Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

mummy set your viewing to 1000 posts and that way you can scroll continuously without having to go page by page.
But you may want to adjust your language filters for MN. Swearing isn't asterisked out

All the outraged RTFT posts are far more annoying than posters only responding to the OP. You don't own MN.

@fifithefoof I really don't understand why you're being so rude to me

Im new to mumsnet, and exhausted through no sleep.

I'm pleased you coped a lot better than me with a newborn.

You're obviously a better mum and mumsnetter than me

@myrtleWilson I've gone into settings and there is no option to change to showing 1000 threads?!

Mummy pay no attention. This is par for the course on AIBU. Congratulations on your new arrival.

@Mummyof0ne but it's been explained why it's unhelpful and rude but you're still saying you won't bother to read threads despite the fact it may upset others.

@YerDaSellsAvon very true. And derailing, sorry.

Mummy of one - can you see that your posts appear in one colour and the OP's in another?

If you can't see this or it's not clear post a question in 'site stuff' and someone will help you.

When you read a thread you need to start from the OP. Then you can flick through the rest if it's already long, to see what additional posts the OP has already made. There is an option to read from top or bottom which can be confusing. Make sure you know what order you are reading things in.

If you are too tired to do that - and we all remember how dazed you can feel with a newborn - it's best not to comment because the chances are that you are out of date as more information has been revealed.

Does that help?

@onegiftedgal
if you are new to mn you may not realise that you can go into settings and get all the original posters posts highlighted. That way, on a long thread like this one, you can just wizz through and read the op's posts, and see all the updates.

The last 2-3 pages of this thread are FULL of people coming on and commenting having not read the whole thread, of even the updates.
It is really annoying to those people trying to follow the thread.
It is really rude to assume nothing that has happened in 29 pages is relevant.
It can be really upsetting for the OP if the situation is serious.

@fifithefoof but it's rude to attack someone also!

I should be able to reply with my comments to the OP original friend thread without fear of being attacked for doing so

Being new to MN I didn't realise you were expected to read through every comment before commenting

I'm sorry, there's no manual and I should be free to respond to the OP as that's the point of MN no? People asking advice

@IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside thank you for your help

I will do that xx

@Mummyof0ne can you move on? I'd like to keep hearing from OP about her and her daughter, not you and your technical problems.

We all have newborns, stop whinging and start your own thread.

@Boreddotcom sorry

@Mummyof0ne it's been pointed out to you how it's rude and can be upsetting yet you're still going to just reply to the original post?

Ok. Crack on love. You'd better develop a thicker skin then.

Mummy - Do you understand that unless you've read the previous responses to the OP's post, your own thoughts whatever they are, are going to be meaningless? you don't have to read 31 pages, just a few pages at the beginning and towards the end will do but give you enough to understand the general gist about how things have developed. Then you can contribute.

@fifithefoof have a great day

@MartaTam no I didn't realise that but thank you so much for your help

Much appreciated

MummyofOne I'm linking to a thread and there's a post on here with pictures which shows you exactly how to highlight original poster's posts and your own posts. It really is easy to do, I promise! That way you will always get the gist of what is going on in a long thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3390221-in-expecting-people-to-read-the-fucking-thread

p.s. make OP's posts and your posts a different colour by the way!

I do think we all forget what a maze MN can be. When you're new you (me included back in the day) are finding your way round and MN is not exactly intuitive.

@Mummy - You're welcome .

Sorry that you actually considered this person a friend. The fact that she will call you up to give you her shifts as if she’s dealing with some business, only difference being that she is not paying in any form for the services. Glad that you see that you don’t need to offer any reason for no longer looking after her child. Who cares what she thinks and/or says about you to others - there are always these types of horrible people out there that will always gossip and assume things of people, best to just ignore and avoid her and those type of people in general.

@Roussette tru dat.

Apologies for the derail op! (If cf Karen IS actually on this thread she's probably thrilled!)

I think you've handled the whole affair fantastically and hopefully she'll see the error of her ways and come at you with a spa day voucher and a bottle of your favourite plonk and a big fat 'sorrythankyou' very soon.

If she blanked you I bet she has read the thread. At least by blanking you, she is least likely to ring you in an couple of weeks looking for a favour. Or at least you can return the favour and hang up on her.

OP how are things between the girls in school? It's a tricky one to manage esp if the CF has decided to start ignoring you!

Haha I’d prefer blanking over ‘I just have a little emergency favour...’ any day.

Hopefully it’ll be the end of it. I’m sure you’ll hear from someone soon about how they’re being tapped up for childcare.

Ps cancel the cheque!

We are all adults and if someone doesn’t have time to read everything but would like to contribute then so what? It’s as much their choice what to read as it is what language to choose to respond There’s no need to attack someone just because they’re not up to speed!! Jesus!