Not remembering how many people I've slept with?

[fifithefoof]

Was on the other thread about do you wish you've had less or more partners and wondered whether others can remember exactly how many people they've slept with.

Is it horrific I can't! Not that I've forgotten any as much as I stopped counting!

I'm trying to make a list and think it's at around 30-50!

Is this an unusually high number! I didn't think it was but on the other thread it seems most people are at around 1-5!

Nist? What’s nist? Just a difference...

Mines about the same and I’ve just hit 30...I wouldn’t stress about it I think people with high numbers just tend not to tell people tbh.

Of course we all judge. I would judge a man who'd had less than 5 partners - I would consider him uptight and not great in bed.

However we don't ask for that kind of info on a first date. If I clicked with a guy and had great sex with him - finding out he'd had fewer than 5 partners wouldn't matter.

So I think it’s fair enough to say that we all have different thresholds. Some say “as long as it’s legal and consenting”

This could be an age thing. When I was younger I may possibly have thought differently but as I've gotten older I have become much more open minded...but again that could just be me.

Oh and sorry; I didn’t answer your question there did I hen?

What business is it of yours? Well I guess none. And it isn’t mine either. But I would do an inward if I met someone like that. And if it was someone I knew, I’d be put off them as a person. It is what it is. Not strictly my business who and how many people someone has sex with, but I wouldn’t be able to help feeling that way about the man in question really.

Also, the op asked a question on AIBU, so was going to get answers, some of which she hasn’t liked. The conversation has moved on to “who am I to judge?” and some of us are explaining why they might have a certain level where they might be a bit about an acquaintance’s sex life. Even though, strictly speaking, it’s nobody else’s business.

I think my threshold is quite high fwiw. Most of my friends probably have high ‘numbers’. My best friend has a very high number, including threesomes etc, but I don’t know exactly what it is. I don’t care, as he’s happy doing what he’s doing. At first I thought he was maybe putting himself at risk going to strangers’ homes, but he is quite careful about personal security etc. He has caught a few STIs along the way, even with safe sex, but he has them treated and is very quick to tell all previous partners because he’s a decent person. He’s still my best friend and I don’t care about how many partners he has at all.

Mrsharrison I find that a bit bizzare. Why would a guy who has had 20 one night stands be a better lover than a guy who has 3 or 4 LTRs spanning 10 years. What an odd thing to think that he was "uptight" or not great in bed. I would have thought the opposite was much more likely to be true since he would have much more and better experience than a guy who just has had the odd random encounter but consequently a high number.

Presumably combined with his ability to hold down relationships, he sounds a much better catch. Weird.

I would judge a man who'd had less than 5 partners - I would consider him uptight and not great in bed

How can you ‘judge’ how good someone is in bed by the number of partners they’ve had?

What if a man is so mind blowingly good in bed that every one of his 5 women have hung onto him for years?

I have to say that the two people I've slept with that were absolutely out of this world, scream worthily epic at sex were both men that had slept with a LOT of people.

The absolute worst were the ones with the fewer partners.

That's my personal experience.

Meh. In my experience men are either sexy or not and you can kind of know this. Someone who thinks that they are god's gift to women and might use as evidence the number of women they had slept with is in my opinion unlikely to be all that. YMMV

How would you know if you've never actually slept with a man who's slept with lots of women?!

And neither of the two men that immediately spring to my mind have bragged or think they were God's gift to women. I'd known them both in a very large social circle for years.

Well if we’re going to peddle anecdata ... I’ve slept with at least one man who had a lot of partners and didn’t enjoy it. The best sex I ever had was with a man who had never had sex with anyone before me. It was the emotional side I think which made it better. I felt totally un-self conscious in front of him because of who he was and how much I liked and trusted him. I mean, obviously there was a bit of guidance required, but I found that to be the case with men who probably believed themselves to be expert lovers too. Nobody knows my body like that or exactly

Posted too soon!

...exactly what I like personally, until we’ve actually had sex.

So I really don’t believe that a man who has had many partners is necessarily better at sex.

YABU OP.

I described this thread to a group of friends last night and the numbers quoted by some posters on here were certainly not considered anywhere near normal and attracted some very negative comment. Not of the pearl clutching variety, more distaste and disgust.

Distaste and disgust? Sounds like pearl clutching to me.

The 5 partner thing is just based on logistics. However I have found promiscuous men to be better lovers. Their greed for sex seems to make them more giving in bed.

I have to say that the two people I've slept with that were absolutely out of this world, scream worthily epic at sex were both men that had slept with a LOT of people

The absolute worst were the ones with the fewer partners

That's my experiences too.

Someone who thinks that they are god's gift to women and might use as evidence the number of women they had slept with is in my opinion unlikely to be all that. YMMV

Just because a man is good in bed doesn't automatically mean he thinks he's 'god's gift to women'. Again you're confusing the arseholes who you've been with, with men who are sexually experienced and may have had multiple partners

Lydiaatthebarre maybe your friends were lying to you in order to feel superior? I don’t know anyone IRL who I knew as a teenager who wouldn’t have got through alreast 10 during uni alone! Not judging you, I’m sure it was by choice.

I described this thread to a group of friends last night and the numbers quoted by some posters on here were certainly not considered anywhere near normal and attracted some very negative comment. Not of the pearl clutching variety, more distaste and disgust

Your friends sound awful.

I have to say even if thy didn't think they were God's gift I bloody did!

No they're lovely SeeyouHen.

"Distate and disgust"

People really do get worked up about what others do with their own genitals, don't they!

Sitting around tearing down other women doesn't sound that lovely. My friends luckily have better and nicer things to talk about over an evening out.

I'm not sure why you started this thread Fifi, as you already seemed to have decided on the answer. Anyone who says YABU seems to get insulted, sworn at or sneered at. If you want to discuss this issue in a nice little echo chamber, why post on AIBU?

No they're lovely SeeyouHen

Well you would say that.

distaste and disgust
not considered anywhere near normal
attracted some very negative comment

They sound far from lovely. Who the hell are they to say what's 'normal'? .

No one was 'worked up' Lagertha. OP asked a question, some people think yes, that number is unreasonable. No drama, just people discussing the question and some thinking it's distasteful to have slept with so many people you have lost count.