that area and bought a dirt cheap fixer upper house in a non area which is now crazy desirable. Why as a single/married/widowed woman at the time with my own money (never ever got a joint mortgage ffs why would you?!) is that so hard to believe? Can’t we do anything alone?

so tax credits should just stop paying and force the men to pay instead??. how on earth would that work when my ex is on jsa so gets what £70 a week is it??

Bully for you foof. Not every woman has the means to buy a house on their own - but that lack of means doesn't reduce their right to a family life. People still fall in love, partner up and have children with the plan of it being a full time commitment. Then shit happens and one parent ( usually the dad sorry to say) pisses off with someone else or wants a single life because it's oh so hard.

Telling OP to " suck it up buttercup" told me all I need to know about you and your simplistic way of seeing the world.

By the way, I own my own house too.

I know greenlantern53 it’s not realistic but just trying to get people to see my issue is that the resident parent is expected to provide, the state is happy to provide and does so when needed , the only group in this whole system whos expection is extremely low is the non resident parent and just don’t understand why and how as society this is excepted

Ems8818 I have pmd you, don't give in to the bastards x

Not you foof but others did.

Well its never going to change is it? ex owes arrears in cm to me but doesnt have to pay them back whilst he is on benefits which has been years! so no incentive to work then. anyway I cant see it ever changing so nice in theory but thats it.

OP the system is skewed and totally unfair. Anyone with a brain can see that but the question is that concerns me the most is what are you going to do now? Your ex won’t be made to pay so how can you survive? That’s the most worrying!!!!

Why as a single/married/widowed woman at the time with my own money (never ever got a joint mortgage ffs why would you?!) is that so hard to believe? Can’t we do anything alone?

Because it’s rare, obviously, that can’t be news to you? I’m interested in how you managed it. I would hope some day to manage it myself but I think I might ask someone with fewer teeth how they did it.

I had a mortgage arranged on my own salary as a single parent in 2007 but the sale didn’t go ahead. Thank goodness because the arse fell out of the market the year after and I would have been stuck with a shitty house in negative equity. You must have bought a much longer time ago.

I own my own house too for the next two months at least. Well I live mortgage free and have a roof above me. 😂

Talking about mortgages isn't helpful when so many people nowadays are forced into private renting because of lack of true social/affordable housing.

Back on topic. Sort of!

From the stone age men have sown their seed where they can and moved on. Equality would be good OP but it's not going to happen. How many years have the CSA been up an running. How much has it cost to manage and what percentage of money due have they been able to collect and pass on to the parent with the child? In an ideal world, both parents should contribute equally. But they don't. Should single parents receive special treatment from the state? No. Not if that parent is benefitting at the expense of a couple on minimum wage with zero hours contracts.

I would rather the government tackle that obscenity of subsidising cheapskate companies of all sizes, by handing out tax credits to the poor employees. Changing that would benefit more parents and children.

And don't let me get started on paying out housing benefit to line the pockets of private landlords when it should be paid for social housing to help build more homes and pay for essential council services.

But too many MPs of all the political spectrum have their mouths in the trough as private ladlords to change anything.

Tbh foofloofah im going to suck it up butter cup and find a way to balance childcare cost with my income and also work on my plan a first coz I’m obviously shit at the closely followed by b and c

Yes I have no teeth and therefore had the infinite wisdom to buy and sell at the right times. Or I researched, spoke to those in the market and made the right decisions. It’s not that hard. And FYI I am about 50 years away from no teeth. It’s astounding to think people can’t own their own homes as a single parent unless ancient or something. Very narrow minded. Can’t help I rode the crest of the wave(s) when the housing market was in my favour.

Tbh there no hope in government changing policy until society agrees I can’t believe the amount of parents who don’t agree with equal responsibility.
I didn’t impregnate myself believe it or not - i know I’m good but I’m not that good lol

Good luck OP. Plan B is your kids ISAs/savings accounts which surely you started from birth as they were free. Then plan C is starting your taxable savings (10p a day) so when you go to court you can show that your income versus expenditure isn’t enough to survive on and that your ex(Es) need to pay amount X for you to be above the minimum national average income bracket for your family size.

To survive on showing your basic household bills.

Non paying and absent fathers are self absorbed cunts. And yes they should be banged to rights

Foof your plan b was done years ago my kids have way more money than I have and your plan c sod that I’m a single mum to 4 who will shortly be working full time .
Plan b it’s spend quality time with my kids and teach them in life it’s always easier to pass the buck but never the right thing todo and plan c is to ignore all who look down on others and judge situations with a narrow mind and to Be happy and successful in all that chose todo

Jesus. I don’t have an ISA for my child and if I did have I would have barely anything to put in it.

I had a decent full time job and was then made redundant. I decided to work part time while deciding what path to take after 18 years in the same job. Within a couple of months my ‘DH’ has left me. I started claiming tax credits and am now in a position where finding full time work is really difficult given the childcare costs I would face now that ‘DH’ has moved in with someone else. His child maintenence payments are reduced because his new girlfriend has a child, he has moved just far away enough to mean he can’t help with childcare and now I feel completely stuck. And I only have one child! I can’t imagine how hard it must be with four

People in this thread seem to love telling others what they should be doing which is easy enough when you are not or have not experienced the benefit trap.

I hope things improve for you.

What I am trying to say badly clearly is that as a parent and sole provider of a child or children you have to have plan B and C outside of the reliance of government assistance or exes. This is only because the system is fatally flawed and doesn’t help those who have to go at it alone. I don’t dispute that for a second. But your children look to you to feed, clothe and love them so when the shit hits the fan you need plans outside of your relationships.