not attending parents evening?

[GreenLantern53]

I told my child teacher I wouldnt be able to attend parents evening and she didnt look impressed. aibu not attending?

Dahelle I think we have to offer feedback. If the parent declines to attend then I suppose the deal's off.

OhDear ... I might quote that to SLT!!

Seriously people. Fourteen pages of posts, FOURTEEN pages (which admittedly I haven’t read) discussing this ridiculous topic. OP, you’ve made your decision & communicated same to the teacher. Why do you think this, or her “funny look” in response is worthy of debate? If you have the time to post such a mundane question on here & respond to the various posters, you can surely spare 10 minutes to meet your child’s teacher. Out of common courtesy if nothing else.

Having just finished a 3 hour parents' evening (secondary), I'm grateful if parents who cannot attend let me know. No shows are the worst.
However, on here you sound prickly and evasive; hopefully you didn't when speaking to the teacher, or that might explain her less than enthusiastic response.

Well if I couldn't go I'd make time at pick up or drop off to explain briefly why

Your can't could well be because you're getting your bikini waxed that day, you've got a full day session planned so will be drunk or you have to work or care for someone. Two of those are reasonable and if you'd politely said I can't make it, I'll talk to you about it later or I can't make it I have work etc I'm sure she'd be understanding.

Just abruptly saying you can't go and walking off is going to come across as rude.

We have three a year which seems a lot to me!

I don't know why you you still haven't shared why you can't go, but if you can't then that's it - discuss your child's progress with their teacher if & when you can arrange a mutually agreeable time.

To just say 'no' is going to raise eyebrows with the teacher unless there's some follow up or explanation.

damsel I wasnt expecting anywhere near this many comments so obviously isnt “mundane”

”Parents evening
Parents' evening
Parent's evening

Which one should it be?”

@U2HasTheEdge - it should be Parents’ Evening.

Parents is the plural, adding the apostrophe after the s makes it the evening for all the parents, whereas Parent’s Evening would be an evening for just one parent, and Parents Evening is grammatically incorrect.

Ohdeargod the school I work in makes us chase up any parents who don’t attend and reorganise an additional meeting. Which can be time consuming and frustrating depending on the number of no shows/non attendees.

My childs father is absent so he wont be able to go. obviously if there is 2 of you its easier. Not really the same as I am the only person who can go.

How is it harder for you to go with your child than it is for me and DP to go with our child? We both go, not one goes in place of the other. We are the only people who can go and we both feel it is important we do.

Personally I believe it's one of life's priorities to attend parents evening.
It's your child's education we are talking about.
Many children around the world aren't offered the opportunity to even attend school, let alone have a teacher talk to their parents with experience and expertise about their child.

At all my eldest’s parents Evenings (bar one) at primary school the teachers didn’t have a fucking clue who my kid was (he was the invisible child - the one that does well so he doesn’t get noticed). They were, but that one, pointless. And my ex husband refused to tell me when the high school ones were, although he said they were useful.

How is your child going to feel if you aren’t bothering to go in, speak to their teacher and look at their work? I’d say they will probably feel that school isn’t that important.

Little children love their parents showing an interest in their school. I’m sorry but I really don’t understand your attitude.

If you can’t make the parents evening then you should ask the teacher if she can see you at another time. This will give you the opportunity to discuss and show interest in what your child has been doing at school with your child!!

It’s always important to show an interest in your kids. Your child will feel your lack of interest if you don’t!!!

OP, if this is junior school (have read some but not all the replies 😬) I'm wondering if they've introduced the same system as my DC's junior school did a few years ago, which made parents evening a complete waste of time, although everyone still attended.

It went from an informative but brief chat about how your child was doing academically and socially to this structured, 'child-led' process where the teacher asks the DCs what they were really good at and what they needed to improve on, with target setting at the end. But everyone was clueless after each session as to how their child was actually doing 😂. I heard it was part of a nationwide drive to take pressure off kids at that age, which I'm supportive of, but still would have preferred an actual conversation!

