Not remembering how many people I've slept with?

[fifithefoof]

Was on the other thread about do you wish you've had less or more partners and wondered whether others can remember exactly how many people they've slept with.

Is it horrific I can't! Not that I've forgotten any as much as I stopped counting!

I'm trying to make a list and think it's at around 30-50!

Is this an unusually high number! I didn't think it was but on the other thread it seems most people are at around 1-5!

stonebake has explained it better.

Yes, See, I would judge a 65 year old man having sex with teenage girls and would internally chalk him up as a dirty old man.

I think most people would.

I think to pretend otherwise to desperately hang on to an overall-reaching assertion about how you never judge anyone, ever, is silly.

over-reaching

So hen... you would not judge a much older man who specifically only wanted to have sex with teenagers as long, as they are all above age of consent? Not even a bit of a ? Very liberal of you.

Weird comma placement there sorry. Hopefully you know what I meant.

We all judge. It’s human nature. It’s impossible not to. It’s an internal process.

Difference is, not everyone chooses to share their judgment with others, or tell the person they’re being judgmental about what they think of them. Some people are capable of judging, like we all do, while simultaneously recognising it’s actually irrelevant what they think about someone else’s behaviours (as long as they’re not actively harming others).

That’s also true jessie, but if the 65 yo man in the hypothetical scenario above posted on AIBU I imagine he’d have his arse handed to him by the majority.

Am I missing something?

How is it hypocritical to judge someone who repeatedly chooses vulnerable patents (the 65 year old), versus the person who repeatedly chooses equal partners that enthusiastically consent?

Am I missing something?

What I think micro was saying, was that, just because it’s legal and all parties legally consent, it isn’t always nice or palatable to everyone.

The old man and the teenagers was a hypothetical example to illustrate that point.

I'm glad people understand the point. Previous sexual history is important to some people when selecting a partner and to say it should never be a factor is daft if you ask me.

I wouldn't be dating someone who basically has shagged anyone with a pulse. For me I like to feel special to my partner and I wouldn't feel that sex with someone who has had so many partners was special. I get that that puts me at odds with some people who don't have this view, but I can't really change how I feel.

I've also seen a few times where people claim to be not bothered about their partners ex because it's all in the past etc....change when said ex happens to be at same party for example..but I think that's perfectly normal and kind of to be expected.

TheDowagerCuntess the issue is that people are saying that they 'dont care' about someone's previous sexual history and that it is not important and says nothing about them. That is what is being challenged.

And my point is that someone who chooses to have lots of sex with vulnerable partners (i.e. those two generations younger than them) cannot be likened to someone who has lots of sex with equal and willing partners.

To be clear, I wouldn't be put off by someone who had had a few relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. Although after 20 failed relationships maybe i would wonder what it was about the person.

It would be someone who regularly had one night stands or no strings sex that doesn't do it for me.

No TheDowagerCuntess they can't that's right. But if you don't care about a person's sexual history you would never know.

It wasn’t a direct comparison. micro made the point that everyone has their threshold for judging someone else’s sex life.

For you, the threshold might be the hypothetical old man. For someone else it is someone having more than 200 partners by the age of 20 and for someone else it’s anyone having more than 10 in a lifetime.

It isn’t nice to call anyone rank and I definitely have a higher threshold for being a bit than 10 over a lifetime, but everyone has their threshold.

Not a direct comparison though. It was just a hypothetical to illustrate point, as I say.

That^^ was to thedowager btw.

But it doesn't illustrate the point.

At all.

Hmmmm I thought it did the job quite well actually. But we’ll have to agree to disagree there I suppose 🤷‍♀️.

Using an example of someone who's (even perhaps implicitly) having coercive sex - because of the age gap between the parties + the vulnerability of the younger party - truly doesn't illustrate any point.

At least in the context of this particular discussion.

It illustrates the point perfectly. Either you care about the number and nature of a persons sexual partners or you don't.. you can't have it both ways. You might care to a different degree, but clearly you still would.

I think it did as I think the argument from jacques, (I think - sorry if I have the wrong poster), was “as long as it’s all legal and everyone consents”.

Nobody said the old man was coercing, just that he had a strong sexual preference for teenagers, (who were above the age of consent).

It’s legal. Everyone consents. But I still would judge a wee bit. hen said she wouldn’t I think. Different thresholds you see.

I don't care how many sexual partners a person has had, if they've all been enthusiastic, willing partners.

If they're 65, and repeatedly targeting 18 year olds, that very much suggests they're targeting partners for a specific reason. Any 18 year old having sex with a 65 year old probably isn't in the best place possible.

And to deny that is to be seriously disingenuous.

“Any 18 year old having sex with a 65 year old probably isn't in the best place possible.

And to deny that is to be seriously disingenuous.”

I don’t deny it. Probably, they aren’t in a good place. But some people have argued on here that any younger woman with a very high number of sexual partners isn’t in a good place either and they have been shouted down. Different thresholds / judgements / opinions.

Also I think jacques said she had a great sexual relationship at the age of 19 with a 48 year old man. Not the same as the hypothetical old man as not (afaik) a man who repeatedly targets teenagers and not as old, but jacques was the 19 yo having sex with a much older man and said she is and was very happy about it. Not in a bad place.

IME the more sexual partners a person has had the more chance that in their past was someone who they basically used for sex, or were less than honest about their feelings about in order to have sex. You see this all the time. A lot of women get "ghosted" in this way. Of course, both partners might always have got just exactly what they wanted from every encounter, but if etiquette bothers us we need to make a judgement about it.

But I still would judge a wee bit. hen said she wouldn’t I think. Different thresholds you see

What business is it of mine who consenting adults want to have sex with? Seriously, I couldn't care less.

Thanks for confirming hen.

So I think it’s fair enough to say that we all have different thresholds. Some say “as long as it’s legal and consenting”, but others have different views on it. I don’t particularly feel like a prude for being a bit about some things that more liberal people, like hen, have no problem with. It’s nist a difference of opinion.