not attending parents evening?

[GreenLantern53]

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

'I am abrupt, you are impolite, she is rude....'

I tried to skip parents evening one year. Both kids were very happy at school, I was very happy with them progressing. Teachers were lovely. But they really don’t like it if you don’t want to go!

zzzzzz

It's just interesting - I have two very able DCs, who have almost always done well, and I do find parents' evenings useful. Perhaps secondary less than primary - secondary is often very data-driven and the teachers don't always know your child very well - but in primary seeing my own children through a teacher's eyes, and seeing their books in detail, was ALWAYS useful.

Swatsup

"But they really don’t like it if you don’t want to go!"

Where I work, I HAVE to contact at least one parent / carer for every child in my class. So if you choose not to come to the evenings set aside for this, I not only have to do those evenings (with an irritating 120 minute gap which i could have seen you during), but also have to chase you for further face to face meetings or telephone you to speak to you. This does make me reasonably keen to see you on the allotted evening if at all possible!

10 minute gap, obviously....

My child’s school recently actively discouraged parents attending - they emailed saying to read your child’s report carefully and decide if you needed to see the teacher based on what was written. The way it was worded made it seem as though they didn’t want to see you unless you felt there was something specific to discuss. My child’s report was good so I didn’t go - now I’m feeling like I made some sort of faux pas!!

That's a fair point. A bit like the parents of SEN children above, who have daily detailed contact with staff about their child and frequent meetings, parents in the type of school you describe might well have much freer access to e.g. work in children's books, regular short chats with the teacher than a parent at a more 'typical' 2 form entry primary.

My partner and I work full time and ensure that we attend every meeting, event, play as possible even taking a few hours off from work.

It is the "I can't be bothered" brigade who end up wondering what went wrong when darling child ends up with a dead end job or a child who feels that their parent could not be bothered with who, what they are about.

No doubt you'll get there if you have some nit-picking with this teacher.

I've found them useful even if the DC are doing just fine. It's so much easier to work with the teacher when you've met face to face. It also makes it easier for the teacher to reach out to you if needed.

She’s probably thinking “you can’t come to parents’ evening, that’s means you’ll want to come another time, and take up my time when I could be marking or planning”. I see it all the time at school! Don’t worry about it, things come up that can’t be helped.

Most Parents' Evenings, High Schools, are a waste of time, those whose parents turn up don't generally have problems, maybe because their parents could be bothered!
Once had a father rushing around the desks as the Evening was ending, almost 10pm, he'd apparently had a transport problem. Very apologetic by the time he got to me, I said Do you want the short version before the pubs close? Nothing wrong with your son that a good kick in the pants won't cure! He said it was the most honest assessment he'd ever had and the boy eventually did very well in his GCSEs.

Yanbu to say you can't go. Not everyone has work that is flexible or that first normal 9-5 working.

I've not really got anything out of parents evenings, for Dc1 at about it was a little more helpful but they had already contacted me about certain issues anyway
For dc2 it has been the same story since year r and they are now in Yr 6.

I don't think there has been any value or influence over me going to them.
I know the teachers as they are present at morning drop off and pick up.

However I go. But in all honesty I can't stand them and will not miss them.

At senior not about

Tilly, why - and I ask this as a teacher in primary - is the feedback you give parents at secondary parents' evenings ONLY useful to those who have problems? Do you not know the children well enough to give detailed suggestions for improvement in your subject to every child?

I mean, i get it if you teach the child for 1 lesson per fortnight in drama. But if you are a Maths or English or Science teacher, surely you should have a detailed enough knowledge of the children to say 'she's a little shaky in algebra / circle theorems so they could do with revising' or 'does really well in class, but exam-style questions are an issue, here's a good resource' or 'general structure of essays is good but take care in choosing the best and most relevant quotations'?

The context is everything.!

Can't attend because you are working. Absolutely fine. A shame but can't be helped.

Have a date with Dave down the road. YABU and need to get your priorities straight.

As this is an anonymous site. Why not just give the context ?

When you originally found out you couldn't attend did you speak to/email the teacher to try and arrange a more suitable time?
If not then YABU

Maybe if the school reports were more detailed then parents would be able to make a conscious decision as to whether or not they'd need to see the teacher to discuss further?

Parents' evenings just seem to manic and rushed. Although I'd always attend, personally.

I took my much younger sister to a parents' evening a couple of years ago and the IT teacher didn't recognise her. Awkward

We've just had our parents evening switch to a parents "open afternoon" bloody ridiculous if you're at work as most of our school are.

@OhDearGodLookAtThisMess

Tempered in whose opinion? The poor class teacher who had to set aside a third evening during the same week?

Yes. Because the teacher can say no. But equally some parents can’t attend in a set date. That’s life I’m afraid. Some jobs don’t allow flexibility which is why it would be me asking, which allows the teacher the right to also refuse. At which point as adults we agree to give this one a miss or find a way around it.

The “poor class teacher” can say no just as a parent can too. Asking if another night is possible is not wrong if you accept that the answer is yes or no.

@cantkeepawayforever

I am afraid I would NEVER be able to do another night that same week - and if you think about it, when a teacher is already in school 2 nights until 7.30 pm, why should you expect it? 'Sometime over the next few weeks' would be possible, yes

My comment used ‘same week’ as an example only but obviously any mutually agreed time would be fine - a week or a month later - whatever suits. Or of course teacher could say no if no other date is free.

Friday,

Apologies, I thought you were possibly giving it just as an example.