AIBU to wonder why people always do this on MN?

[SquirreledIn]

I'm talking about people who always suggest the opposite of what the OP asked for?

Example: Can anyone please suggest some old fashioned names for our baby girl? We don't want her to have a name beginning with B but any other letter is fine.
Other user. Bethany? Bella? Bailey?

Or someone asks what they should order from the Chinese. There's always someone who says make a salad. It's much healthier.

It happens with holidays too, in fact almost every topic. Someone will ask for restaurant suggestions in Tenerife and some bright spark will say. I don't know. I've never been. I wouldn't touch the place with a barge pole. I only ever go to a lovely little gite in Provence.

Why do they do this? Do they really think that they're being helpful or are they just trying to be unpleasant? I'm leaning towards the latter most of the time. Ok, perhaps in the first example they just didn't read the OP correctly but I so often see posts similar to the other examples and it's frustrating.

There was one the other day in chat about Blackpool , Op had booked a few days there and wantrd. Some suggestions about what to do there cue lots of oh so hilarious replys about turning around and driving away bearing in mind the trip was already booked fwiw i live about 40 miles from Blackpool we go for an afternoon there quite often it is what it is and has pleanty to do there it might have some dodgy areas but no more so rhan other seaside towns .

Anothet one that annoys me isthe endless snobbery about places like Butlins Op will start a thread about mayne having a holiday there cue lots of replys oh i have never been there but i would hate a holiday like that or i havent beem to Butlins since 1975 but i remembet it being a bit shabby etc first of allif you havent been why comment op wasent asking opinions peoples choices of holiday destinations secondly Butlins has changed massively since the 70,s so again why comment !

See also Center Parcs. ‘Any tips for Center Parcs with a family of 4, were booked in for half term.’ Half the replies are the inevitable jokes about anal sex and the other half say something along the lines of ‘Don’t bother going’ or ‘Overpriced and overrated. HTH.’

Posters who use that passive aggressive 'HTH' should be boiled in oil, it's not clever, it's not helpful, it just shows you up for the dick that you are.

There’s one going about a vegetarian not having any options on a steakhouse menu and so many people have put “there MUST be options, check again”.

WHY WOULD SHE HAVE STARTED THE THREAD IF SHE HADN’T CHECKED????

Sorry for shouting but it drives me fucking crazy.

This got me too😁

Also apparently there isnt a restaurant in the country that doesnt have an extensive vegetarian menu!

The ones that get me are the
"I only have £5 till end of week to feed me and kids. Suggestuons for simple meals to eek it out with store cupboard stuff?"
Replies
"Do a big online shop at asda for lots of pasta and fresh couscous and veg and lentils that will last you a month."

"Go to waitrose thier duck a la orange is on offer for £5 this week"

"How can you only have £5? What are you wasting your money on? Drinking, smoking, going out? Put your kids first you selfish woman. I never have less than £100 left at the end of the week. You are obviously shit at budgeting. Nobody is that hard up."

I think there should be a 'bamging your head against a brick wall emoji'
And a 'Gibbs slap' one.

Go to waitrose thier duck a la orange is on offer for £5 this week

That made me lol. This is a great thread. I think it's quite like real life though isn't it - people talk like this in real life, a bit unengaged and not really able to empathise. I do like the ones where the poster has literally nothing to add, but posts anyway.

Or why dont you have savings for times like this op mumsnet is very diverse but some people seriously have no idea how hard it is to save when you little money anyway i remember one poster saying if you saved a couple of quid a week. You coyld easily build up a nest egg thing is if your skint its hard to save a couple of quid without constantly needing it for milk, bread whatever

Another factor (perhaps the most significant) is that this is a community of human beings engaged in conversations, not a bunch of robots exchanging factual data. Conversations involve discussion, exploration, tangents - in other words, lots of fuzziness. If you join a group of people who have been having a conversation, the first thing you'll want to know is the background and are likely to want to cover ground the others may have already covered - just to orient yourself in the process.

To take the example above: I'm going to get either a border collie or german shepherd. Fellow owners please tell me pros and cons. You say that, but I do not know the background. I do not know if you have thought about other possibilities. Maybe, maybe not. I do not know what process brought you to that conclusion. You may have had a thorough conversation with yourself and others about it, but as I have not been party to that I naturally want it in order to orient myself.

MN is fundamentally conversational in style. So the irritating apsects of conversations will naturally be present. It's just how it is.

Mysteries from your example why are you wanting the background? The question is there, which breed this or this. The op probably doesn't want to get into a discussion about lurchers, rescues and the like, just answer the question! Some people really just want that an answer to the question they have asked.

We dint always need background info to a specific question.

If somebody wants info on a or b because that's what they have whittled down thier choices to they dont want info on x and y and z.

Have you thought giving a hamper?

In answer to my BFF has just been diagnosed with a terminal disease on he day her husband of 30 left for their cleaner and her parents have disowned her. And her sister is nuts. How do I support her?

Why not make her a nice hamper?

@ThePants999 when people NC for a thread, they then show as a new user with no posting history. If they don't make an effort to show they already know Mumsnet as you describe, they almost instantly get accused of being a fake/journalist/teenage kid/pervert looking for kicks. Doesn't help that the topics people NC for tend to be the more personal or embarrassing ones so it's easy to seem creepy or weird without meaning to. And then MN have to come in and confirm the poster is genuine because everyone reports them, it details the thread etc.

