AIBU to expect to split the bill?

[killingtime9198]

I'm getting married in a few weeks and, as my mother and MIL to be aren't invited to my hen (they wouldn't want to come even if they were as I think it will be quite heavy on the booze and not local to them!) I thought it would be nice to have a lunch with them and my SIL to be as a sort of unofficial family hen. I haven't called it that or anything, I just invited them to meet for lunch this weekend on a 'wouldn't it be nice to get together just us girls before the wedding' sort of basis.

My question is, who does the MN jury think should pay in this scenario? My initial thought was that I invited them, therefore I should pay. However, things are a lot tighter than I thought they would be in the run up to the wedding (as I'm sure is always the way....) so it would be amazing if we split the bill. Do people think that, if that were offered, it would be okay for me to accept?

The other reason I ask is to try to avoid the awkward who pays the bill dance when it comes....

Unless you’ve said that ‘you’d like to buy them lunch’ or ‘you’d like to take them out for lunch’ or similar then then as a guest I would not be expecting you to pay - i’d expect an equal split

Yes also when DH turned 40 I wanted to invite more people than I could entertain at our then home, plus we had building works going on. Lots of people had young kids too and it’s hard to get out in the evenings. So I got a room above a pub on Putney (free for the afternoon if you spent x amount on food if I remember) and I think the buffet was something like £6 per head, plus free kids food. I got the most enormous chocolate cake and obviously paid for the bar. So not cheap, but nowhere near as much as taking a massive group out to dinner and probably similar to hosting at home tbh. Loads of people do this kind of thing because it makes it easier for guests if they can just show up, with or without kids, have some food and fizz and chill with friends. I got loads of various kids craft sets for all ages and laid them out on a big table to keep the kids occupied which is half the battle.

@BlaaBlaaBlaa you aren't going to win this one, these people are fucking nuts.

obviously paid for the bar 🙄

The rest is pretty standard if you're throwing a party.

Anyway, as fun as this has been I have a lecture on cultural and social capital to write .....this thread has provided me with an excellent example!

@back haha most definitely! Madness!

'I wondered whether you might fancy a meal out on x date...' means that you anticipate that the bill would be split. 'You are invited to my birthday meal on x date at y location' means that you will be footing the bill.

Offer to pay but faux graciously accept if they insist

I don’t think I am nuts at all, at least not in this subject. I don’t know about cultural capital or your agenda, but our friends range from politicians to gardeners, actors to finance types, SAHMs to whatever - a lot of British Indians, Iranians, other ME people, Europeans and basically allsorts living all over London aged 35-55 in the main and this is totally normal without exception.

just don't think it's as common as people on MN make out

I don’t think I have made out it’s common, just that it’s common for the people I know. But I’ve had been taken out by people from all backgrounds and cultures so it’s by no means confined to any particular social circle. I’d say other cultures are specifically generous in that way.

Mandarine which pub? I think we might be neighbours

I think the onus is on you but like @NonaGrey my mum and future MIL would have a bareknuckes fight to pay. It would probably end up with them slipping 20s around each other's houses for months until the next event

“Made in Chelsea” Mandarine, in our circles, Birthday celebratee often has their birthday meal covered by the other guests as a celebration. Just accept there’s no hard rule. You pay, I pay, others pay all depends on the social group’s dynamic.

Not in Putney anymore Tatiana, but not far away! Maybe we are neighbours? It’s that huge restaurant / bar that has rooms above (or used to) near the Thai restaurant (Thai Square) by the bridge / river. I think it may if changed hands since? Even the school used to do events in it.

Ok NewPapa, I do accept what you’re saying, but it really has nothing to do with money. It’s choices and how easy you want to make it for other people to come along and join you. The point of an invite is that you have actually something to offer. However, I hear you and accept that some people are all very communal about parties. I do think asking people to pay to go abroad for their 40th is ridiculous, though and there is no need.

@manderine nobody is demanding we go away for a 40th. It's a trip a group of us really want to make. The birthday is an excuse. We don't need to but we really want to! A weekend away with best friends ....what's not to like?

But we do go away together at least a couple of times a year so I guess it doesn't seem an unusual request

I've never heard of this 'you have to pay because you invited people for a meal' nonsense before. I would never expect anyone to pay for me in any scenario! Except a wedding...

Star and Garter