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Original poster

Not remembering how many people I've slept with?

999 replies

fifithefoof · 09/10/2018 13:07

Was on the other thread about do you wish you've had less or more partners and wondered whether others can remember exactly how many people they've slept with.

Is it horrific I can't! Not that I've forgotten any as much as I stopped counting! Confused

I'm trying to make a list and think it's at around 30-50!

Is this an unusually high number! I didn't think it was but on the other thread it seems most people are at around 1-5!

OP posts:
BonnieF · 09/10/2018 21:11

I can’t remember, either. What I do remember is that when I was young, free & single, I was young free & single.

Twodogsandahooch · 09/10/2018 21:13

This has kept me entertained on a delayed train journey home.
I'm 40 now and been with DP for 12 years. I thought it would be easy to work out but there are a fair few I can't remember whether it was a fumble or we went all the way. A few shockers in there too.

SilverHairedCat · 09/10/2018 21:13

Because the emotion overrides the physical act, as the love for the person becomes more important than fulfilling a physical desire for sex.

Or at least it does for most people. An addict will not be the same.

I don't see why this is so difficult to comprehend, I really don't. Same for why you think those of us who have historically had multiple partners are going to shag about now we're married.

I've had lots of cars in the past, and lots of shoes - so what?

echt · 09/10/2018 21:14

Not RTwholeFT but ove the way that "very high" judgement is laws more than whoever posts it has shaagged. Their 2/3/ whatever is presumably OK. :o Hmm

Desperada1234 · 09/10/2018 21:16

I think I'd find it difficult to keep track of the exact number if I had had that many, so YANBU not to have an exact count (I have had three, and I am late 40s. All were LTRs, so not easy to forget...).

Littlecaf · 09/10/2018 21:17

Haha this thread has made me feel sooooo much better about my history! I think my number is 20 ish, all safe, and have been with DP for 10 years, so I’m sticking at 20!

I had a fab time at uni Blush

CaptSkippy · 09/10/2018 21:18

What is this bullshit about having sex with someone making you "special"? Seriously, do you see someone wanting to fuck you as a compliment?

Cause I don't. The people I want to have sex with are not special. They are just my personal preference and if the feeling is mutual, I am theirs too.

I really don't understand sexual attraction somehow elevating your status as a human being. Sex is and the choices surrounding it are personal. You can talk about them if you wish, but you don't owe anyone the truth or a justification regarding your own sexual choices.

Seriously, WTH!

DC18 · 09/10/2018 21:19

I don't think it carries to much weight as long as you were healthy and safe. I'm not sure about my exact number but think it's around 18 but that's probably because I was far too shy for one night stands etc lol I have have a friend that has been with twice as many but she is gorgeous, very confident and had a bit of a party girl lifestyle in her late teens. I think that's empowering! x

echt · 09/10/2018 21:19

Jesus, typos.Blush

Lookingforadvice123 · 09/10/2018 21:23

All depends on how long you were single for. If you were single for 10+ years then the number is going to be higher. Mine is 8 but I've been with DH since I was 22 and before him I had two long term relationships. So one might wonder how I squeezed 8 in Grin

If you racked up a high number when in a relationship or married, I judge you. Otherwise crack on.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/10/2018 21:24

I've slept with about 30-35. I knew all the names back in the day, but I met ExH 20 years ago and a lot has happened since then so that information became unimportant. So YANBU OP.☺

Desperada1234 · 09/10/2018 21:25

Such a weird business, really. As I say, I have had three partners (including my current one, the greatest love of my life). Which makes me look very goody-goody, but I was unfaithful to the first two with the next one along. No plans to be unfaithful to this one, though. He is the first one whom I still fancy like mad after several years... Plus where do flirtations/emotional affairs come in this hierarchy? I had plenty of those (lost count), while being decidedly not technically promiscuous...

tor8181 · 09/10/2018 21:28

wow to the high numbers

my number is 1 and im 38 soon

been with my oh 19 years he is/was my one and only sexual partner

lornar123 · 09/10/2018 21:28

CaptSkippy so your husband shouldn't feel special in anyway because you want to have sex with him ? In that case and since it means nothing, why would you bother if he had sex with someone else ? Sex is what makes relationships special and why infidelity is a big deal. Do you consider the fact that your husband wants to fuck you unimportant ? How strange.

