Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

Because sometimes sb74 it can be upsetting for the OP. I have seen posts where the OP sets out a set of medical/physical concerns ..later on following medical intervention it transpires there is a serious issue and people are still responding to the first OP saying "its probably just 'y" which then leads to the OP having to say again "no I now have a diagnosis of x which is pretty serious"

Sometimes it won't matter much in the grand scheme of things but a bit of consideration doesn't go a miss.

Some people are just cfs.
When I was younger and cared what people thought of me I really struggled with this shit , then I realised that being a doormat isn't the same as being liked.
Cfs expect to be told 'no' , they just move onto the next mug, they don't understand or care how the other person feels.
Entertaining thread

Right ok. But what about the person responding innocently that gets attacked? Do we not care about upsetting them? Everyone has feelings and their own problems in life just because they don’t share them with everyone on mn doesn’t make them less important. People talk as if there are unwritten rules on here and we should all be considerate towards them but then they don’t think twice about being nasty and swearing (which is unnecessary) to a complete stranger who made an innocent mistake. Being mumsnet I’m guessing most of us are mums?? So if another mum says she’s had a newborn and it’s hard etc how about a bit of sympathy her way rather than telling her to stop whinging etc. If we are going to go down the road of sparing people’s feelings then that should count for everyone on here not just the OP.

Mummy - you have nothing to be sorry for. Hope you are ok xxxxx

Sb74 - I think if mummy had accepted the information with good grace and moved on I think the reaction would have been different. But she didn’t. So it caused more angst.

And to be honest it’s annoying the fuck out of me that this thread has been derailed so fucking much. There’s another thread about this now. I’d like the remaining posts to be about the actual op.

Oh, right well we’d all better do what you say then hadn’t we???

...And from what I’ve read, and I’ve not read everything coz I don’t have time either, some of the ‘information’ kindly given to mummy is just the opinions of a few mean people not on behalf of everyone on mumsnet. We are all busy and have lives and the only thing ive seen that’s rude on here is the attack on mummy. Oopps, sorry another unrelated post.

er no. But i think it would be polite to the op no?

You’ve kinda proved my point

Not really.

Polite!!! What about being polite to everyone???

There are some snidey women round here that’s for sure! Someone didn’t read the full thread, a thread which wasn’t about a medical trauma, or a particularly worrying issue, so no harm, no foul other than the way some people are talking to someone who, by her own admission, is new to MN. Grow up, this isn’t school and you don’t get to repeatedly berate someone for an innocent mistake.

Christ stop derailing the thread you bunch of nuggets!!!

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

The 'show all messages' or 'view 1000 messages' on longer threads, is really useful.

Especially if you hope to read it all before an imminent deletion.

Keep us updated what you say to the mum and her reaction

I'm completely 😲 at this comment by mummyofone

FGS, there are 800 more posts which you can't be arsed to read

Did it not occur to you that there might be an update in one of those?

If you weren't going to bother reading subsequent posts, why bother asking for an update?

Bearbehind - oh, the irony of you not reading the subsequent (what feels like) 987 messages soundly berating mummyofone for just that! Rehashing much?!

I am not in any way, shape or form condoning the behaviour of CF dad but I bet he was under the impression that the OP was in some way being recompensed. As a PP said up-thread the OP will probably hear from him at some point asking for the arrangement to be re-instated for at least one day if not all three.

Well done OP and have fun this weekend. What are you going to see at the cinema?

That's made me chuckle!!

@Ski4130 are you berating her for making an innocent mistake?

@fifithefoof ha, no berating here, honest guv, the whole thing just made me chuckle at the irony of it!

Mummy, although I do try to check for updates form the OP before posting, I do very occasionally post quickly without realising that the thread has been around for a while and has mutliple pages. It happens to all of us occasionally and no harm done - accept the cries of RTFT and move on.

What is a bit odd about your post through it is that you specifically asked in it that we be kept updated, but then indicated that you dont have time to look for updates, so slightly odd request.

She really is a classis CF. I hope her blanking you reinforces how right you are to stop and won't be helping out again, no matter the situation.

So back to the main topic...

Is it wrong of me to hope that in a couple of weeks she might ring you up to ask beg you for a favour? Then you can give her a piece of your mind.

She won't if she's blanking op now.

Mind you, the brass knuckles on people will never cease to amaze me.

It's one of life's rites of passage, learning how to deal with CF. The OP won't be caught out again!

OP I know you've had a million responses but in reply to your last update ... I don't think you should feel stupid. I think it's generally nice to help each other out, if someone isn't taking the piss.

I have a lovely friend with lovely DD in my DD's class, she has to come through traffic to school and she sometimes rings and asks if I can wait with her DD for 5 mins as she is running late. I genuinely don't mind at all. But then she is a good friend and not a CF. There is sometimes a fine line I think!

I totally think you've done the right thing given the party circumstances. But I also think you weren't wrong to help someone out in the first place (assuming this worked for you & your DD at the time).