Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

I had this OP with a single mum friend who struggled with childcare. I used to have her DD several nights a week after school even though I had my own 3, and her DD was very hard work being an only child.... needed a lot of adult interaction, and was quite draining at times tbh. Friend did always say thank you and would buy me flowers etc every so often. But never offered any money for food/activities.

And she then booked a party for her DC. Invited nearly every kid from the school apart from DD.... and when I gently hinted if DD had lost her invite, she said that she hadn't included her as "they aren't that great friends and don't always get on".

I let the day of the party go by, and text her that evening to say that seeing as her DD and mine didn't get on, it was unfair to force them to spend 3 afternoons a week together after school and I'd be unable to do it after that Friday. She had the cheek to say I was taking it all too personally and shouldn't get involved in my DDs friendships

She's not paying you, her daughter is a brat (taunting your dd)

"Hey, I'm unable to have X again as of next week. Thought I'd give you plenty of notice :) x"

Poor DD. You owe these wankers nothing OP and your DD needs to see you putting her first and not allowing anyone in your home who’s mean to her.

As someone who's been a registered childminder I would caution ANYONE against this kind of arrangement.

It leaves you wide open not only with regard to being a victim of cheeky fuckery (inc them expecting you to still watch and run around fetching their child, even if you or your child are ill), but also these type of people if their daughter had an accident or became ill due to anything at your home usually don't think twice about causing trouble even suing!

This situation alone I would have NO reservations in telling them to get tae fuck! Have you any idea how much money you're saving them?! You must be MASSIVELY out of pocket on snacks and drinks alone! Not to mention increased wear and tear on dds toys, and your household generally. And seemingly you've not even had a proper thanks!

You are under NO obligation to give them any notice whatsoever, this is an informal arrangement.

I agree you need better boundaries too. It's nice to help people but NOT to the detriment of you or your family.

"Friends should help each other out" when have they EVER helped you? Or dd?

Wow! And they had you do the booking? Although - dd says she's not invited - have you actually checked with them yet? Is it possible the girls had a falling out and the other girl said this in heat of the moment? Just be cautious in what you say on that particular subject until you know for sure.

BUT that still doesn't excuse the cheekiness of using you for £££'s worth of free childcare without so much as a thank you - bet the daughter never says "thanks for having me" either!

They WILL backlash cos they're losing the free childcare they've come to rely on! Tough! They knew they were onto a good thing and didn't value it or you.

4 hours up to 3 times a week round here would get you £50-60 a week as a registered minder. You could well be saving them £100 a week! 18 months, that's almost £8k!

Dinosaurkisses yea it amazes me too! Even if purely for self serving reasons if someone is helping you out makes sense to keep em sweet!

Are the girls friends or just classmates? I ask because when I was about that age a neighbour with a DD my age looked after me (paid) for a couple of hours after school twice a week. Her DD and I got along ok and played together for that couple of hours but the thing is we did NOT play together at school nor did we spend time at each other's houses as a rule. We weren't 'friends', we didn't play together on the playground. I was never invited to her parties nor was she invited to mine. No hurt feelings on either side, as again, we weren't 'friends' so wouldn't be expected to be invited. I agree that it was mean of this woman's DD to rub it in, but could it be that your DD has overestimated their friendship level?

I guess I see this situation as two different things. Either you want to do the extra care for free or you don't. Either these girls are friends or they aren't. One doesn't necessarily have to affect the other. BUT if your DD is unhappy having this girl around because of the way she spoke to her then perhaps ending the arrangement would be best. Not because she wasn't invited, but because the other girl was rude.

This is why I don't agree with allowing children to invite who they want to in all circumstances. My dd was bullied and excluded from everything by a girl on school. We thought it got sorted out then the girl had a party and invited every girl in the class except dd. The girls parents basically endorsed her bullying just as these cf parents are allowing their dd to be ungrateful and spiteful

It would have been no=ice to invite Op's daughter but she obviously isn't liked enough.

That's why the childcare needs to end as it's not fair on either of the.

Why have you done it for so long though Op?

You can't have thought that it was good for your daughter even if they did appear to get along OK.

Do you ever get anything in return for the favours you do?

I mean it's all well & good, but I think that the line between being helpful & being used is pretty fine!

What's the plan OP?

Complete CF!

There's helping out where you can, and there's being walked all over, and you are being USED. Can you imagine dropping your kid off for this much free childcare over this amount of time and not reciprocating, or offering to pay, or showering the people with gifts? These people are complete chancers. This is cheeky fuckery on a par with the Mexican house thief.

I have been in your shoes OP . I ended with people texting me at what time they would drop their children not asking if I could.
The worst was a «friend» who worked as a nanny one day a week, sometimes on the day she was working she would drop the kids to go to job interviews or training leaving me the kids. It never occurred to me she was being’paid while I was doing the job.
I was just happy to help.

So what have you decided?

Wow - keeping my eye on this one as I can't wait for an update when you tell them where to stick it.

Good luck - I really hope u stick to your guns!!!!!

these sort of users mock you behind your back. It’s futile having anything more to do with them. They will soon enough move onto another mug. They have a knack of engendering sympathy in others with their lies. Get rid of them now and learn to recognise these traits in other likely spongers.

I really wouldn't moan about it to anyone who knows both of you, someone will stir things up and it will escalate. I would try to give your DD some space this week (ideally with no one else knowing why). Just message: it's awkward doing the school runs this week, sorry (don't give a reason), and then after the party cancel the arrangements properly as it's "too much for you now".

CFs get away with it because of people like you OP. Kind people who genuinely like to help. Bin them off without a second thought!

thats way beyond excessively rude!!!!!!!!!!! its inexcuseable,-they already surpassed f))king liberty! ! call,text or brick through window wi note attached- been to a and e-entire family are accutely allergic to CF.stay away.twattery

and say 'I won't be able to have -kid's name- any more after Wednesday/Thursday/Friday. Sorry - the arrangement doesn't work for me any more.' That's it; don't elaborate, don't explain, don't speak to this woman again. She's not your friend, and never was. She's a user. Learn from this experience and model good boundaries for your DD.

This

Stop empowering this DREADFUL woman. Stop enabling her.

And stop being a doormat for your daughter to see

Self respect is important -- learn to respect yourself and show your daughter how important it is

Yes cf, I'd ditch the free child minding and skip the nicey excuses too. " you're taking advantage of me and can't even be arsed to think of my dd's feelings"

Ha ha to be fair I'd probably want to say that and come up with a lame excuse instead!

Utterly CF and rude and bad mannered as fuck

Agree with the others. You need to stop the childcare. It’s not fair on your poor daughter.

Your poor daughter! If you don’t get an invited by Friday, then Friday night you need to end this arrangement. Teach your daughter a valuable lesson... stick up for yourself, don't let people take advantage of you and you are worth more to me than anything! I bet your daughter would really value the sentiment of you stopping this arrangement for her.

Oh God this thread has made me sign up so I can reply!! Please stop this arrangement now, I am utterly baffled why parents don't overrule their children in situations like this, they are total freeloaders!! You are obviously extremely kind and helpful but they don't deserve it and your DD has to come first.

Wow that is a lot of childcare you do!! VERY cheeky of the parents

Fuck that shit.

I wouldn't do that level of childcare for family, let alone friends. And certainly not a cf school mum friend.

Dump them.