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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not attending parents evening?

397 replies

GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 17:56

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

OP posts:
Bluesanatomy · 09/10/2018 22:52

Urgh why have you not said why you can't go. Ridiculously annoying and pointless thread.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 09/10/2018 23:01

If attending parents' evening is not a priority for you, why do you think the teacher should make it her priority to re-arrange?

civicxx · 09/10/2018 23:03

My daughters school has a class parents evening, as in you basically watch a power point all together about what their doing & I will not take time out of work for that. Plus it's a very very religious school & we aren't so most of the 'parents evening' is actual just the head talking about God & how much money they want out of us this year. I book an appointment for 15 minutes after school on my days off with class teacher if I have any concerns & she is very good, she often catches parents at pick up if something needs to be addressed :) each to their own

annikin · 09/10/2018 23:03

It's important to show an interest. Important to your child - why should they bother if you don't care? I say this as someone who hasn't been to a parents evening in years as they really either annoy me or make me anxious, so I now 'delegate' that job to dh. But if he couldn't go, I would make myself because it's important. Not because of anything the teacher says (ours literally read straight off the sheet of paper in front of them, which they then give to you, so I can read it myself thanks!), but to show your child you care about their education, and encourage them to keep doing their best.

Sethis · 09/10/2018 23:18

FWIW Parents evening is seen by a lot of people as:

Parents sit down
Teacher tells Parents about any problems
Parents stand up and leave

If you have a parents evening, it might be worthwhile thinking of a question or two to ask about each specific subject.

"DC struggled with aspect X of subject Y. Do you think they're better at it now?"

"DC doesn't see the point of subject Z, I'm not sure what to say to them. Can you help me out?"

"DC seems to get a lot of homework from your class, how can we best manage this?"

"Where do you think DC is, compared to the others? How can they improve?"

"What are the most important things for DC to revise before the exams?"

etc etc etc

If you care to ask, the teacher will happily answer all of the above and more. It's not just checking that the status quo is fine, it's also working out how to improve and advance.

zzzzz · 10/10/2018 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Turquoise123 · 10/10/2018 17:28

When I have not been able to attend e.g have been out of the country I have asked to meet up with the key teachers at another time and they have always been happy to do this.

abas · 10/10/2018 17:43

I can't understand not being there - unless there really was a valid reason. I always attended parents' evenings for all three of my children - as my daughter does now and sometimes it's difficult because of her work but it's one of the first things she puts in her diary when she gets the school term events. The teachers also are having to be there. Its amazing sometimes what hidden gems you pick up at parents' evenings about your children.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 10/10/2018 17:58

I am astounded at the number of people who advise to "just ask for another appointment" to suit them.
Multiply your own vital need to be special by the number of other parents a teacher also has to factor in at different times, along with others who've been advised that they can "just ask for separate appointments" because they're divorced/separated.
Do you all really think teachers have nothing better to do than run multiple parent consultation events to fit everyone's conflicting diaries?!
FFS, you're given two dates (usually). If you can't make it for whatever reason, suck it up and accept it. Ask for the notes (if they're in written format). Please do not expect to be given even more time out of a teacher's precious workload, just to suit yourselves.

PurplePenguins · 10/10/2018 18:02

Parents' evening is often the only time I get to meet parents and I get to meet my DC teachers. It is hard for me as a teacher to arrange childcare so that I can be there for the evening so if a parent just can't be bothered, it does nark me. It is also hard for me, the parent, as my DC parents evening is always on a Wednesday which is our staff meeting night so it can be impossible to make it. I will always try and arrange another day though. Parents' evening help parents find out how to support their child's learning as well as talk to the teacher about any concerns. If you can go, I think you should. If you can't go, arrange it for another time.