It's pointless as anyone who has read MN for more than ten minute has seen the references and would be able to use them in this way. And if people do it they get told that it's stupid, and if they don't they often get reported. No good solution really.

Any work related thread even when OP has said they work for a small family run business who doesn't have an HR department or is part of a union - Escalate to HR, talk to HR, go to your union rep!

I think some posters are just incapable of clicking off a thread without making a comment. So if they've nothing relevant to offer, they'll post something totally irrelevant. eg a poster is looking for suggestions for a good family restaurant in Milton Keynes for a birthday celebration. 'Must make a comment' poster has never been to Milton Keynes so will start advising the OP to have 'a nice meal at home. Much nicer with small kiddies around, and you could make your own mini burgers and have lots of picky bits and blah blah blah'.

Even worse are the posters who write 'I really can't get worked up about this' or 'don't you have anything better to worry about'. Seriously, just click off the thread if you think it's boring, trivial or whatever. No need to add your pointless tuppenyworth.

Willow2017:

There’s one going about a vegetarian not having any options on a steakhouse menu and so many people have put “there MUST be options, check again”.

WHY WOULD SHE HAVE STARTED THE THREAD IF SHE HADN’T CHECKED????

Sorry for shouting but it drives me fucking crazy.

This got me too😁
Also apparently there isnt a restaurant in the country that doesnt have an extensive vegetarian menu!

My favourite response on that thread was you just need to order a load of sides - onion rings, garlic bread etc., and a huge pudding Um no, what the OP & her DH need is the option of a proper vegetarian meal and if it can't be provided at the Steakhouse then they either don't go or the friends re-think their choice of restaurant.

Mysteries no, you don't need any background information in that example to 'orient' yourself, you want to know because you are nosy. It is irrelevant to you how they arrived at their conclusion, why are you the judge as to whether or not they went through a rigorous enough process? Your second paragraph is very patronising.

A good way to orient yourself in a conversation on MN is to read the opening post properly, any further updates/information from the OP and all the comments already put forward.

I love this thread! Hilarious. I do think there are loads of trolls on MN and I always feel sad for the OP when they get targeted. Life is hard enough, just answer the question/give relevant advice and leave it!

I asked for advice once with regards to separating from long term partner and father of my children. Pretty much all the responses were berating me for being stupid enough not to be married.
It gave me the rage for weeks and I haven’t started a thread asking for anything since (apart from advice on a moisturiser)

Also I once posted after Brexit referendum about how sad I was as I thought this was my home, he paid taxes here for 25 years. Had british children, watch east enders, celebrate royal wedding etc. Basically saying I was sad that this country that I saw as my own didn’t want me here.
One poster said “maybe you will be happier at home (ffs I AM HOME).
Another very helpful poster said that it would be much better if “people like me” tried to “make more of an effort” and “you know cook british things, use british herbs instead of my own foreign ones etc etc”.

HTF does she know what I cook in my own kitchen?
I have watched Phil and Sharon et al for more than 20 years...
What.more.can.i.do

@Willow2017, you made me laugh until o cried. Thank you! I have a 3 month old with an earinfction, I have not laughed for ages. Thank you

Ok I’m on a roll now. OP is saying she is posting and has name changed as she doesn’t have anyone to talk to in real life.

.......

You must speak to your friend or family. I’m sure your mum just wants to help.

No she doesn’t, that’s why I posted you idiot.

@Lndnmummy are you sure it's an ear infection? It's probably not you know

I read one yesterday on S&B about a young woman having her first interview and had two outfits and no money to buy anything else. And not feeling very confident.

Some lovely support like - steam the blazer, roll up the sleeves, wear it unbuttoned etc

Then the usual - order something else on line quickly

Op - I really don't have any more money

Go to Sainsbury's and get something else

Have a rummage through a charity shop

Errrr...

@Athena51 I am someone who needs to lose weight, but I wouldn't go anywhere near the weight loss board because of posters like that. There seems to be a small but noisy faction of people who think that "vanity sizing" is everything that's wrong with the world and if someone makes a throwaway comment about being a size 12, one of these people will pipe up "you do realise that a modern size 12 is like the equivalent of an old size 24, you probably wouldn't even have been able to find clothes to fit you in 1975, and quite right too, making clothes for fat people just encourages them to stay fat, size 12 is enormous and if you think otherwise you're just deluding yourself." I did see someone just the other day claiming that anybody over a size 8 was fat, so I'm only exaggerating a bit.

One that pisses me off is when a bloke comes on here being a knob, gets his arse handed to him and someone pipes up:

‘Reverse the genders and the responses would be VERY different.’

When a) the particular individual bloke is being a knob and b) you would also have to reverse several millennia of patriarchal oppression, which is time consuming.

Then there is the omni present, is he cheating, why yes, he is always cheating dear.

"My husband has been grumpy recently, he says it's work stress. I don't know what to do'

He's cheating and he's a total cunt. Get your ducks in a row. Make like James Bond. Secretly start photographing everything. Check his phone when he's sleeping. Install tracking softwear. Syphon off rhe money in your joint account.

"But I don't think he's cheating. I have two young kids. We love each other very much"

Cherchez la femme, But of course he is cheating, Ltb. Now. Hurry up. What you still doing on mumsnet. Watch him carefully whilst you Get those ducks in a row. Don't blow your cover yet. 🤣