Not remembering how many people I've slept with?

[fifithefoof]

Was on the other thread about do you wish you've had less or more partners and wondered whether others can remember exactly how many people they've slept with.

Is it horrific I can't! Not that I've forgotten any as much as I stopped counting!

I'm trying to make a list and think it's at around 30-50!

Is this an unusually high number! I didn't think it was but on the other thread it seems most people are at around 1-5!

To people who keep asking "why does it matter" I think some people just don't like promiscuous parters. It might sound like a moral judgement and maybe it is for some people, I can't really explain it. I don't think promiscuity is bad per se, it's just not for me, although by the standards of our grandparents I already am

To people who keep asking "why does it matter" I think some people just don't like promiscuous parters Promiscuous implies that the person has been indiscriminate which numbers of partners does not mean.

Disapproval here always means "more than me". Quelle surprise.

My number's only about 20-25, but I honestly don't know for sure because some of them were so unforgettable.

DH and I have obviously spoken about our serious exes, but we've never had the number convo - I've no idea how many women he's slept with, and he's never asked me either.

He's had his fair share, and so have I.

Ah ... that clearly should have been forgettable!

I think mine is between 10 and 20? I honestly can’t remember all of them- obviously not great sex 😂😂. I don’t think I’d be shocked at how many people someone had slept with until it got into the 200+ range. Even then I’m not sure if I’d be Pearl-clutching shocked or just jealous shocked 😂

I’m late 20s, been with DH for almost 5 years and married for 18 months.

To people who keep asking "why does it matter" I think some people just don't like promiscuous parters

You are entirely unable to see outside your own sphere.

When I say “why does it matter”? I’m not asking from the POV of someone assessing a potential partner, I’m asking those who are sitting in moral judgement on other, consenting adults because it makes them feel superior.

The number of partners I’ve had has no bearing on any other part of my life, THAT’s the point to the people commenting negatively.

Contrary to popular belief we don’t all wear scarlet letters.

^^^JacquesHammer

Well said JacquesHammer

Even then I’m not sure if I’d be Pearl-clutching shocked or just jealous shocked 😂

Look, I can help you here. If you want to have sex with as many people as possible, it’s honestly quite easy, if that’s your intention. I can guarantee you, that if I marched into a bar of an evening, or went on Tinder, with the express intention of finding a new partner to only have sex with once, I could do so, pretty much any night of the week. And I’m no stunner, believe me !

I reckon you could do this several times a week for a year or two... and voila! You’ll soon be joining those people who have had 200+ sexual partners.

It’s not for me, but if it’s for you, just do it. No point sitting round being envious.

I’m certainly not envious, as jacques and I already discussed a few pages ago. Not judging, but not envious either. It simply doesn’t matter to me, which is why I said the op wnbu at the beginning of the thread.

That said, I also wouldn’t be that thrilled with finding a new partner who had had 200+ sexual partners. That’s because I do think there is a higher risk of contracting an STI from that person, even using condoms etc. And since I only have sex with men (so far) and the nhs doesn’t test men for HPV (though I’d probably shell out for the vaccine if I met a new partner who had had 200+ sexual partners) and since there is no NHS test for genital warts, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it. The heart wants what the heart wants etc, so if I fell madly in love with someone who had had 200+ partners, so be it (hopefully not as I’m happily married). But I wouldn’t be too thrilled about it, no. Not because I’m jealous, judgemental or envious, but because of the higher risk of sti 🤷‍♀️. Also, the men I happen to know, who have had a lot of sexual partners have never been attractive to me.

One of my former best friends was a man who had a lot of sex with a lot of different women. He never bragged about it, high fived or anything, because... he wasn’t an idiot. But he had a LOT of partners. He was lovely but a bit of a heartbreaker. Some women said they were fine with just a shag, but then got attached when he didn’t. I’m not saying this is true of all men like this, or all women for that matter, but he accidentally hurt a lot of people. I wouldn’t have touched him with a barge pole, romantically speaking, because of this.

He’s settled down now with one of his regular FWBs and they seem happy though.

