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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not attending parents evening?

397 replies

GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 17:56

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 09/10/2018 19:41

GreenMeerkat
In which case schools doing that aren't terribly helpful. We have the full year of key dates available before the end of the academic year ready to publish in advance.

(Which is why I always find it a bit irritating that an evening going on until 7/730pm is apparently too much effort for some parents when their child is sitting gcses)

JeanPagett · 09/10/2018 19:42

Like others, I think most parents make absolutely every effort to go to parents' evenings, even if it's pretty inconvenient with work/siblings whatever.

Obviously, as many others have said there are exceptional circumstances, but it's coming across like you just can't be bothered and aren't really prioritising your child's education. Apologies if that's way off the mark, of course I'm only going off a couple of brief posts.

crimsonlake · 09/10/2018 19:46

If you cannot attend you can simply ask to see her after school at a mutually agreed time, this is the norm.

cantkeepawayforever · 09/10/2018 19:49

I think it is possibly a clash between OP's 'belief about what the norm is' and the teacher's 'knowledge of what the norm is' that was the problem here, because it would have made the tone of each incomprehensible to the other:

Teacher [knowing the vast majority of parents attend parents' evenings] 'Oh, OP, which time would you like?'

OP [believing that not attending is commonplace, even perhaps the norm] 'Oh, I'm not coming'

Teacher [now thinking that OP must be a parent who doesn't care enough about education to attend parents' evenings, possibly at odds with previous perception of OP] 'Oh....' strange look

OP [still thinking that not attending is normal / commonplace, and thus not understanding teacher's response] Why is she giving me that look?

QueenCuntyFlippers · 09/10/2018 19:52

I’m a teacher and I’ve had parents evening spread over a week trying to accommodate people. Bloody annoying!

Valanice1989 · 09/10/2018 19:55

there is VERY little value added by “parents Evening”.

Why is "parents evening" in quotation marks, as if you don't think that its real name? (Yes, I know I put it in quotation marks as well, but that's because I'm directly quoting you!) And why wouldn't you give the time of day to your children's teachers?

cantkeepawayforever · 09/10/2018 19:57

Agreed Queen. Obviously I don't mind if there is a genuinely serious reason why a parent can't attend on either of the nights we offer. However, I do find 'I'm too busy that night / I have yoga / childcare is a bit tricky' ones a little more irritating, because of the implicit (and wildly incorrect) assumption 'But YOU'RE not busy / have no interests or commitments outside school / have no childcare to arrange'.

bmbonanza · 09/10/2018 19:58

Can't, or Can't with a bit of effort to rearrange. If you genuinely cannot attend tell her why and organise something else but if not, get your priorities sorted and get there - it is important.

RomanyRoots · 09/10/2018 19:58

When my dc were at school the teachers would see those who had siblings, sahp's first, after school. This would leave the later slots for working parents.
Obviously a working parent could attend an earlier time if free.
It seemed to work well, of course there will always be somebody who really can't go.
Mine is on a Sunday evening, that has to be the most inappropriate time for the teachers, and I take my hat off to them.

cantkeepawayforever · 09/10/2018 20:00

"there is VERY little value added by “parents Evening”."

Can you explain why that is, perhaps so you can feed back to your schoolabout how they could improve it?

Is there no added value

  • because you already have so much feedback about your child's progress?
  • because the information given is too bland / generic?
  • because there is nothing interesting in any of your child's workbooks?
  • because your child's teacher does not seem to have any information about your child [I have had that at secondary, once]
-because 10 minutes focusing on and discussing your child's learning with the person who teaches them isn't important
  • because you know your child is doing fine and you don'ty need any more detail?
seeyouhen · 09/10/2018 20:04

Your cousins moan about parents not attending parents' evening to their relatives? Maybe you can try to get them involved in some hobbies

In the real world people talk to their families about their jobs. Get a life and stop looking for things to be annoyed at. In your own words 'get involved in some hobbies'.

Momasita · 09/10/2018 20:07

Not read thread.

It's got many variables really, do you normally attend? Is your dc doing OK?

I have had to bow out of one in 7 years. One. Dd doing extremely well. I had several staff members questioning me. Very intrusive and rude. It was not possible for us to go. Sometimes they have to give the benefit of the doubt...

QueenCuntyFlippers · 09/10/2018 20:09

Absolutely. I have some lovely parents that genuinely couldn’t make one of the two evenings and I’ve squeezed them in. I have raised eyebrows at some of the excuses and some that ‘forgot’so I now have to magic time from nowhere to fit them in. Yey! Hmm

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 09/10/2018 20:10

but my refusal was tempered by asking if I could see the teacher on another night that week.

Tempered in whose opinion? The poor class teacher who had to set aside a third evening during the same week?

Blessthekids · 09/10/2018 20:10

If there is anything to be worried about then the teacher would ask you to reschedule another time or they would call you so I think its fine if you really can't attend.

VerbenaGirl · 09/10/2018 20:12

Our Primary offered alternative appointments at another mutually agreeable time for parents who couldn’t make the designated parents evenings.

HomeMadeMadness · 09/10/2018 20:12

Your cousins moan about parents not attending parents' evening to their relatives? Maybe you can try to get them involved in some hobbies

Yeah how pathetic of your cousins to be invested in their students and want to tell their parents about their child's progress. They should start caring less about the children they teach!

mumsastudent · 09/10/2018 20:13

one of the dc I childminded had parent evening & carer got stuck on train - dc was upset as she wanted to show work - so I went with her - not to talk to teacher (tho I explained carers problem) but so dc could show her work - I couldn't bare that child was upset - it made dc child happy . parent evenings are just about talking to teacher especially in primary school (the carer made appointment another day to catch up with teacher. (I wasn't over stepping mark I talked over with carer first)

cantkeepawayforever · 09/10/2018 20:13

but my refusal was tempered by asking if I could see the teacher on another night that week.

I am afraid I would NEVER be able to do another night that same week - and if you think about it, when a teacher is already in school 2 nights until 7.30 pm, why should you expect it? 'Sometime over the next few weeks' would be possible, yes

ivegotflowersinthespring · 09/10/2018 20:14

YABU

PerverseConverse · 09/10/2018 20:14

OP sounds rather familiar in style and attitude but can't remember the thread. Similar tone, lack of insight, rude "none of anyone's business" responses....

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 09/10/2018 20:15

Our Primary offered alternative appointments at another mutually agreeable time for parents who couldn’t make the designated parents evenings.

And ours quite categorically does not. Why should they? Two evenings offered should be sufficient for all but the exceptional circumstance.

Topseyt · 09/10/2018 20:15

You do sound abrupt (which you have admitted) and that can be very rude.

I think it is important to attend Parents'Evenings. You are told how your child is doing and what you can do to help and support in the best way possible. If you really cannot make it, which does sometimes happen, then send apologies in advance and ask to arrange another more suitable time.

Remember that teachers put a fair bit of work into Parents' Evening. They aren't paid any overtime for it, so are entitled to be irritated by abrupt rude parents.

Tiredtomybones · 09/10/2018 20:19

Yabu

Original poster
GreenLantern53 · 09/10/2018 20:19

PerverseConverse
Huh? I said I was probably too abrupt and will be speaking to the teacher about rearranging.

OP posts:
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