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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect to split the bill?

141 replies

killingtime9198 · 09/10/2018 14:00

I'm getting married in a few weeks and, as my mother and MIL to be aren't invited to my hen (they wouldn't want to come even if they were as I think it will be quite heavy on the booze and not local to them!) I thought it would be nice to have a lunch with them and my SIL to be as a sort of unofficial family hen. I haven't called it that or anything, I just invited them to meet for lunch this weekend on a 'wouldn't it be nice to get together just us girls before the wedding' sort of basis.

My question is, who does the MN jury think should pay in this scenario? My initial thought was that I invited them, therefore I should pay. However, things are a lot tighter than I thought they would be in the run up to the wedding (as I'm sure is always the way....) so it would be amazing if we split the bill. Do people think that, if that were offered, it would be okay for me to accept?

The other reason I ask is to try to avoid the awkward who pays the bill dance when it comes....

OP posts:
Howdoyoudoit31 · 09/10/2018 14:01

I would say you as you invited them all to meet up before the wedding...

NonaGrey · 09/10/2018 14:02

In that situation my Mum and my MIL would politely fight to the death to pay the bill. Grin

TeamSpirit · 09/10/2018 14:02

You should pay

Ballbags · 09/10/2018 14:04

I presume you're not paying for everyone on the hen do, so I don't see why you should pay for all of the lunch?

PikaPikaTink · 09/10/2018 14:05

Only on mumsnet does suggesting going out for dinner mean you have to pay for everyone. If it's a hen do type thing they might well offer to pay for you.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 09/10/2018 14:05

Yes, it would be fine for you to accept if they offer - and I'm sure they will.

I did exactly the same (and it was lovely), and with a couple of friends thrown in. I was expecting to pay for them but they were having none of it and between them they paid for me. Not quite sure who paid for whom as they sorted it between themselves.

Have a lovely time OP Smile

Knittedfairies · 09/10/2018 14:06

I think you should st least offer to pay.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/10/2018 14:06

If I went to a family type hen I would expect everyone to pay for themselves. Especially if it's local to them and you're making the effort to go there. To avoid doubt when you book I'd try and book somewhere reasonably priced and say something like 'it will be around x per person, hope that's ok'.
If money is really too tight snd you want to treat them I'd maybe do afternoon tea at yours instead, and make a cake and buy a few things and some prosecco or something - would still be a nice gesture

Original poster
killingtime9198 · 09/10/2018 14:16

Thanks for the replies! I think it sounds like the best thing to do is offer to pay, and if they resist I can offer to split the bill - very happy to pay my way, it would just be v helpful financially to not cover all four of us!

Going to look at the menu now and start deciding what to eat! :)

OP posts:
Mandarine · 09/10/2018 14:19

Yes OP - you invited them, your idea, so you should definitely expect and be prepared to pay. Otherwise, ask them to your home if money is a worry. However, they will no doubt offer to at least pay for themselves, I would have thought.

CreativeMumma · 09/10/2018 14:42

i wouldn't expect to pay for everyone, why not send them the menu link saying it should cost around £xx per person, and check everyone is happy with it? most ppl know weddings are a expensive time.

Joinourclub · 09/10/2018 14:50

I think the idea of “you invited = you pay” a bit bonkers,and something I’ve never encountered in real life! Surely the bill will arrive and everyone will just get their purses out?

Original poster
killingtime9198 · 09/10/2018 14:58

@Joinourclub - I think they will, but then you have to do the awkward English 'No, I'm getting this'/'no no, I'M getting this' dance!

OP posts:
tenbob · 09/10/2018 15:08

If MIL and DM start both trying to pay, then you just say 'ok, why don't we just split it 3 ways then'

Celebelly · 09/10/2018 15:13

I would expect to pay unless someone specifically said 'my treat'. If someone just said 'Do you fancy going for lunch next week?' or 'Shall we go out for lunch to celebrate something?' then I'd definitely assume I was paying for my own food!

Chickychoccyegg · 09/10/2018 15:18

split the bill, why wouldn't you? you invited so you pay is absolute nonsense and does not happen in real life, well not with anyone i know 🤣 , I would be surprised if your family would sit there expecting you to pay x

Butterflycookie · 09/10/2018 15:21

I think you should pay. Only because they are not going on the hen do and they were not invited. Even though, you’ve said they wouldn’t go they might still feel left out. You are marrying in to their family so I think it’s important to have good relations with them.

Puggles123 · 09/10/2018 15:26

I don’t think it’s the norm to pay if you invite people out to dinner- everyone should expect to pay for themselves, surely? And probably offer to pay for you too!

Original poster
killingtime9198 · 09/10/2018 15:31

Interesting how split opinions are on this one.....I'll report back!

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/10/2018 15:55

If I had to pay for the entire table every time I suggested lunch or dinner out, then my social life would grind to a halt.

They should absolutely offer to split the bill, and not expect you to pay.

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 09/10/2018 15:58

I think it's normal to split the bill when you go out for dinner.

ileclerc · 09/10/2018 15:59

My mil would go and secretly pay the bill, then fight with my mum over it.

Mitzimaybe · 09/10/2018 16:02

I would expect to split the bill or even for them to pay for you. I would not expect you to have to pay for them.

RB68 · 09/10/2018 16:03

I would be open with them and say I am happy to pay for the drink and if we can split the food if thats OK I don't think that is being unreasonable

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 09/10/2018 16:03

I would expect to split the bill. The idea that you pay just because you invited them is something I’ve only ever come across on MN and think it’s bizarre!

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