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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more than a salad for £40?

251 replies

permanentlyexhaustedpigeon · 09/10/2018 17:02

A group of friends are organising a a night out at a restaurant. We don't often get the chance to get together and it will be lovely to see them.
DH and I are vegetarian and friends know this - they made a point of making sure they booked somewhere with a non-meat option, which was good of them. They're very keen that we attend.

Except... it's a steakhouse! An upmarket one, but definitely a steakhouse. The "non-meat" options are a green side salad and a side order of chips; other than that it's big slabs of red meat all the way. I don't have any issue with what other people eat, but being something of a greedy beggar I suspect a side salad and some fries might leave me a bit peckish.

What's worse is that friends are now suggesting we split the bill equally. I know our "picky" eating is probably irritating to them, but AIBU to think this is very U particularly in a major city with more than one restaurant to choose from?

Would it be better to gently but firmly say we'd love to see them but can't eat anything on the menu so it's a no from us (and offer to organise the next night out); or to acknowledge their effort in finding somewhere with a (admittedly limited) veggie option and attend, knowing we'll be ravenous afterwards?

OP posts:
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 09/10/2018 18:00

I've never been to a steakhouse (or similarly oriented place) which didn't have a decent salad bar, potato wedges with sour cream, onion rings etc - enough to make a sort-of meal of. If there is really opnly green salad and chips, that's pretty poor and you'd be within your rights to decline - perhaps your friends are assuming there will be more for you.

DarlingNikita · 09/10/2018 18:03

I find it surprising that a restaurant, even a steakhouse, doesn't have a decent veggie menu. Some of them now offer vegan dishes, never mind 'mere' veggie.

But I wouldn't go. Eating only salad/chips/bread is going to be miserable, and then to suggest an even split of the bill…???

Do these friends have form in this arena?

Havaina · 09/10/2018 18:04

Can you PM us the name of th restaurant if you're afraid of being outed? Grin

seven201 · 09/10/2018 18:04

I've never been to a steakhouse without at least one proper veggie option. They probably don't realise there's only chips and salad for you.

If you do go make sure you say before you go that you definitely won't be splitting the bill.

Xiaoxiong · 09/10/2018 18:10

I was at a steakhouse just the other day that literally had only steak, salad and chips on the menu. Then cheese and puddings. Le Relais De Venise. With wine it was over £40 a head.

Bloomcounty · 09/10/2018 18:10

If it's a steakhouse, could the chips be fried in beef dripping rather than oil? I'd say there may well be a chance of that...in which case, chips are off the menu for you, too.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 09/10/2018 18:13

Far from making efforts to accommodate you, I don’t think they are bothered about you going. So don’t.

sonjadog · 09/10/2018 18:15

I would say no thanks to the meal but offer to meet them later for a drink.

Rudgie47 · 09/10/2018 18:21

Just meet them for a drink either before or afterwards.
Or decline.
I've had this and once the only things I could have were the breadbasket and chips! and it was £10.00!

MakeAHouseAHome · 09/10/2018 18:24

I am interested to see this menu where the ONLY vegetarian option is a side salad....

codswallopandbalderdash · 09/10/2018 18:25

I've given up going on meals when there isn't a veggie choice, mainly because I resent splitting the bill when the veggie option is clearly much cheaper than the steak / mussels / salmon whatever. Now i say I would love to join people but will go for the pudding course and coffee (usually there's a good cheeseboard) and just pay for my own. I eat at home first but save room for the pudding

2BorNot2Bvocal · 09/10/2018 18:25

YANBU. Meat eater here and I wouldn't suggest you split the bill in a steakhouse. When there are vegetarians in the group we would go Italian or Thai or anywhere with a decent varied menu.

Littletabbyocelot · 09/10/2018 18:26

It would be hard to find somewhere with less vegetarian options.

Am pescatarian now but was veggie for years. Personally I'd never go to a restaurant where I had to create a meal from random components not including a protein and of mixed temperatures.

MakeAHouseAHome · 09/10/2018 18:26

Oh regardless though I never split bills equally in restaurants. Meat/veggie point aside some people choose cheap dishes and some people choose expensive. I refuse to subsidise peoples expensive choices if I go for cheaper ones for budget reasons. Same point on not everyone having three courses/some people drinking and some not.

Havaina · 09/10/2018 18:28

I resent splitting the bill when the veggie option is clearly much cheaper than the steak / mussels / salmon whatever.

