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Original poster

Not remembering how many people I've slept with?

999 replies

fifithefoof · 09/10/2018 13:07

Was on the other thread about do you wish you've had less or more partners and wondered whether others can remember exactly how many people they've slept with.

Is it horrific I can't! Not that I've forgotten any as much as I stopped counting! Confused

I'm trying to make a list and think it's at around 30-50!

Is this an unusually high number! I didn't think it was but on the other thread it seems most people are at around 1-5!

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 14:21

Sleeping with lots and lots of people speaks of a person with low self esteem and issues maintaining relationships

This keeps getting trotted out and no-one can actually explain why.

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:21

fifithefoof Good for you. But that’s my opinion, which you asked for by posting on AIBU.

Please do get an sti check so you aren’t passing on any diseases. Condoms arent 100% and some diseases have no symptoms.

seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 14:22

But then I was lucky enough to meet my husband when I was 19 and I have an incredible sex life

If you've nothing to compare it to you'll never know if it's incredible, you know no different.

seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 14:25

Sleeping with lots and lots of people speaks of a person with low self esteem and issues maintaining relationships

...and yet there was a poster earlier on saying she wishes she'd slept with more but her self-esteem was too low.

MargoLovebutter · 10/10/2018 14:25

That will be because it is bollox JacquesHammer and they are getting all in a muddle! Grin

You can enjoy lots of sexual relationships and have great self-esteem and you can have very few and have low self-esteem. Self-esteem is all about valuing yourself and if you think that having lots of sex with different people is something you want, will enjoy and you are safe and careful - there is no damage to your self-esteem, because it is your choice and you are enjoying it. If on the other hand you are trying to fill a void of misery by trying to establish relationships with men by having sex, then you are on a road to self-esteem disaster because you are conflating sex with love.

I despair at the ignorance of people sometimes!!!!!

peachgreen · 10/10/2018 14:28

My God the prudes on this thread! Also I'd love to know how anyone can know that they're having fantastic sex when they've only slept with three people or whatever - I mean, great if it's satisfying you but you have no idea if it's objectively fantastic?!

I'm on around a dozen (and, now that I'm married, fully expect to stay there!) which is about the same as most of my friends who had a period of singledom in their 20s. Most of them were in two years. If I'd been single for longer it would be higher and I'd have no qualms about it. I've never had an STI and I don't have any issues around sex and self-esteem - I just did it because it was fun. I've only ever regretted one sexual encounter and that's because, despite knowing him for a long time beforehand, he turned out to be a complete dick.

My husband has only slept with three women as he's a bit of a serial monogamist but there's no way he would judge me for my number being higher, and I wouldn't be with him if he had!

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/10/2018 14:28

I hate to sound snobby but have you had all your sti checks?
Every time I have entered into an exclusive, monogamous relationship I and the other half had checks before we had sex without a condom. Have you and your DP had your STI checks Ohluckyme?

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:29

Yeah sorry I guess everyone’s different. Personally it would put me off but if it makes you happy then go for it 👍

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:30

@DioneTheDiabolist yes we have. Just had another full round actually (including HIV) before we can have ivf treatment. It’s always good to have regular sti checks.

seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 14:30

Personally it would put me off but if it makes you happy then go for it

Yes the same as someone who was very inexperienced would put me off.

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:32

I enjoy my sex life which is the main thing! and I’ve probably had a LOT more actual sex than someone who has slept with 50 people as I’ve got it on tap 😁👌

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 14:32

and I’ve probably had a LOT more actual sex

As opposed to pretend sex? Wink

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:33

seeyouhen I’ve most likely had a lot more sex than you so therefore more experienced. As I’ve maintained a loving relationship for 15 years.

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:34

JacquesHammer I’m not sure a quick tinder bang counts.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 14:36

I’m not sure a quick tinder bang counts

I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had one.

But you know sex is sex. It doesn’t only count if you’re in a relationship, however much you’d like to think so.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 14:36

As I’ve maintained a loving relationship for 15 years

And there’s the crux of it. You feel superior because you’re in a relationship. Which is obviously rather silly.

MargoLovebutter · 10/10/2018 14:37

ohluckyme you seem to be assuming that those who've had high numbers of partners for sex are lonely and wandering the streets flashing their knickers hoping for a desperate shag!!!! Has it occurred to you they might also be in a loving relationship now too with sex on tap as well?

Original poster
fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 14:38

@Ohluckyme I've said TWICE on this thread I've never had an STI. How is it you only reply to what you want?

I've also said TWICE that I've been with Dh and fully monogamous for over 7 years. And intend to be from now on so you can take back your snippy 'passing something on' comment.

Also, some of the best sex I've ever had has been from one night stands. It was very, very actual.

OP posts:
Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:38

JacquesHammer I’ve had three one night stands and felt dirty afterwards. The sex was shit. It takes time and lots of practise to have an increadable sex life. Hacking sex with the same partner is brilliant because you feel free as you feel so comfortable with one another. And being in love makes sex so much better.

Original poster
fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 14:39

@MargoLovebutter quite. I have sex on tap with Dh now. Having lots of partners before hasn't affected that. In fact I'd go so far as to say it's better for both of us because of it.

OP posts:
Stonebake · 10/10/2018 14:39

Sex is sex and by the same token more “experienced” doesn’t have to mean having sex with more people.

The best sex I’ve ever had has been with dh who was decidedly inexperienced when we met.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 14:40

I’ve had three one night stands and felt dirty afterwards. The sex was shit

Then you don’t like one night stands. That’s fine for you.

It takes time and lots of practise to have an increadable sex life

Don’t agree

Hacking sex with the same partner is brilliant because you feel free as you feel so comfortable with one another. And being in love makes sex so much better

In your opinion. Discussion is pointless if you conflate opinion and fact.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 14:41

Although I have to say it’s ironic that the same poster who accuses others of self-esteem issues is taking such great pains to tell everyone how much more sex she’s had, and how much better it is. That doesn’t smack of confidence in life choices.

Stonebake · 10/10/2018 14:42

But, op, I think luckyme’s point was that there are some STIs which you could have without knowing you have them. They aren’t symptomatic for everyone and there are no tests for them. But they could cause symptoms in someone else. That’s my understanding anyway, (but then, see above re scaremongering sex Ed teacher)!

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:42

That’s why I said sorry in my post above and that everyone is different. Personally I think more than 10 partners is rank but that is just my opinion which I am entitled to. But I wouldn’t go on a protest march about it. Good for you all 👍

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