AIBU to wonder why people always do this on MN?

[SquirreledIn]

I'm talking about people who always suggest the opposite of what the OP asked for?

Example: Can anyone please suggest some old fashioned names for our baby girl? We don't want her to have a name beginning with B but any other letter is fine.
Other user. Bethany? Bella? Bailey?

Or someone asks what they should order from the Chinese. There's always someone who says make a salad. It's much healthier.

It happens with holidays too, in fact almost every topic. Someone will ask for restaurant suggestions in Tenerife and some bright spark will say. I don't know. I've never been. I wouldn't touch the place with a barge pole. I only ever go to a lovely little gite in Provence.

Why do they do this? Do they really think that they're being helpful or are they just trying to be unpleasant? I'm leaning towards the latter most of the time. Ok, perhaps in the first example they just didn't read the OP correctly but I so often see posts similar to the other examples and it's frustrating.

OP: I'm having problems with my teenage daughter. She's really moody and hormonal. Any advice from mums who's been through this?

Next poster: oh I feel you OP. I don't have a teenage daughter, Just a toddler son, but I met I teenage girl in 1969..... oh DFOD

Omg YY to the constant peddling of mooncups at the slightest mention of a period. Fucking fuck off

I once got torn a new one for saying that moon cups sound rank, surely all the stagnate blood sloshing around when it should be absorbed or expelled isn't good. Apparently I clearly don't know how moon cups work

Top tip don't ever mentionquite fancy one of those Tassimo pod coffee machines.
The coffee snobs will descend and discuss coffee beans and grinding and recommend something 4 times the price. 🙄

Love this thread and just spotted a prime example

OP: looking to go away to a hotel over Christmas in the South East, ideally Suffolk or Norfolk [arguably these are East Anglia]

Subsequent poster 1: How about this place in Cornwall?

OP: I’m finding a lot of hotels want you to stay until 27 December and we really must leave on Boxing Day

Subsequent poster: you should look for a Twixmas break; it’s so much cheaper to go away in the few days after Christmas

The ones where the OP hasn’t had sex for months because their DH is too busy working/cycling/going to the pub and she’s climbing the walls with frustration. Someone always comes on to tell the OP how they have sex everyday without fail and twice on a Sunday

or when the OP describes a rude, aggressive person at work who just isn't very nice. Usually within 20 replies someone will have suggested ASD
a) Lots of very lovely people have ASD it's not a personality flaw
b) It is possible to just be a dick there isn't aways a medical diagnosis

The posters who reply with absolute knowledge that the op must have been x y z, they don't read the context just hone in on certain phrases and from those declare that the op most certainly is a hard faced bitch who needs bringing down a peg or two. When the op returns to give more information which doesn't make her sound awful the reply is still the same she MUST have done something and is a horrible human being.

Yes to all of these. I especially 'love' when people pick up on some tiny irrelevant detail and concentrate solely on that when the OP is clearly in the midst of some dire situation or emergency.

Help! My house is on fire! Does anyone know if I can really make ropes out of my bedsheets?

Well, possibly. I hope that they're organic cotton though. If not and they're polyester then you should stay where you are, hang your head in shame for buying manmade materials and think about what you've done to the environment!

or
Help! My child is choking on a chicken nugget! It seems to have moved and he can breathe now but he's complaining that it's still stuck, and I'm worried that it'll move again. Should I call 111 or take him to A&E now?

YABVU to feed your child junk food. My two are 30 and 35 and they still haven't tasted a chicken nugget. They don't even know what McDonalds is. Personally I'd let the poor little sod get on with it. He's doomed anyway with a Mother like you.

I don't think that getting a new manager is such an unreasonable suggestion, GunpowderGelatine. After all, Amazon offer same day delivery for Prime members.

Lol

Another one (I'm on a roll now) is competitive misery. There's a thread running right now where the OP is a single mum to 4 and gets £44 a week maintenance for the children. About three comments in: "I get £5 a week for 4 kids. I think you're lucky"
Or "Help we are skint and only have £3.60 left until Friday to spend on food - what is cheap and filling to buy?"
Response "we have survived on 54p a week for the last 10 years - I'd LOVE to have £3.60!"