You should still go though, albeit reluctantly, mainly just to show your child that you care about them.

I also wonder if it's because you feel awkward sitting with a big group of parents all waiting for their turn, with many of them chatting in little groups.

This sometimes made me feel a bit awkward when my DCs were young, so I just brought work reading to catch up on (although you could bring anything!).

Your child is reception age and you can't/ wont attend. Bloody hell , you are probably right they'd have contacted you if there was a problem, but they won't have contacted you to tell you the little things like how they teach them to hold a pencil, and read and write letters, these are things you need to know so when they practice at home they aren't getting confused because you are showing them how to do it using a different method.
If you said, no can't make it not coming, I'm not surprised the teacher looked shocked as you are coming across as someone who doesn't give a shit about their child.

I went to my child's reception parents evening last week and thought it would be a waste of time but it was actually very informative.

How is it harder for you to go with your child than it is for me and DP to go with our child? We both go, not one goes in place of the other. We are the only people who can go and we both feel it is important we do.

Im referring to the people who said if they dont go their partner does.

Has nothing to do with me feeling “awkward” ?? I stand with them every day at pick up not sure where you would get that conclusion from. Ive been to my older childrens parents evening (last year) and they were rather pointless. Didnt tell me anything I hadnt already known. From what I remember no one was sat in big groups waiting their turns but then I think I had the latest slots anyway.

Thank you STD

YABU. Get yourself to School and take an interest in your child's education.

@GreenLantern53 - can you tell us, please, why you aren't going to the Parents' Evening - in general terms.

Do you have a previous appointment or vital medical appointment/interview? Some prior arrangement that cannot be changed? If any of these are the case, there is no reason why you couldn't say that to your child's teacher, without going into any detail, and I am sure she would have been willing to organise to speak to you another time.

Or is there some practical difficulty - childcare for your dd, perhaps? If so, rest assured you will not be the first parent who has that problem, and the teacher will be able to suggest a solution - perhaps your child could sit in the Reading Corner with a book whilst you and the teacher talk. Or maybe they will be accustomed to having the children there.

As I have said before, I can't think of any valid reason for missing Parents' Evening that couldn't be mentioned in general terms. Just saying you can't go, and not giving a reason, gives the impression that you don't care enough to go - both on here and to the teacher - and I am sure you don't want to do that.

I always go to DS 2smeetings because he Isdoing so well in school. It's lovely to hear praised of what a kind funny boy he is.. with DS1 being SEN he has lots of behavioral challenges and that means all I hear from school is negativity so, even if it's worded kindly. So I love hearing good news as does ds2 when I come home and. Tell him how well he is doing!
I think it's rude not to go. These people spend so much time with your kids do you not feel it's relevant how they get on with them etc. I know some cases it's unavoidable, but pretty sure most people can arrange for when it suits the teacher and parent

I've never been to a worthwhile parents' evening - in Year 6 now. 10min slot, they whiz through info. Their agenda items and mine differ and it's not nearly enough time to be thorough, so it's been fairly pointless.
Alas....still signed up. More fool me. I could write my comment on a note and go this year. I'm literally just going to show my face, waste of my time & enable the myth of school-parent relationship which I dont think exists at our school. Ah well :/

@OP i dont think you need to give a reason. If you cant go, you cant go. The reason is irrelevant in my opinion, because the outcome is the same.

Personally parents night for me always goes the same. Brief chat with teacher to say DD is doing great. Sometimes does seem pointless as it’s not all that informative but I always go because it’s a great way to find out how you can help improve any problem areas at home or even continue the current school work in a more relaxed and fun way and get involved in it.
Also think it’s a good insentive for kids to work hard as they know you’ll find out and can be rewarded for doing well in whatever area they are best at.
It’s not a long appointment, if I really couldn’t go I’d try to catch teacher after school or even phone in for a summary of how she was doing.

FFS, you're given two dates (usually)

I wish! We were never given two dates. One date only with approx one weeks notice each time. As the years went on we got wise as to when they would roughly be but each parent evening was always a one off and with very little notice.