Aibu or does anyone else think the system is set up to fail single mothers ?

[Ems8818]

So I’m a single mum to 4 . Three eldest from one dad who does see them at all and occasionally pays £18 a month Maintance, he has £13000 dept with csa which is never enforced as when ever they catch up with him he’s unemployed.
My youngest is only 5months and receives £160 a month maintenance. This is equivalent to 8% of his dads income .
Am I the only one who thinks the way child maintenance is calculated is wrong ? I’ve received a really good job offer which will provide long term security to me and my kids however im going have to turn it down as to be able to take the job my childcare costs will be £450 a week , tax credits will only pay £220 so the extra will need to come from my wages .
The baby’s dad will not have him at all to try and reduce the cost . Surly it would be more fair if cms considered things like this when working out they’re maintenance

I definitely think prison is not the answer but community service ect would be of more benefit to society I have had a look at some figures to try and show what I mean .
If I am employed earning £18000 per year and was nrp csm would expect me to pay 19% of my income which would be split between my 4 children .
19% = £1980 for the year or £38.08 per week
As it is for 4 children the £38.08 must be shared equally between them , so I will be required to give each of my children just £9.52 per week .
Compare this figure to they’re basic costs e.g
School meals £11 per younger child
£15 for comprehensive age
Childcare 4.50 per hour for older child
£48.50 per day for baby .
The point I’m trying to make is even before we consider if a nrp will pay the rates for maintenance are very low in respect to the actual cost of a child .
On top of that the nrp also has more freedom and flexibility in the work hours ect they can do as they’re not as they do not have the full time responsibility of they’re child to consider.

If you are paying the basic rate of child maintenance, the following percentages apply: –
Maintenance for one child: 12% of gross weekly income. –
Maintenance for two children: 16% of gross weekly income. –
Maintenance for three or more children: 19% of gross weekly income.29 Jul 2013

How many resident parents can say that they only spend 12% of they’re income on they’re child .

I agree that the percentages are misleading. For my family, our DC cost about £6k a month. I would need about another £2k a month for myself. Quite frankly I don't care if the nrp is living in substandard accommodations if their DCs needs are being met.

Fortunately I've continued working while having DC and pushed hard to increase my earnings. I'm at the point now where I can support my DC and myself on my income alone. It took me 6 years and it wasn't easy. I'm still pushing hard now and am neigotiating another increase in income this year. This is what men do and why there is a pay gap.

My child is in childcare two evenings a week. This fascilitates both me and my ex to work. We both pay for it. However, he resents the fact that I work part time and thinks we should stop the childcare and I do all the school pickups and drop offs. This would mean I can’t do any overtime when asked to. If I wanted to increase after school care For a full time job I am pretty sure my ex would say ‘you pay it, that’s what child maintenance is for’.

The fact is that women have always been the ones to change their hours, go part time, move their lives around to make things work. Some men do it but too few for it to be of any significance. The ‘system’ does suck because it is a system where women are penalised every which way and expected to do all the emotional labour. This is not about picking a shit partner, it’s about most men being reluctant to give up their time because - the patriarchy.

6k a month?! Really?

For my family, our DC cost about £6k a month

An alternate universe going on here.

No no, Glovesick, it is 8k a month. You missed the bit where she "would need about 2k a month for myself."

Sorry yes 8k! At 50% tax rate that is a gross monthly income of 16k so annual around £200k.

Would only just cover my basic needs too...

Fortunately she is currently negotiating another increase in income, so these straightened times shouldn't continue too much longer.

Yes it's about £6k a month for my DC. Childcare alone is about £3k. The housing costs of having to accommodate 3DC runs another £1800 a month and their medical expenses, food, clothing, activities and transportation makes up the rest.

For me, £2k a month includes my pension. So £1k for my pension and £1k for everything else including transportation.

Having DC isn't cheap and yes I am a higher earner. I'm not going to cut back on childcare as I can't work unless I know my DC are well taken care of. 2 of my DC have ASD so it's important they have childcare that is appropriate for them. It's expensive but that's why I'm motivated to go out there and make sure I'm getting paid damn well for what I do.

Anyway, the point is that £6k for 3DC isn't an astronomical amount for someone like myself. Yes you can do it for less there is a price paid. This rubbish of a percentage is insane. They need to look at the actual costs for each family.

What a child needs obviously invites some subjective judgement but (special needs excepted) a reasonable assessment of needs is unlikely to run to those amounts.

Your choices are your business so long as you can afford them, but arguing (which I know you are not doing) the state or another person (nrp) to subsidise them would be a very difficult case to make.

Glove That's the issue. DH is making about £550k a year but on tax returns he shows less because he doesn't take money out of his business. Expecting him to cover £6k a month is very reasonable IMO and should be absolutely no issue. It would be an issue in the UK because the CSA take only the income per the tax return. Here in the US I'd get about £20k a month because they look at the whole picture and they would start seizing assets and putting him in jail if he didn't pay in full on time plus kept up with his visitation. I work FT in a career that most men have a SAHM or wife working PT. I have to pay for the help. Why should I, and therefore the DC be penalized should DH and I divorce? This is why the CSA are a joke.

OP tell him to shove his money up his rear end. Find childcare somehow and prove to everyone you are strong. That's what I did. My siblings and friends were proud which made me feel great.

I am almost out the other end as a single parent.
I adore my DC's and I wouldn't go begging to anyone else to pay for them. I worked full time with a daily commute of an hour each way.
I had a tiring time but I would do it all again.

You're not beaten yet. Forget him and think plan b.

Why are people so up in arms about ' sponging off the goverment'?
The role of the government should be to help the people ...not let them fight amonst themselves over scarse resources whilst the pockets of Mps are being lined...oh wait!

It depends on how you look at it. In many situations mum gets the kids most of the time, dad gets bugger all and is expected to contribute towards their upbringing. Dad decides to start a new family because he isn't really a part of his kids lives, then struggles to support the new family.
I think dad's should get the kids half the time, and pay half of all expenses. Obviously this wouldn't work in all cases, but if mum insists on having the kids with her, then she can pay for them.

Monty27 in allowing the ex to shove his money up his rear end, you are enabling him to steal from your children as the money is for them.
Snitzelcrumb I think you'll find that works for very few NRPs, mores the pity.