DH’s children changing schools, extra school fees

[Vanessatiger]

DH’s ex informed us (not asking) that his two sons will be changing schools to closer to their house (they moved 20min from current school). They will be starting next term, all paperwork is done apparently.

It is £10,000 extra per child plus school uniforms, extra curricular activities etc

Not that we can’t afford it, but they chose to move, there’s nothing wrong with current school (also fee- paying), but the other one is more expensive and “posher”.
The children are teens so can easily take the bus to school.

We are just annoyed that she makes unilateral decisions and just presents the bill - “ here you go, pay upfront for the next term”. Fyi, on top of the school fees, we also pay £1500 per child per month. Plus a generous clean cut asset division. Plus any holiday they should have.

We can afford it so not bemoaning it but it seems they have no respect for us, no discussion, nothing. Apparently if we don’t pay, we aren’t thinking of what’s best for them.

So should we dispute the extra £20,000 or just suck it up and pay?

People are asking you questions because they are pertinent to the question you posted! For example, what does their divorce agreement say about who pays for schooling? I suspect t you don’t answer these questions because you know the answers would automatically make you seem unreasonable. But you have made yourself look even more unreasonable by the way you’ve talked about your step kids. Poor poor kids.

You are safeguarding your two kids by not having the eldest. I do feel sorry for the eldest still. He sounds very unhappy.

Feminists are always supposed to take the woman's side (in this case, the mother's not the stepmum). But I've noticed reality and in reality some women are just arsebuckets.

She sounds like she's mad that half of her paycheck is going to dry up in less than a years time, and the rest of it will be gone three years later. Moving a kid right before graduation is NOT what reasonable people do, only if there are severe issues the kid is having with his peers/teacher/the police. Is the older kid having severe issues?

So it's £50,000 extra over the next four years, merely to give kid 15 extra minutes of sleep in the morning? I'd tell him to go to bed earlier. And tell mom to fuck herself. Politely of course. It's not the money it's the principle of the thing. The sons will love their dad and always want a relationship with their dad no matter what, unless he's a total arsebucket. So saying no to wankerwoman won't impact that relationship, even if she tries to insinuate otherwise.

Independent schools generally ask all fee payers to sign the admissions forms. Your DH should have been in contact with the school from Day 1.

Your H will pay because he’s not invested enough to do anything else. And if he’s leaving them less in his will, this extra financial contribution will be him paying up front.

Actually, I think your bitterness has a lot less to do with your H’s first family and a lot to with your dissatisfaction with your H’s treatment of his second. Venting about his Ex is your way of vocalising shit much closer to home and avoiding doing anything about it.

Your H’s Ex could be an awful parent but your H comes a close second.

.

She treats the children as little kids. It’s not loving and caring, it’s making them dependent on her

And how much parenting is their father doing? Being abroad is no excuse for not parenting.

'My husband wouldn’t take a lower paid job duh.. or whatever to put his son first. That’s not him.'

Explains a lot.

DH as a high flying executive simply wouldn’t deal with his malicious behaviour.

Your DH is a shocking excuse for a parent and whatever the truth of the mother's behaviour you and your DH are in no position to judge anyone. Your only aim is to slag off your H's children and their mother. People have asked you lots of pertinent questions and you have completely ignored them.

So dh doesnt consent then.
As you live in a different country to the children i assume their dm has a better idea of what their needs are then you.

I see that OP has decided to turn this into a 'you're all bitches' thread, and flounce.

But on the original issue:

A difference of £3k a term is huge, so I am not surprised the additional bill has taken you by surprise. Either the first school was very unusually cheap (which may or may not be an indicator of the standard of the school), or the second school offers significant specialist provision Or they are each losing a hefty scholarship (unlikely)

I would be fuming about the extra bill, but I'm not rich like the families in this thread.

As they are rich, I think he should pay. Partly because he seems to prefer the extravagant gesture (such as flying to UK for the weekend, when it sees they DC weren't free) rather than the inconvenient one of waking in the middle of the night so he can talk to his DC at a time that suits them.

Oh dear I have just seen in her past posts that this lady’s husband has hit her before.

This seems a really unhappy set up - for all the adults and all the children. At the centre is a selfish, violent, entitled man.

Perhaps the violence explains why the ex wife has limited access to boys.

oP I know you have got a rough time on this board - but I also think you are very unhappy and taking that out on the boys.

I hope you can find some way to leave your husband and create a safer environment for your young children

Dollymixture. Yes. It's a shame but she still seems to think her husband's ex is a massive bitch while there's ample evidence to suggest her husband is a massive abusive twat. Despite disclosing all this, she doesn't seem to appreciate why the ex left her husband and gave him limited access to the kids.
Her husband isn't invested in his children emotionally so why shouldn't ex make all the decisions in regards to what is best for the children?
I hope the OP leaves too

She has flounced!

It's like Jackanory.

Looking back at some of her other threads, she flounces a lot.
Sounds like a toxic situation for all the kids.

Ahhhhh vanessatiger

Another day, another post about your awful husband/ badly behaved step kids

I’m late to the party on this one but...

Yes I’d be cross at the extra fees.
I’d more cross at the life choices I made which meant I’d ended up with your husband.

Seriously look at your posting history, he might be wealthy but he is awful.
No wonder the exwife filed in Australia. maybe you should give her a ring and get some tips