People make judgements on others life choices all the time, it's unavoidable. I don't really think it's a moral judgement in that it's not right or wrong, it's just something that I would not do.

It's a judgement I make about potential suitors, if they have been indiscriminate or unselective about who they want sex with then Im not terribly impressed at being picked. Sex is actually a big part of a relationship to me and if my partner's previous criteria was "anything with a pulse" (which I actually think a for a lot of men is their criteria) then they're not for me.

People make judgements on others life choices all the time, it's unavoidable

I don’t. Certainly not on the legal, life choices of consenting adults.

I don't really think it's a moral judgement in that it's not right or wrong

Have you read some of the comments on this thread? It absolutely IS a moral judgement for some people which is utterly nonsensical.

Yeah Jacques, but thats not true is it ? It's perfectly legal for a 50 year old man to marry or have sex with 18 - 20 year olds, but I think that's pretty disgusting. Shoot me.

And I'm not saying that you are disgusting but eg a man who had only had sex with teenagers or something like that is another example. Would that not bother you?

We are also a number. I like reading about how people view their past sexual history. Some are open, some regretful for having too many or too few.
How we can be judgemental about others and some are very accepting.
My grandmother used to say to me that she only had had sex with my grandfather and regretted because they split up and she never had sex with anybody else.
I think it's a bit sad to read that others can be so judgemental. Sex is only bad if you don't consent to have it.

And I'm not saying that you are disgusting but eg a man who had only had sex with teenagers or something like that is another example

Why do you keep introducing non sequiturs that have no bearing on the point of discussion? So far we’ve compared a high number of partners to infidelity and violence.

But to answer your question, no I wouldn’t judge as a knee jerk reaction.

I very happily dated a 48 year old when I was 19

I don’t. Certainly not on the legal, life choices of consenting adults

Bollocks.

So a 65 year old man starts having sex with their 18 year old granddaughters mate.

Two thirty year olds have a bet about how many blokes they can shag in one night, the winner hitting 20.

A 19 year olds ‘number’ is over three hundred.

I don’t believe for one second that you’d not judge any of those legal life choices.

Everyone has their threshold for what they find wrong, morally bankrupt, icky when it comes to sex...call it what you will. Some people’s thresholds are just lower than others.

*So a 65 year old man starts having sex with their 18 year old granddaughters mate.

Two thirty year olds have a bet about how many blokes they can shag in one night, the winner hitting 20.

A 19 year olds ‘number’ is over three hundred*

Which of those has any relation to what we are discussing on the thread. I.e the “legal, life choices of consenting adults”?

Is that a joke Jaques?

All of them. As in, they’re all legal life choices of consenting adults.

I thought that was pretty obvious.

Is that a joke Jaques?

I can only assume you’re being deliberately obtuse. Tiresome.

You’re trying to avoid the question. It’s very clear.

I can understand that answering it honestly would shit all over your faux-liberal point though so no problem.

MicroManaged

So a 65 year old man starts having sex with their 18 year old granddaughters mate.

Two thirty year olds have a bet about how many blokes they can shag in one night, the winner hitting 20

A 19 year olds ‘number’ is over three hundred

I don’t believe for one second that you’d not judge any of those legal life choices

Maybe you could start your own thread about the above things if you want to discuss them. They have absolutely no relevance to this thread.

I can understand that answering it honestly would shit all over your faux-liberal point though so no problem

What on earth are you talking about? The women in your scenarios are all of legal age and are consenting to the sex, so actually, what's your point?

Maybe you need to read back a bit.

Threads evolve. It’s a perfectly relevant question around a previous post about passing personal judgement on people’s sexual choices and actions.

An uncomfortable one that I can see I’m unlikely to get an answer to though.

I get what micro is saying and I think jacques and hen do too. Everyone has their threshold for being a bit about someone else’s sex life. That’s not to say that it’s ok to call someone “rank” for having 10+ partners. That’s a very low threshold indeed.

I would definitely at a 65 yo man who only had sex with 17 yos. But yes, it’s legal (I think).

Maybe you need to read back a bit

I've been on the thread from the beginning thanks. Again, if everyone in your scenarios consented to sex, I don't understand your point...apart from that you would judge.