not attending parents evening?

[GreenLantern53]

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

Mymycherrypie

This is exactly it. You cannot put a time value on the opportunity to praise a child in front of the people they love. People turning this down on their child's behalf because they can't be arsed ONCE A YEAR are basically stealing from their kids.

YABU

In a way parents evening is a waste of time for me, but that’s because due to ds SN I am in daily contact with the school. I still go though as it’s a chance to look at his books and have a quick check in with the teacher

@zzzzz

So your children cannot improve in any way? Is that the message you are getting so don't feel the need to attend?

@Mymycherrypie

Absolutely! I'm gobsmacked that some parents don't see this as important.

From a teacher's point of view - primary: I am required by the school o contact every parent on or around Parents' Evening.

This obviously works best if everyone comes to one of the two pre-arranged dates, which have been in the diary since the end of the last academic year, as I will have made notes, got all their books out, got all the data to hand and generally be in communicate about your child without interruptions' mode - in particular, I will have arranged childcare for my own children in order to be in school until mid-late evening to facilitate the attendance of working parents. head, SENCo etc will also all be on hand should any issue arise that needs further discussion.

I am entirely happy to see individual parents on dates around Parents' Evening, though I dio hate it when that is used to take 40 minutes rather than 10 without good cause.

I am also entirely happy to call you, though of course that is less satisfactory because i can't show you what i mean in your child's books.

I don't appreciate having to call you multiple times or for you to miss multiple appointments 'because my job is busy and you're just a teacher so you finish at 3', nor for you to expect a late evening appointment on a different evening, because late evenings in school require me to make arrangements for my own family that i'm quite willing to make for pre-arranged dates but not at your request. i can. and do, call from home if you can only make late evenings.

I do, slightly, get the hump when parents can't be bothered to spend 10 minutes discussing their child's educational progress, especially since i spend my whole professional life thinking about, and being judged by, that same progress.... I can understand it in parents who have very poor experiences in schools (we used to do parents' evening meetings with Traveller families, for example, in the playground or elsewhere if they were uncomfortable coming into school due to their own traumatic school experiences), or where the parent has SEN or a series of life events which make education low priority. However, a 'no, I'm not interested enough to bother' is something i would silently judge a parent on...

I agree with ZZZZZ

My DD is an adult now. I attended every single parents evening but I can honestly say that for us they served no purpose at all. DD is autistic and seriously academically gifted. Any meaningful discussion about her schooling would have already taken place. 5/10 minutes at parents evening, with other parents pretending not to listen was pointless and inappropriate.

I could get away without attending our next one - have spoken to both teachers anyway in much longer meetings (because of SEN - and since the SENCO teaches the other child we touched on how she was doing anyway) so I've got a fair idea of how they're doing in the new year - or how the teacher thinks they're doing (I don't think she's sussed DD2 out properly yet).

Will still grit teeth and go because it's kind of expected - but yep, it's probably pretty pointless for us since I'm pretty up to date on how they're doing in school atm.

MyCatIsBonkers

That is different. You were already deep in the detail. Obviously the appointment didn't add anything for you. Perhaps your DD got something from it? But either way, not the same as when that few minutes is the only time you get to sit with the people who educate your child and discuss their progress, strengths and weaknesses.

What is the point of schools running parents' evenings when so many people think they can just rock up on another day if they prefer?
Stuff that! Along with talk those people on here who suggest "just" getting two appointments if they don't fancy sharing a classroom with their ex for 10 minutes (dv excepted).

Actually, for children with SEN where communication with parents is daily and meetings with school frequent, I agree that the 'normal' parents' evening doesn't add very much, though it does provide an opportunity to show work in books.

For "that part of the class who are doing well, on track, well supported" then parents' evenings must be badly run / uninformative for them not to be worthwhile - do you not go through your child's workbooks with them, talk in detail about e.g. areas to improve on in English, ways to do even better in Maths etc etc? I can ALWAYS pick up a child's book, however 'well supported' or 'able' or 'on track' and describe to parents what their strengths are but also their areas of relative weakness - don't your children's teachers communicate in the same way?