Silver, I'm still struggling with all this as you can tell. So you suddenly are not able to have sex with anyone else if you are in an emotional relationship with one person ? If you feel like that you must see that sex isn't nothing after all ?

lornar123 · 09/10/2018 21:35

I guess I think of all those cheating men who tell you it didn't mean anything to them when they cheated, and it probably didnt, so why does it matter to us ? Because they had sex with us so now any sex they have and with anyone must take on some new meaning, because I say so ? I'm rambling now thanks for listening Smile

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/10/2018 21:39

I think about it this way, if I were the 101st guy my bloke had shagged I wouldn't feel very special.
Making a life of love together is special. Sex can be a part of that but is not necessary. I know plenty of people in committed relationships that are pretty much non sexual. They still love each other in a special way.

You seem to struggle to understand other people's relationships lornar123.

seeyouhen · 09/10/2018 21:41

Sex is what makes relationships special and why infidelity is a big deal

OMG you are soooooooo frustrating lornar123. Again why do you keep going on about infidelity? Sex in a relationship is a different kind of sex to a one night stand...Having multiple previous sexual partners does not mean that you will cheat whilst in a relationship. Are you worried that your DH is missing his previous life or something???? Are you thinking that maybe you've missed out?

lornar123 · 09/10/2018 21:45

Sorry for hijacking the thread, I don't think I can express any more clearly than my last post. I am not ready for another relationship but as I feel at the moment I would not trust someone who placed no value in sex.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/10/2018 21:49

You really are confusing sex between two single consenting adults with cheating. They are very different. Cheating involves deception and lack of consent.

flumpybear · 09/10/2018 21:49

@JacquesHammer - yes, you're right!! There's many more facets than I've mentioned!! ... like I said ... I'm a bit 'yawn'!

MetalMidget · 09/10/2018 21:49

I have the grand total of three, all in long(ish) term relationships - shortest one was two years. I was always incredibly shy though, and teetotal. I've only kissed five. I'm 38.

No regrets here - well, not entirely true, I sometimes wish I'd snogged more blokes in my late teens/early 20s, instead of spending five years with my first bf who ended up destroying my self-esteem even further...

CaptSkippy · 09/10/2018 21:52

lornar, I don't have a husband, but if I did he should not feel special. My attraction to someone is not a compliment in the same way that my lack of attraction to someone is an insult. If I find someone repulsive, that's an insult. But my desire to have sex with someone is just personal.

I have fwb. I don't care if they have sex with other people, as long as they are respectful and safe. I don't approve of cheating. If you promised monogamy, then you better live up to it. But that too is a personal choice between parties involved.

I find it strange that this bothers you so much. Infidelity is a big deal, because it is a breach of trust. You'd feel simnilarly if you promised to raise a child with someone and then that person walks out of his/her responsibilities as soon as it is born. Or of you confide a dark secret to someone and that person then posts it all over Facebook. Breaking promises is a shitty thing to do, but it has nothing to do with open relationships or multiple partners.

It does not a make you special and it's sad that you would even let an inch of your self-esteem depend on it.

CaptSkippy · 09/10/2018 21:53

lornar123, what has cheating got to do with casual sex?

seeyouhen · 09/10/2018 21:54

lornar123

Ahhh I think I get you now. See the thing is, although I slept with most of my sexual partners when I was in my teens and 20's and I had a great time with no regrets, I don;t think I would do it now without being in a relationship. I've been with my partner for a few years now, I'm mid 40's and if we split, I'd take my time. Although never say never, who knows what could happen.

donajimena · 09/10/2018 22:01

This thread has made me nostalgic... oh I miss those carefree banorama days..

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