Same goes for weddings. No one wants to admit that a £30k wedding they attended was a blast and everyone loved it. No sir-ee, everyone on MN got married in a hole in the ground wearing a tracksuit and served their guests raw turnip and worms for dinner and everyone just had the best time ever!

Oh god yes - weddings!
If you spent more than £3.80, then we all know how long the marriage will last, don’t we?
All show, it’s all about the day not marriage.

Oh there is plenty of classics

We are thinking of buying this house, do you think 40 k is enough to do it up?
WTAF do you want to spend 700k on a house in London for. Move to Scotland and buy one for a fiver. I'd never live in London. What about this one in Perth? I'd love to live there.

I can honestly say the best weddings I've been to have been the ridiculously expensive ones where you get fabulous food, free drink and top notch entertainment

Or the whole, I'm so insulted I only got an evening invite. I'm a second tier guest so I shall flounce and not attend.

I think i'm possibly a mooncup evangelist, sorry all

Those 'your totally normal question indicates that your behaviour is truly appalling' responses amuse me. E.g. I was once on a diet and recognised that my one bottle of wine per week was just stupid empty calories. I asked about more alternatives and tbf, most responses were sensible but somebody had to hoist her judginess onto my thread and be all 'why don't you just not drink YOU RAGING PISSHEAD '

Fuck off with your superiority!

Spa days , me and dh are skint havent had a night out together in 10 years live in a council flat on monimum wage im a bit pissed off and need cheering up , how about a spa day op?

I just read that thread Ktay. A classic example.

I do love it when people go all Four Yorkshiremen, GunpowderGelatine. Also, as you referred to in your manager example when the 'obvious' solution is not really so obvious or simple as they suggest.

'Of course you can afford to send all four of your children to Harrow!. I admit that you'll have to make a few sacrifices but if you cut the butler's hours, pawn a few pieces of the family silver and sell Great Great Uncle Monty's 18th century tiger penis hilted scimitar then you're practically there!'

The handbag ones. In S&B the place one would post for this type of thing!

My dh is buying me a bag for a significant birthday, he's saved for a long time and I am really appreciative given the amount he's spending. Should I get a Chloe or a Mulberry?

You should be ashamed of yourself writing such a goady boasting post op. I have 1 chicken and 4 potatoes to last me and my 8 children until the end of the month. What a horrible person you are rubbing your wealth in everyone's faces.

Very often MN is the internet version of Monty Python's Four Yorkshiremen sketch and it usually starts about three posts in.

Posters who either ignore a key detail, or suggest a scenario that would completely change things, but still expect the same advice to apply.

Example - on the regular answering the door threads: OP ‘AIBU to not answer the door if I’m not expecting anyone?’ Someone invariably pipes up with ‘Good grief, how do you ever receive a delivery?’ If they've ordered something for delivery they’re fucking expecting someone!! Or ‘I don’t answer the door because I’m in a high rise on a sink estate overrun with gangs’ - ‘But what if it’s a neighbour with some fruit off the trees in their garden, or some lovely cake?’

yourvegesty gin and slim line tonic. Sensible answer.

i do apologise. Vag. Not veg.

Yes, @woollytights. See also "How can we make our 2-bed flat less damp, we have two kids and nowhere else to dry the laundry but indoors". Well, we are fortunate enough to live in a mansion with an outbuilding for the laundry. WTF?

These are properly making me chuckle!

I haven't been on MN very long, but recognise all of these and often think " why?!?" - I just assumed it was a 'quirk' of the site....it makes me feel so much better that others think the same.

Can I add one more that I have noticed(sorry it's not a pleasant example)?

OP will describe an awful, harrowing childhood and about a parent being abusive throughout their lives and asking advice about going low contact.

Response: be grateful and happy you have a mother mine died 10 years ago

WTF????