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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more than a salad for £40?

251 replies

permanentlyexhaustedpigeon · 09/10/2018 17:02

A group of friends are organising a a night out at a restaurant. We don't often get the chance to get together and it will be lovely to see them.
DH and I are vegetarian and friends know this - they made a point of making sure they booked somewhere with a non-meat option, which was good of them. They're very keen that we attend.

Except... it's a steakhouse! An upmarket one, but definitely a steakhouse. The "non-meat" options are a green side salad and a side order of chips; other than that it's big slabs of red meat all the way. I don't have any issue with what other people eat, but being something of a greedy beggar I suspect a side salad and some fries might leave me a bit peckish.

What's worse is that friends are now suggesting we split the bill equally. I know our "picky" eating is probably irritating to them, but AIBU to think this is very U particularly in a major city with more than one restaurant to choose from?

Would it be better to gently but firmly say we'd love to see them but can't eat anything on the menu so it's a no from us (and offer to organise the next night out); or to acknowledge their effort in finding somewhere with a (admittedly limited) veggie option and attend, knowing we'll be ravenous afterwards?

OP posts:
SquirreledIn · 09/10/2018 17:17

Unless you get a whole allotment for the money YANBU. There are a lot of steakhouses with reasonable vegetarian options or at least lots of delicious vegetable sides. They should have chosen one of those if they wanted steak or gone to another style of restaurant.

irregularegular · 09/10/2018 17:17

Do you want to go? Obviously food wise it is far from ideal (and not very considerate) but if you like the company you can still have a good evening. You're unlikely to actually go hungry. You can always have more chips! (Or other side veg or bread or pudding). Eat before you go if you are really worried.

In fact, maybe that is your solution? A cheery reply that you'd love to see them all, but you'll just have a few chips as you'll be eating before you get there. And so you assume that splitting the bill wont apply to you, but obviously you will pay for whatever you eat/drink (if you are a drinker and others are not you may spend as much anyway).

And yes, offer to organize something that will suit a wider range of tastes next time. Probably not a pure veggie restaurant unless you know a particularly good one that everyone will enjoy. Don't play tit for tat.

On the other hand, if you really don't want to go, then don't!

Lila99 · 09/10/2018 17:18

I wouldn’t split it - I’m pregnant therefore not drinking and I hate seafood. Recently at a meal I ended up paying £70 for a chicken main and 2 colas, everyone else was eating lobster and drinking wine and I’m still annoyed with myself for not speaking up. I could suffer £10 or so but mine should have been £32

Sparklewater · 09/10/2018 17:18

Is it a Porters or similar? Had similar experience myself but a work meal so had to suck it up. Was v hungry.

I was convinced that I could talk to them and they'd sort me something else out but there really wasn't anything else they could do. It was crap.

CottonSock · 09/10/2018 17:18

I'd ring the place and see what they can offer.

JodieWhittakersBraces · 09/10/2018 17:18

I would say no and give the reason e.g. the only option for me is salad and chips, I don't think that's enough for £40. Maybe I can meet you guys after the meal for drinks?

KC225 · 09/10/2018 17:18

They could easily book at restaurant that serves steak as opposed to a Steak House. Either they have a very warped sense of humour or your presence is not very important to them. I would refuse to go.

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2018 17:18

DH and I are vegetarian and friends know this - they made a point of making sure they booked somewhere with a non-meat option, which was good of them.

Except they haven't, have they?

It's weird that you think they have Confused

HenryInTheTunnel · 09/10/2018 17:19

Yanbu. I don't actually agree that they have tried hard to accommodate you. Just about anywhere has veggie options surely??

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/10/2018 17:20

Another one who is amazed there is no Vegetarian options even if it is a steakhouse, all the steakhouses I have ever been too have options for Veggies, you're hardly an uncommon breed.

I would ring and double check with the restaurant directly, if there are no options then decline the invite. If there are Veggie meals then go and enjoy but beforehand state categorically you will be paying for your own.

DittoNut · 09/10/2018 17:21

I think I would decline. I literally have no dietary requirements and can enjoy a meal just about anywhere - why anyone would choose somewhere that so obviously excludes a friend they want to celebrate with is beyond me.

