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Original poster

Not remembering how many people I've slept with?

999 replies

fifithefoof · 09/10/2018 13:07

Was on the other thread about do you wish you've had less or more partners and wondered whether others can remember exactly how many people they've slept with.

Is it horrific I can't! Not that I've forgotten any as much as I stopped counting! Confused

I'm trying to make a list and think it's at around 30-50!

Is this an unusually high number! I didn't think it was but on the other thread it seems most people are at around 1-5!

OP posts:
seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 13:40

Why can't your partner shag other people if they don't mean anything to him ? What's wrong with that ? Most people would be gutted and jealous as I was I think. Most people expect their "d"p to be exclusive, but I don't understand why if you think sex can be meaningless it would matter to you ?

lornar123 Is that the words of your ex? That sounds to me that this is what he's telling you to talk you into being in an open relationship.

CaptSkippy · 10/10/2018 13:44

Reading some of these posts here I could only conclude that some posters believe the following:

  • safe sex is impossible with multiple partners
  • you have no emotional connection with your friends (whether you sleep with them or not), because you are not in love
  • not being monogamous is the same as cheating
  • sex is supposed to have a special meaning otherwise it's "just for kicks" or "purely physical pleasure"
  • not being monogamous means being unable to form (healthy) relationships
  • having a high number of partners means you have no self-esteem

Is that it? Did I leave anything out? Have we gone back in time and ended up in the 1950s? I can't believe all the puritanical, judgemental crap that's being spouted on this threat.

Thankfully most posters seem to have a nuanced view of sex.

ShesABelter · 10/10/2018 13:46

I genuinely couldn't care how many I or anyone else has slept with and so for that reason have no idea and don't keep count. At a guess, about 20.

lornar123 · 10/10/2018 13:46

Yes seeyou that is pretty much exactly what he was saying. There's a logic to it that if was "cooler" about sex and distinguished it the way others seem to be able to that is a head fuck trying to refute.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 13:46

lornar123

I think you’re very confused because of the actions of your previous partners

To try and explain. Sex isn’t meaningless as I enjoy the act. It is possible to have sex, enjoy it but not ascribe any deeper meaning in terms of feelings etc.

It is also possible to fall in love with someone and because you’re in love with them you make a commitment, which includes fidelity.

I don’t see sex as the only thing that makes a partnership special. There’s so many things in a marriage or long-term relationship that mean it’s special, not just the sex.

If you make a commitment to someone, it is the betrayal of that commitment that is the issue, not the act of sex.

I suspect it comes down to whether you can have sex without feelings or not. Neither is wrong, but it means you must be on the same page as a partner otherwise you’re incompatible.

MargoLovebutter · 10/10/2018 13:47

I think you've got it CaptSkippy. Amazing judginess on here from some!

I think some people are still very repressed when it comes to sex and are still stuck in the 1950s or possibly even earlier. Their loss though really.

lornar123 · 10/10/2018 13:52

Thanks Jacques. That kind of makes sense but also I feel sexual jealousy which I note you don't, maybe that is what makes me seem repressed.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2018 13:53

That kind of makes sense but also I feel sexual jealousy which I note you don't, maybe that is what makes me seem repressed

How do you mean?

Original poster
fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 13:54

@lornar123 being upset someone cheated on you isn't sexual jealousy or repression. The more you say the more I feel maybe he was gaslighting you. Thanks

OP posts:
seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 13:55

lornar123

He's full of shit, he's gaslighting you.

lornar123 · 10/10/2018 13:55

I mean it is exactly the act of sex that was the betrayal, you said it would.be the breaking of a commitment that upset you, not the sex itself
For me it's the thought of them together ,having sex.

BrightonGallery7 · 10/10/2018 13:59

Whether you like it or not, you will be judged if you have slept around. Men, in particular, can be pretty harsh about such women.

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:01

Gosh that’s very very high. My number is four which is very normal. I hate to sound snobby but have you had all your sti checks?

lornar123 · 10/10/2018 14:01

He wasn't gaslighting Fifi, he was trying to talk me round by drawing this distinction between just sex and meaningful sex. The sex didn't mean anything I don't really even like her, it just makes it even worse. Anyway he's history.

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:02

@BrightonGallery7 I would judge and wouldn’t sleep with a man if I knew he had been with 50 woman yuk.

Original poster
fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 14:07

As I've said just upthread, I've never had an STI.

Ugh, some posters here are making me want to go out and have a gangbang!

OP posts:
redannie118 · 10/10/2018 14:07

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

FantasticHarryPotter · 10/10/2018 14:12

I'm only at 3 and would like to forget 2 of them.

I do wish it had been 5-10 but with decent people.

Whatever your number it doesn't matter as long as nobody's getting hurt or let along.

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:12

Condoms don’t work 100% of the time and won’t prevent you getting crabs and herpes. I think sleeping with that many people is gross and would put me off a potential partner. But then I was lucky enough to meet my husband when I was 19 and I have an incredible sex life.

Sleeping with lots and lots of people speaks of a person with low self esteem and issues maintaining relationships.

seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 14:16

Whether you like it or not, you will be judged if you have slept around. Men, in particular, can be pretty harsh about such women

Only an utter arsehole of a man would judge 'such a woman' Grin.

Stonebake · 10/10/2018 14:16

Tbf that’s true re condoms not protecting against certain stis. And you could have herpes / genital warts with no symptoms I think and I don’t think there’s a test for genital warts, but could be wrong. Or was that all just scaremongering by my sex education teacher???

Ohluckyme · 10/10/2018 14:18

Stonebake no that’s spot on. My friend caught the herpes virus from a tinder date and she used a condom.

seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 14:18

osh that’s very very high. My number is four which is very normal. I hate to sound snobby but have you had all your sti checks?

Who says 4 is 'normal'? You? That may be your normal. Honestly some of the posters here are so close minded. So because some-one does something different to you...yours is 'normal'?

Original poster
fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 14:19

Sleeping with lots and lots of people speaks of a person with low self esteem and issues maintaining relationships.

Nope. I didn't want a relationship. I also have high self esteem. I loved having sex with new people.

OP posts:
seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 14:20

#closed minded

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