Don't split the bill. Take a £20, a £10, a £5 note and £1s and pay your share in cash. Give your tip AFTER everyone has paid the bill. Sorted.

Imagine the millions needlessly paid by people to their CF friends and family by splitting the bill!

Jeezoh · 09/10/2018 18:30

Tell them that there’s no veggie mains so you’ll have to meet them for drinks afterwards or book elsewhere. True friends would take the second option.

ItWentInMyEye · 09/10/2018 18:30

I'm a veggie and wouldn't go. Not because it's in a steakhouse, but because the vegetarian offering isn't even a meal. By all means phone the restaurant and ask if they can do something else for you on the night, but don't split the bill equally. They sound like thoughtless friends to be honest.

EdWinchester · 09/10/2018 18:31

I can’t believe a restaurant would only have a green salad a the veggie option. That’s rubbish!

Doesn’t sound very upmarket to me.

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/10/2018 18:36

YANBU but I’m surprised the restaurant don’t offer at least a couple of decent vegetarian mains, even in a Steakhouse.

ShalomJackie · 09/10/2018 18:37

Even Gauchos has vegetarian options Hmm

mostdays · 09/10/2018 18:38

I'd go along (as a vegetarian myself, if they have bread and chips and salad and alcohol I can generally have a fine time) but not split the bill. I'd just send a breezy reply along the lines of "ha ha are you mad, splitting bills is a recipe for disaster! Looking forward to seeing you".

BanginChoons · 09/10/2018 18:43

I wouldn't be going. Surely a big part of the enjoyment of going out for a meal is picking something delicious or at least enjoyable to eat?

I'm vegetarian and practically the only thing I don't like is goats cheese, which also seems to be the most common ingredient in dishes served as the only vegetarian option. When i go for a meal with friends we go for Indian or Thai or Italian. That way there are multiple choices for both meat eaters and vegetarians.

notangelinajolie · 09/10/2018 18:44

Have you contacted the restaurant and asked? An upmarket restaurant should be able to rustle something up with little or no notice. Don't just assume the menu is all they have to offer.

Graphista · 09/10/2018 18:44

They are NOT friends. I've been veggie 30 years and nobody who is a true friend or even has a modicum of manners has ever suggested a sodding steakhouse! Nor expected me to pay for THEIR food!

The majority of other restaurants/cafes provide much more choice for veggies! I'd lay odds that they KNOW this - they've chosen this place in order to put you off going.

You sound so subservient to them too! Why?

How do you know these people?

"Don’t be petty about the money" why do I get the feeling that you're EXACTLY the type of person that thinks it's perfectly acceptable for someone less well off than you to sub YOUR excessive food and drink choices on a night out? Ie spending someone else's money? It's not petty at all! Why should op subsidise these selfish thoughtless people?

It's rarer now but there absolutely ARE places still that don't offer veggie options - there's one near me who don't even offer salad! Also rude and inflexible staff, no idea how they're still in business! But also certainly plenty that still only offer ONE veggie main which isn't really my idea of "choice" so ALL those claiming op "must be wrong" might want to think again and listen to the actual veggies posting - most of us been dealing with this shit for years!

BUT

"in a major city nowadays it is almost more trouble to find somewhere that doesn't have decent veggie/vegan options than somewhere that does." Is also true

Have you pissed em off somehow op? Or is this a disapproving in-law organising?

"OP they're taking the piss and sadly, I think probably trying to make a point" yep I think so too! A knobhead friend/colleague of ex's who was the one who organised most of the work meals out used to try and pull this shit, ex (a total wuss usually) finally pulled him up on it! I wasn't even the only veggie! There were 2 colleagues who were also veggie why they didn't speak up I'll never know! But the 2 colleagues happy to jump on once ex raised it. This knobhead then made it clear he had an "issue" with people being veggie. Why I don't know! We didn't bang on about it and it wasn't affecting his life!

This sounds like an insidious form of bullying to be frank.

crosstalk · 09/10/2018 18:51

OP you answered your own question. Just say no and offer to organise the next night out. I cannot believe in a major city they couldn't find something more suitable for everyone.

As for subbing a meal for the carnivores, no. I do find this "we'll split it" stuff awkward - after being poverty stricken, drinking water and having a plate of salad - and being faced with an £80 bill at a friend's birthday with a lot of topers ordering fine wines. Most restaurants will split bills if they know ahead of time though it's a lot more work for them. You just have to let your friends and the restaurant know.