Its not as though you have multiple allergies/intolerances that are difficult to cater for - plenty of places offer a good vegetarian choice now, blatantly obvious that a steakhouse would be limiting!

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2018 17:21

Yes actually thinking about it now, I agree it's probably a mistake and that there will be veggie options surely.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/10/2018 17:22

they made a point of making sure they booked somewhere with a non-meat option

Er... no. They couldn't have made LESS of an effort and I think you'd be entitled to call them out on it, let alone the splitting the bill rubbish.

Just say: "Sorry, there are no suitable options for us and I'm not keen on paying £40 for a salad so we'll stay home thanks, unless you want to go somewhere else?"

Inertia · 09/10/2018 17:22

I'd ring the restaurant in advance to see whether they can do a veggie option for you with sufficient notice.

I'd then use that as an excuse to not get involved in bill splitting, and ask for your own food and drinks bill at the outset as you're the ones going off-menu (don't wait until the end!)

pigsDOfly · 09/10/2018 17:22

How can a side salad and a few chips, possibly chips cooked in animal fat, be classed as a meat free option. That would mean most places would have a meat free option.

Surely if they're considering your needs they'd book somewhere that actually has vegetarian options on the menu.

Do no agree to splitting the bill. Very nice for them not so good for you and your DH.

I think they're being unfair and a bit cheeky tbh.

EvaHarknessRose · 09/10/2018 17:23

Go big on wine and pudding. Bribe the waiter to feed you extra bread, maybe they will have halloumi of something. Don’t be petty about the money if you want to see them, just organise a veggie place next time. But only go if you can go with good grace, otherwise decline.

eddielizzard · 09/10/2018 17:26

Bloody inconsiderate. And cheap. I'd suggest a different restaurant. Otherwise tell them you'll meet them for a drink beforehand.

Chrisinthemorning · 09/10/2018 17:26

Can you link to the menu with dietary requirements and we’ll help. Love reading menus Blush
I have lots of vegetarian/ pescatarian friends and would run the restaurant choice by them before booking.
Only exception being a large group. Sometimes I have to organise big group dinners so can’t please everyone. However a restaurant at £40 per head will have a chef good enough to make you a decent vegetarian meal- particularly with advance notice.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2018 17:27

No veggie option at all? Really?

TeddyIsaHe · 09/10/2018 17:29

There will absolutely be something other than fish and salad on the menu for people who don’t eat meat. The vegetarian/vegan industry is huge now, even steakhouses aren’t stupid enough to not offer something to a growing market when restaurants are struggling to cover overheads. Double check the menu.

MadameButterface · 09/10/2018 17:31

in a major city nowadays it is almost more trouble to find somewhere that doesn't have decent veggie/vegan options than somewhere that does. you say they are keen that you attend but their actions suggest otherwise. it's up to you what you do but no way would I split the bill equally. is it just me or is it weird that they've even said this upfront? who even does that? bizarre.

VerbeenaBeeks · 09/10/2018 17:31

YANBU at all, a steakhouse is a really crap choice of restaurant if you're veggie!
There's hardly anything you can eat. Is it one of those show your card if you want more meat bringing type restaurants?
If so you'll be left with salad and that's about it!

PaulDacrreRimsGeese · 09/10/2018 17:32

Why not just tell them there's nothing you can eat? They're keen you attend and they've apparently checked, they might genuinely just be daft enough to think a side salad count as a veggie option. If that were me, I'd be willing to change a booking to somewhere that actually had a vegetarian main course on offer. It's not like that's unusual for steakhouses either. I mean, I've been to a literal meatfest restaurant that still offers more for veggies than the place they booked!

AamdC · 09/10/2018 17:33

Im.not really surpeised that there is no veggie option at a steak house because well its a steak houseHmm i do think its rude though there are a couple of vegetarians in my group of friends we always book somewhere that caters for everyone properly

Whatsthisbear · 09/10/2018 17:33

Would it be better to gently but firmly say we'd love to see them but can't eat anything on the menu so it's a no from us (and offer to organise the next night out);

^ this. Especially as they are so keen to split the bill.