Perhaps your DD got something from it?

I doubt it. She'd spend the whole stimming, with 'Can we go now? Can we go now? Can we go now?' on repeat.

We have both worked all through our childrens' schooling. We have always attended parent's evening and I think it sends a good signal to the children and teacher about engagement with education. We will start early/leave early if necessary. I think you are pretty unreasonable not to give her a decent reason - you may think it isn't relevant but it sounds like you don't care or can't be bothered.

I find parents evening useful.

If my DC are struggling, I want to know and see how I can help them.

If it's all praise, then my DC get a nice confidence boost.

MyCatIsBonkers

Fair enough

But you went anyway, and I can't fault it!

If I’d not gone to parents Evening i’d literally have no other contact. It was the only time I got to sit down and find out how DD was doing.

I think your problem here is the dead end abruptness.

Had you said “sorry I can’t attend that date but I’ll be in touch to arrange a catch-up meeting” then fine. There was more than one occasion when I couldn’t attend parents Evening but my refusal was tempered by asking if I could see the teacher on another night that week.

Your blunt refusal infers lack of interest rather than lack of availability.

Well... to be honest I don't it is unreasonable for working parents to not be available for parents evening.

We were given our letters today and parents evening is next Tuesday so that is one week's notice. If you work, and are working at the time, it's very short notice to be able to give an employer to get the time off.

Without giving a full reason however, can't judge on whether OP specifically is being unreasonable or not.

Surely part of getting to parents evening is a signal to your child that their education / school is important to you.
Pretty much every parents evening for my Dd has been "she's fine" BUT I get to look at her work and it tells her that I am interested it what she does at school and it is important to me.
The teacher never has had an issue and I'm normally in and out in about 5 minutes, but to Dd is is important that I go, so I make it a priority.

And no, a teacher doesn't need details, but saying "I can't come" without asking for a different day or even an email update with your child's progress if it's too difficult to get to school to see the teacher, suggests you are not interested in your child's education (whether you meant it that way or not).

I wouldn't worry op, things do get in the way sometimes. The teacher will probably offer you another appointment or even a chat on the telephone. Forget it until then, I get you have good reasons and are not uncaring about your child's education.

When Ds's parents appointment clashed with DD's parents night, I asked the teacher for a date that was convenient. He obliged and saw me at pick up one day.

GreenMeerkat
Our letter for booking appointments go out with a week or 2 to go.
The actual evenings are on the school calendar on the website from before the summer, the final newsletter of academic year and again on the first newsletter of the new academic year.
We still get people saying 'but how am I meant to know when you only send the letters out a week before.

On this schools simply cannot win I'm afraid.

I'd say it was very unusual for a parent to miss parents evening. Even more unusual for them to totally avoid saying why and claiming it's irrelevant, when obvs it's very relevant. Weird.

@MaisyPops

We had w/c 15th October on the first newsletter so had a rough idea, but even so it's still difficult without knowing the exact day. Doesn't affect me as I'm on maternity leave anyway (and finish at 3.30pm when working), but I can see how it would be an issue for some parents. Not blaming the school at all, but working parents are not being unreasonable by not being able to attend either.

I think for a lot of people posting it should be fairly obvious that you are an exception (and if OP was one of these exceptions she should just say so in the first place rather than being so vague). If your child has SN and you communicate with the teacher daily, if the teacher is your sister etc of course parents evening might be less important.

For almost everyone else it's useful to see the work your child has been doing at school and spend some time with the person who looks after them for 7 hours a day with.

I'm a teacher and whilst I totally get why some parents can't come I would expect perhaps for you to have suggested that you could come at a different time or oba different day. That's probably why she looked a bit shocked just saying you're not coming rightly or wrongly makes it look like it's not a priority.