Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 08/10/2018 20:26

How absolutely vile.

They clearly don't think much of you or your DD. The girl is vile. And so are her parents to do this ... you're apparently the hired without pay help!

I'd cancel tonight via text. No more having her girl, end of. Who cares if they rustle up an invitation in a panic? Your DD isn't accepting it any way.

Vile, vile, vile family to act this way. Stand up for yourself and tell them you are done, effective immediately, watching their child for them. And then block them.

peanutbutterandbanana · 08/10/2018 20:26

I'd be sooooo tempted to be pettiness personified and just not be in next time they're due to drop their DD off. Even if it means leaving the house a half hour too early and having breakfast in a café. Let them knock on the door and panic when no-one answers. After all, you're doing them a (huge) favour and I'm willing to bet they don't really even ask anymore, it's just assumed you'll do it.

I love Flirty's idea. But you'd need to have a spy camera set up as really would need to see their faces Grin

Ecclectics · 08/10/2018 20:27

Definitely agree with the other posters that you need to wait until after the party as suddenly an invite will appear as if by magic if you make your thoughts known before.

This also eliminates the risk of any confusion regarding the invites.
I’m thinking of some very unusual but possible situation for example their dd is doing two birthday activities and your dd will be invited to the other.
Or that your friends dd has an invite your dd and is just winding your dd up (still not very nice but at least her parents aren’t responsible).

Then once their actions have spoke loud and clear, and there is no possible chance of any other explanation, I would just explain that the arrangement is no longer working.
I don’t think I’d even be explicit that it was the birthday invite that drove me to the decision.
It’s not a sustainable arrangement anyway and the longer you do it the more difficult it will be to get out of.

Fleetwoodmac2 · 08/10/2018 20:28

Jesus Christ OP. Get a backbone. Why see out the two days this week, for goodness sake?!

zzzzz · 08/10/2018 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missingstreetlife · 08/10/2018 20:29

You don't even need to explain, they haven't, theyvwillmknow why. Just say things have changed and you can't help anymore

Thatstheendofmytether · 08/10/2018 20:30

I agree send that text to the cf tonight! I wouldn't be doing anymore freebies for someone that didn't have any respect for my or my family.

Figgygal · 08/10/2018 20:30

They don't think much of either you or your daughter 2-3 days every week is unbelievably generous and yes they've taken a lend of you

RhythmStix · 08/10/2018 20:31

That is CFery on an unprecedented level!!

I like PuppyMonkey's idea as well.

Mbhatescf123 · 08/10/2018 20:31

This is the perfect reason to get out of this cheeky arrangement and if you dont you will only reinforce their belief they are able to take from you but give nothing back. Their little girl is obviously developing the entitled nature hence her enjoying letting your dd know that she is being left out of a fun treat. No way can you let her be allowed to carry on coming to yours and taunting your daughter. They will be angry and shocked when you stop the piss taking, but you can do it in such a way that they will look ridiculous and you will be showing your daughter she comes first and will be helping teach cf and child that they cant just treat you like crap as they mistake your kindness 4 being a weak doormat deserving of being taken for as much of a ride as they can. It will be amusing, but sad how outraged people who do this get when they are thwarted from using people to make them feel superior as they see their devious behaviour as clever.

HooseRice85 · 08/10/2018 20:31

Even if the daughter was lying I’d still end the arrangement on account of her being a nasty little shite.

Don’t bloody well give them notice. What kind of advice is that?! She thinks you’re a pushover and she clearly doesn’t give a fuck. Tell her to do one.

Thatstheendofmytether · 08/10/2018 20:32

Why should they get 3 days a week of free childcare especially with a before 7 start? I'm a cm and I wouldn't take a child before 7.30am, even then I'm reluctant.

ThePinkOcelot · 08/10/2018 20:32

I certainly WOULD NOT see out the rest of the week!! For what exactly?! To get mug tattooed on your forehead?!
They’ve upset your dd! Stand up for her! Show her that her mother actually cares that she’s upset!!

