Aibu or does anyone else think the system is set up to fail single mothers ?

[Ems8818]

So I’m a single mum to 4 . Three eldest from one dad who does see them at all and occasionally pays £18 a month Maintance, he has £13000 dept with csa which is never enforced as when ever they catch up with him he’s unemployed.
My youngest is only 5months and receives £160 a month maintenance. This is equivalent to 8% of his dads income .
Am I the only one who thinks the way child maintenance is calculated is wrong ? I’ve received a really good job offer which will provide long term security to me and my kids however im going have to turn it down as to be able to take the job my childcare costs will be £450 a week , tax credits will only pay £220 so the extra will need to come from my wages .
The baby’s dad will not have him at all to try and reduce the cost . Surly it would be more fair if cms considered things like this when working out they’re maintenance

Benefits do not take into account any maintenance. You will be receiving what everyone gets plus your partners income. They gave up including maintenance ages ago so you are given the money to live and maintenance is an extra. It was easier to manage and you are netter off than those that get no maintenance. I am sorry but working tax credits are relatively okay to live on... caveat if you are outside of London and in social housing? You need to chase CSA... they can even take his licence away to drive. Also, contact your MP.

Meant ex partner maintenance... not income.

I currently work 2 jobs as a LP, (2 DC, one has SEN) im looking at some work at home options for the evenings and I’m interviewing for a third (or would that be forth?) job this week that will be for all day Saturday and Sunday. I can only do this because my mother recently retired and has agreed to do the childcare. (I know how lucky I am) the only reason I am able to work at all is because my DC are in full time school. Before that I couldn’t afford childcare. Their father hasn’t seen them in almost two years and there has been no child support this month. Again. But sure, I need to work harder

I suppose my point with child care costs when your complete single mother , as in like my situation dads will not look after the child at anytime is that there is no option to work around each other as in say one working nights and one days , also the childcare cost I’ve quoted are for term time that’s without managing school holidays where if both parents combine a/l entitlement that 56 days where as I only have 28

OP you are right- women do tend to get the rough draw in situations like this.

Four kids would be testing for most of us though.

And having a fourth while having a financially unstable situation for the first three was bound to make your situation more difficult I'm afraid.

Lol yes definitely it must just be that all us working single mums don’t run around and catch our arses on fire enough .
Any comments about benifits providing for me and my family are irrelevant as this is my problem why do we live in a country where the care of children is left to resident parents and the government surly this is the issue nothing else .
I’m guessing if bob resident parents had to juggle like the resident parent there would be a lot less single parents . Jesus why would someone what the joy and happiness of child when you only have to give a maximum of 16% of your wages to them and leave all they’re care up bring and emotional needs to someone else .
I tell my baby’s farther all the time if I could pay someone £160 a month to look after my kids full time and ensure they had all they needed my life would be a piece of piss

The parent left with the child suffers the most financially.

That's usually the woman and why I'm amazed at how little thought many women put into having babies...often with men they hardly know.

The NRP gets away with not having to do as much.

You didn't have to have four children with two deadbeats.

However, nothing to stop you being independent, learn to do something that will pay you reasonably well and you can stick two fingers up at your unfortunate children's dads.

Very good luck

I think you all miss understand before I had my 4th child I was financially stable and have been for years .
The last 18 months of my life have been shit to put it Mild . However like I’ve said before no sob story’s all I’m expecting is that it takes 2 to make a baby so 2 should be equally responsible for that baby

Walkingdeadfangirl - you are joking? You truly believe that most people on benefits CHOOSE to be a single parent??

OP but if baby father number one is not working then who will pay?

Ultimately it is the responsibility of the adults who created these children to pay for them.

Haven't read the full thread yet but I'm a single parent to one child. Relationship broke down soon after my child arrived with the "father" becoming violent. After a year of nothing i went to CMS and they went via his employer...was able to get about £40 per month for a bit. He was incensed by this of course and reduced his hours at work so he didn't have to pay. Alongside his "job" he was running a business too so not all declared.

My issue is that his earnings were "protected" and due to not earning enough he didn't have to pay.

Where do I get the choice to duck out of my financial responsibilities to my child? You create a life regardless of your earnings there should be something contributed. If I'm having to cover costs as I do, I don't have the option to say "sorry I need to protect my salary"...i have to suck it up and pay!