Fowles94 · 10/10/2018 18:05

I think you are being extremely unreasobable. Parents evening is extremely important and my mum used to book the time of work/take us with her. There is no excuse and if you can't be bothered why should the teacher give up more of their time for you.

mumknowsbest47 · 10/10/2018 18:05

You sound very difficult. If you cannot attend you cannot but you are clearly making more of it. I am sure during the last 15 years there must have been an occasion when I couldn’t make parents evening. I would have explained and tried to arrange a different time. The teacher obviously thinks you give a shit for some reason otherwise it wouldn’t be an issue. Or you feel guilty.....????

mumknowsbest47 · 10/10/2018 18:06

dont give a shit

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 10/10/2018 18:07

I thinking echoing other posters by saying that if you refused to give any indication why ...such as "I can't attend for childcare reasons / I have an appointment etc " and were as abrupt as you are here then of course she gave an odd look

I work full time 40 minutes away from ds school so it's bnot so easy for me either but I explain why if I am unable to attend something

Dragon3 · 10/10/2018 18:09

YANBU in being unable to attend. But delivery is important.

'I'm so sorry. I have an unavoidable commitment and won't be able to make it. Would you consider a telephone appointment later that evening?' is different to, 'I can't attend'

Dragon3 · 10/10/2018 18:10

I disagree with PPs and don't think that you have to give a reason. But I do think that you should demonstrate your flexibility and regret in dealings with the teacher.

Orchiddingme · 10/10/2018 18:12

I haven't attended every parents evening. I missed the first two of my dd's secondary school, she was doing amazingly well, I knew this from her reports which were detailed, and was working both times and didn't reschedule. It's a giant performance anyway about you looking interested, and them pretending to be interested. There's probably only 5 kids they actually need to speak to the parents in non-GCSE years anyway. I went the year after that because of the social shame, and it was really nice to be told how great my child was doing, but it didn't tell me anything whatsoever that I didn't already know because of the reports!

Sallybates · 10/10/2018 18:18

Opportunity to hear how you’re child’s doing, opportunity to hear how you can support them make progress, opportunity to develop relationship with school. No brainer surely? .guess teacher might have had to make arrangements for their own childcare to meet you.
Get your act in gear as a parent- makes me so cross!

neveradullmoment99 · 10/10/2018 18:29

Well of course you are not being unreasonable. You are being unreasonable if you dont contact the school and make an appointment for when suits both you and the teacher.

Misty9 · 10/10/2018 18:31

My parents stopped bothering with my parents evenings at secondary school as they knew what they would hear and I was doing well academically. I still remember 20 years later and it still hurts that they couldn't be bothered. Show the interest.

bandthenjust · 10/10/2018 18:32

I've always gone to them, but always wondered why I bothered afterwards. They never actually spoke anout mg kids as individual s; just school targets.

Haffdonga · 10/10/2018 18:32

To misquote Friends:

Yes, it IS a big deal and no it DOESN'T happen to lots of guys parents.

No doubt the teacher was fairly unimpressed by your apparent not-giving-a-shit attitude about the one time a year you get detailed personal feedback on how your child is doing.

zzzzz · 10/10/2018 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bekstar · 10/10/2018 18:39

I couldn't attend to my sons due to been in hospital but instead has a chat via Skype with his teacher from my hospital bed. Personally I think parents evening is important because how else are you gonna know if your child is struggling etc. There's nothing wrong with been unable to make that day but a polite "Sorry I'm not gonna be able to make that day, can I contact you to arrange another suitable time". Instead of coming across with what sounded in your discription like an "I can't be bothered" attitude. From the kids point of view it's not nice knowing all your friends parents have been to see their teacher but theirs hasn't, most schools are very accommodating about times if your busy but I'd probably have been just as annoyed myself if I'd been the teacher and got a response like that. You don't need to give a reason in front of other parents you just need to be polite.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 10/10/2018 18:46

Surely not everyone can make the dates, and we don't get a lot of notice in our school. I'm lucky because I'm a SAHM and my husband works from home, but it's really tricky for working parents. Considering it's a quick 10 minute slot anyway it's not unreasonable to ask to see the teacher for exactly the same consultation another day.