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/10/2018 20:32

You shouldn't do any of the care this week. The issue is less about them being CF (the parents certainly are) it's that your DD is now being made to share her home and toys with someone who took pleasure in telling her she was excluded. You shouldn't teach your DD that she has to put up with that. There is no reason for you to keep offering care to a child who is mean to your DD. Indeed, you shouldn't keep offering care to a child who is mean to your DD.

You don't have to mention the party, you just say you don't want to do it anymore as the girls don't seem to be getting on. If an invite appears (because I doubt the mum is stupid) just turn it down and stick to your guns.

Thebluedog · 08/10/2018 20:33

I love all the ideas coming through and would love to think I’d do something along those lines Flowers

But I’m reality I’d probably text her after the party, say something along the lines of your dd was upset about not being invited, and as such feels her friendship with her dd has run its course, and it seems like her dd is also struggling with the relationship as she didn’t invite her, so now would be a good time to stop the arrangement

MadameButterface · 08/10/2018 20:33

Agree with Wellies

And i would rethink how much you bother living up to being ‘the mum that everyone asks for favours’ in future - yes it is nice to be known as bwing kind, but look at how these people are taking the absolute piss out of you.

AnotherDayAnotherDollarRight · 08/10/2018 20:33

Text them now, to say you are unable to help with their childcare arranements going forward. Don't apologise. Don't explain. Definitely don't mention the party. If they question you just say it doesn't work for you, and suggest they find a childminder.

Mbhatescf123 · 08/10/2018 20:33

This is the perfect reason to get out of this cheeky arrangement and if you dont you will only reinforce their belief they are able to take from you but give nothing back. Their little girl is obviously developing the entitled nature hence her enjoying letting your dd know that she is being left out of a fun treat. No way can you let her be allowed to carry on coming to yours and taunting your daughter. They will be angry and shocked when you stop the piss taking, but you can do it in such a way that they will look ridiculous and you will be showing your daughter she comes first and will be helping teach cf and child that they cant just treat you like crap as they mistake your kindness 4 being a weak doormat deserving of being taken for as much of a ride as they can. It will be amusing, but sad how outraged people who do this get when they are thwarted from using people to make them feel superior as they see their devious behaviour as clever.

Tahani · 08/10/2018 20:33

wow - thats incredible.....? you should work out how many hours minding you have done and send an invoice (well i wouldnt, stay classy)

for 18 months (term time) you have had her dd for approx 4 hours a day

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 08/10/2018 20:34

She's a CF of the highest order, sheesh! Whatever you say in your binning text, don't apologise. Don't worry about waiting until after the party, do it asap and plan something nice with your DD for Saturday.

MynameisJune · 08/10/2018 20:37

Please don’t say sorry in your text. This is not a formal arrangement. It benefits you in no way. Just say it doesn’t work for you anymore and you won’t be having X anymore.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 08/10/2018 20:40

Genuinely gobsmacked at the cheekiness of your 'friend'. Just fucking astounds me his nasty people can be.

Sparklybanana · 08/10/2018 20:40

I think I’d bring up the party when they drop off or pick up. Just casually say she must be excited and who else is going? If they look uncomfortable then it’s true dd hasn’t been invited, but if they start chatting then maybe she has and it’s a misunderstanding. I’d still stop the childcare without some reimbursement though. I’d let someone look after my child and feed them without offering something! If the kids aren’t friends it’s not good for your daughter. Although I would wait a bit of time as I wouldn’t want the two events linked and for her dd to cause issues with yours.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 08/10/2018 20:40

How*

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 08/10/2018 20:43

There is no contract to break between you and your "friend" as there is no consideration i.e they are not providing you with anything in return. Therefore I would not give them notice; the parents can take emergency leave or whatever this week - it's not your problem to worry about. There is no way your DD should have to spend another minute with someone who enjoys being spiteful to her.