I have always worked and have slogged my guts out to get into a £50k per annum job...getting this job took me about 6yrs to get to, working my way up. In the meantime I've not had a dime or a pot to piss in. I haven't been to the dentist for 7yrs now...cant afford it. My flat (shared ownership rent and mortgage) is a mess...everything is broken or needs replacing as over all this time I've been in the minus after bills are paid. Childcare the real crusher at 1500 per month before my ds went to school! I'm finding my feet now but it's been hard and then I see him drive by in a brand new Mercedes without a care in the world.

Makes me sick! Why is this allowed to happen??!

These men just get away with it!

Sorry Em - been there, done it, got the t-shirt so any comment is from experience. Just for a couple of years. Walkingdeadfangirl .. glad other people have it all sorted.

OP sorry but if your life has been shit for 18 months why did you think another child would help the situation?

I have learnt todo things that pay well it’s just impossible to earn as much as two people and physically have the same time and energy as two people .
As to having 4 kids by 2 dead beats I agree my taste in men is crap but as I said before if we could all see what’s to come I’m sure everyone’s life would be a whole lot easier

I wouldn't say the system is set up to fail, I would say that being a single mother with four children is intrinsically a losing situation to be in (sorry, I know that is unhelpful) and the system does not fully compensate for this.

The problem is with the non-supporting fathers, simple as that.

God this thread is depressing. Single parenthood is shit, no one chooses to have financial insecurity, to have full time care of their kids with no back up, to be dependent on the state to help them survive. I thought I would be okay with my ex, but he left and moved out the country. I struggle to work because I have NO support. There’s literally just me - and I’m trying to bring in the income of 2 parents, raise my child as 2 parents, run a home as 2 parents.... you get the gist. It’s fucking hard just surviving, never mind anything else!

Speakout... tell me, do you work or are you supported? Do you work part time? I would love to know the context. ps... I work in a very good job now and I am happy my taxes redistribute (it is not all fair but the system helped me when I needed it). Glad you never needed it.

Work. Your kids will get the free hours and then They’ll be in school. It will get easier. Living off benefits is miserable, poor role modelling for your kids, and as they get older the benefits will drop/ go and you’ll be a single mum dependent on shrinking benefits with at least 4 kids and crap chances at a decent job or career. My mum watch others on benefits get more than she earned for years, but she worked, jobs got better, money got better and everything got better. The families in benefits were still on benefits, bored and looking to have more kids as the older ones moved on and they stopped getting money.

The system is tough for everybody but especially working couples or people who've lost their job. I am a Carer to my only child. He is severely disabled. I haven't had anymore children because I knew I'd never be able to afford them myself as DS needs 24/7 care for the rest of my life. I don't want a medal for it.. I sometimes regret not having anymore.

Carers are treated so.poorly. The benefit rates are so low. I have no care fir him.as he has just left school. I empathise with you to a degree.

Like I said I don’t put my personal life out for sympathy the whole point is that all my children are here throu not only my choice but they’re fathers also .
Now the government are making changes that family’s gave to chose if they can support they’re family which I think is a good idea however what about when one of those adults decide that they change they’re mind it’s the other who has to pick up they’re slack now don’t get me wrong I don’t think the government should pick the slack either but surly they need to develop they’re policy’s to ensure absent parents can’t just leave they’re responsiblity . Thus leaving the children to suffer

OP it's bloody hard and despite my crazy rant (sorry bad day and it's still as raw as ever!) I strongly suggest you make the job work somehow. Even if youre only a few quid up after Childcare, it will be hard but you give yourself the opportunity to progress and earn more. Childcare will obviously reduce after a few years when the little one goes to school. I sucked it up and I'm definitely in a better place finally. I need to use my brain, am ambitious and want my d's to learn that money doesn't grow on trees. I also like that I'm not reliant now on a penny of his "fathers" money. I've done it...just me.

Dandygal1976
I am a carer and I work part time.

Not sure why my working hours are relevant.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha.. being a single parent with 4 children is an okay situation tbh. Maximise the maintenance.. that is not taken into account, make sure you are in social housing and work 30 hour week. Please remember I do not claim benefits. My very good, hard working friend, works 30 hours a week with 5 children all under the age of 7. I just cannot convert this if private rental prices. And there is the true problem I never see discussed. There are people around here on £1100 a month a rent. Social Housing is £450 a month. All get paid the same benefit. It is madness. the benefit takes into account housing costs and social housing are laughing.