Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

I really hope you don't have their DD anymore what they are doing to you is cheeky enough as it is even before the party situation, your poor daughter must be feeling rubbish

Wow, that's outrageous. I really feel for you both. Definitely stop the arrangement. How awful!

Some people are so unpleasant! Stop as & when you decide to suit your family. & if that leaves them in the lurch tomorrow morning, so be it! Not your problem!

You should stop this free childminding right now. Let her find another mug person to do it (and maybe even pay them). Your poor DD. The other girl was nasty and cruel.

I wouldn’t make my daughter spend time with her this week if she is going to miserable having this party rubbed in her face by little spiteful. You should protect your dd starting now and they can make whatever emergency arrangements they need. I’m not having a go, you’re clearly lovely but need to put your foot down now!
Unbelievable cf

Also, if you end it tonight, they can't blame the party as you put an end to it before.

Most importantly, your dd does not like this other child. This is the best reason for stopping the arrangement, obviously having a younger child to deal with is another huge reason. This child rubbing your dd’s nose in it is just the cherry on the cake. Horrible little Madame! The lack of invitation is a proper slap in the face.

I hope you tell them to fuck right off, OP.

On rethinking it I would text her now and end arrangement as of Friday afternoon. No reasons just that it isn’t working for you. Ask that they send a contribution for food. Dont offer emergency support in the future. Do not mention the party or pretend to have bought a present etc. The loss of thousands of pounds of childcare will hit hard enough.

This is just out of order. So out of order.

Please OP, prioritise your lovely DD

That’s plain rude and friend is definantly a cf.

If they kick up,a,fuss, their child care arrangements are not your problem.

Let us know how,you get on.

I have a very similar situation with one of my kids, friends birthday is soon, if my child is not invited I am stopping the free childcare.

Seems your DD has 5 "better" friends than yours that could look after her for free. Cheeky fuckers.

They're taking the piss. Once a week I would drop a boy off because of his mum's work patterns. He never came home with us. I was going to the school anyway and passing his home on the way back. It wasnt even out of my way. At the end of every term his mum would buy me chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. I told her not to but it was a lovely gesture.

Wow I need to follow this to see how it sends. CFs don’t like being told no.

Time to wrap up the childcare as of now

And they don’t even have the decency to give you some moolah for all your help. I don’t know how they have the nerve to even look you in the eye, to be honest.
I’m as non-confrontational as you can get, but i would be having serious words with the girl’s parents about it.
Fuck ‘em, the saucy pair of bastards.

Very cheeky indeed.

It's cheeky enough of them to expect so much childcare for free and not reciprocate/pay/treat you otherwise. Childminders round here would charge close to £100 per week for the hours you detail.

To have a party and not invite your dd is cruel.

I agree with the other poster and FWIW I think the party has brought to your attention that you are putting your "friendship" by being helpful over your daughters needs. I think without this party you would have found it hard to find that reason to make this change. You can absolutely do that now.

Don't chase an invitation, smile sweetly if there's any mention of it and the day after, text with "the arrangement isn't working for me anymore sorry I can't help out anymore." Your focus can now be your DD in the morning with no outsider conflict in her home.

Crikey ..bloody outrageous don't do anymore childcare for her

I feel so sorry for your daughter. I agree that you need to cancel the childcare ASAP. I'd ring her Sunday eve and tell her, don't text. Catch her unaware and tell her.

Stop this now. No explanations needed, no apologies. "I can't take CF DD to school anymore so you will have to make alternative arrangements." Nothing more is needed!

I actually feel quite irritated on your behalf. Do not do anymore childcare for her. Message her tonight and give any excuse. They are CFs of the highest order. You seem like a really good person and you are being taken advantage of. You should just drop these cheeky fuckers out of your lives. Their childcare arrangement is not your problem.

Stop child care immediately! I wouldn’t want my DD around someone who makes her feel so sad.

I’d be sending the text tonight stating that it no longer works for you and your family.You’ve been used.Cheeky swines.

I would text now and say that you’re sorry but you won’t be able to do before and after school care any more. That there have been problems between the girls for some time but things have come to a head today and your dd is very upset. You won’t need to say anything else as they’ll ask their dd what has been said.
Ignore the invitation that will materialise tomorrow or rsvp to say that your dd won’t be able to attend.
You don’t need to give notice to stop minding the child! You’re not an employee! Why would you want your child upset for a day longer? Let one of them take time off and take their own bloody child to school or find some other mug to do it.

Whether or not you get an invitation in the end or not - the outcome is the same. You are going to stop the arrangement, and your DD has been hurt. You have been taken for granted, and the parents probably justify their behaviour by thinking they are doing you a favour by letting their DD play with your DD regularly.

I agree with others, best to stop it right now. No need to mention the party or explain. If you leave until after the party, the parents will justify/blame you and trivialise it by thinking you couldn't handle not being invited. Don't go there.