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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
Boxingmum · 10/10/2018 10:03

Sorry totally tagged wrong person, I'll shut up now and get back in my box 😂🤣😂

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:03

Good god, I would be upset too! Keep us updated what you say to the mum and her reaction

I would 100% nip this arrangement in the bud

fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 10:05

@Mummyof0ne ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS? Angry

🤯🤯🤯😭😂

Boreddotcom · 10/10/2018 10:05

I swear ppl are just doing it to be obnoxious now. Angry

Also, I am so happy for your daughter. 18 months, it's like having another kid.

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:07

@fifithefoof sorry what did I say that was wrong?

RedDogsBeg · 10/10/2018 10:09

@MummyofOne READ THE THREAD - THE OP UPDATED YESTERDAY THAT SHE HAD NIPPED THE ARRANGEMENT IN THE BUD.

It is very rude for posters not to make the bare minimum effort required to at the very least read the OP's updates before posting.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/10/2018 10:09

but I will always place a comment on the original post. That was the ops question and that is my answer which has not been changed or biased from reading other people's posts.

Please don't do this, @onegiftedgal . If you're new to MN then you need to know this ^^ is quite rude.

The thread is well over 700 posts, and many, many pages long.

With all due respect, why do you think we want to read your thoughts, when they're completely meaningless at this point in the discussion?

@Mummyof0ne - read the fucking thread.

fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 10:10

@Mummyof0ne sorry. Grin the thread has moved on a bit yet there are still 58274 posters telling op to stop the childcare.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/10/2018 10:11

I think the responses that have been posted most recently could have been avoided if the default option set by MN HQ when viewing threads is "Flip this thread" - that puts the original post at the top and then the most recent comments straight after that, rather than the oldest comments and you have to trawl through pages of "Stop the arrangement/cancel the cheque".
Just a thought.

I also think that CF may be able to sort themselves out for this week but be expecting a call in the next few days or weeks when they go in to 'crisis' mode "Oh OP I desperately need your help getting X to and from school. I've used up all of my leave etc. etc. etc."

blurredspeech · 10/10/2018 10:12

What kind of profession does CF work in? Hope it is not something which requires empathy, generosity or reciprocity!

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:15

@fifithefoof so sorry, but there's like 31 pages. How does one have the time to read through all the pages to find an update?

Sorry, I have a newborn and don't have time to do that.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but your language was a little unnecessary

KC225 · 10/10/2018 10:15

She blanked you OP. So after all this time - when she has had the nerve to text you in advance, her work rota - YOU have offended her. You must be so happy you have ended this.

I know what you mean about kids getting on. All kids are guilty of winding each other up. But rightly or wrongly, kids can use parties as a form of currency. And I am a rare breed that loves doing children's parties. It was wrong the CF lite to Lord it up over your daughter that she wasn't invited, especially in her home. Your hone should be a safe have. Your DD should not have her confidence chipped by an outsider coming in.

There are pluses to come from this - you have found your strength to end this Face to Face no less. Your DD knows that you have her back 100%. This will probably NEVER happen to you again. Best of all you and DD will have a fab Saturday afternoon together.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 10/10/2018 10:15

OP ..So proud of you...resolved in a dignified way ..classy lady !! I am sure your daughter will grow up to be a fine young lady with you for a mum...Its been a hard lesson for you all to learn but one you will never forget...Well done lovely!

Polly7 · 10/10/2018 10:16

OP your post was deja-vu for me! I was in a similar situation- I gave 1 weeks notice that the lifts etc. would cease. Still friends with the person I was helping out, just don't feel taken advantage of any more!

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:17

@RedDogsBeg how do you go about reading just the OP's updates? Do you physically have to click on each page and scroll down?

New to mumsnet and exhausted with a
Newborn. Not sure I have the type to read every persons post

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/10/2018 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:19

@TheDowagerCuntess mind your language please

There's no need for that

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/10/2018 10:20

Thanks, but this is Mumsnet and I'm an adult, so I'll make my own language choices.

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:21

Why are some people so mean on Mumsnet?!

Mummyof0ne · 10/10/2018 10:22

@TheDowagerCuntess remember there's people behind these threads with feelings.

Would you talk to people face to face like this?

FesteringCarbuncle · 10/10/2018 10:24

Mummyof0ne
You need to go into your settings. You can choose a colour for the op posts and for your own posts
They are then highlighted

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/10/2018 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KeiTeNgeNge · 10/10/2018 10:24

Ouch, that was a bit on the nose Dowager.
@Mummyof0ne yes you scroll down the page until a message shows highlighted in a different colour to the rest. Just skim the thread and read the ops updates.

fifithefoof · 10/10/2018 10:24

@Mummyof0ne *so sorry, but there's like 31 pages. How does one have the time to read through all the pages to find an update?

Sorry, I have a newborn and don't have time to do that.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but your language was a little unnecessary.*

Well then you'll receive similar comments to mine and the Cuntess.

I managed with a newborn. As I'm guessing a large percentage on here also have.

KeiTeNgeNge · 10/10/2018 10:25

Aah, that was for Dowagers post at 10:17:41

Swipe left for the next trending thread