Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

@nannykatherine - 😂😂😂 you ok there pet?

@laudersyme - is it so hard to believe some people genuinely help others out where and when they can? The two girls didn’t constantly dislike each other. They had their moments (which is how I worded it in my OP I think) where they wound each other up, but is that not part of life? When my daughter goes to work she is unlikely to adore every colleague, when she settles down/marries it’s unlikely she will get along 100% of the time with her in laws.
I think most kids of this age have moments when they don’t get on and don’t think it’s a case of my poor daughter the victim forced to spend time with a vicious bully in her own home.
The nail in the coffin and what displayed how little they think of us was the birthday celebrations and the non invite. Obviously if it had been made clear in the last 18mth how little CF DD liked my daughter then wouldn’t of continued.

I’m equally baffled how you think helping out someone you consider to be a friend when you aren’t able too from a time point of view is so ridiculous.

I have been totally used and taken the piss out of. But that fact has only recently become clear, maybe that makes me stupid? I will certainly, sadly, be on guard now and now allow anyone else to do the same to us.
But I don’t regret it. I feel a twat. But no regrets.

It’s ended with my daughter learning a valuable lesson about friendship and how to stick up for herself. I am very proud that she has not resorted to any nastiness on her part about it. So I think that makes us winners, not victims.

*are able too

Well done Op!
Life lesson learnt all round! Wish u were my friend as u sound lovely. Don’t loose your kind spirit

Your teaching your DD valuable life lessons, so hard when you want to be kind and a good person and get walked all over :(

Strange that nannykatherine is a MN user and claims to be a trained nanny on another thread who has looked after lots of DC So not sure why she is on this thread telling you to fuck off..... very bizarre

I think 'tell her after the party' has become the new 'have you cancelled the cheque'

I'm amazed at how many posters don't read the OP's posts. There aren't that many, and it would take seconds. Weird. I never post unless I'm 99% sure I know it hasn't been covered before.

I was very much like you, I let people walk all over me, I was stupid enough to actually do this for many years. About 5 years ago I got sepsis and my hubby was told another 24 hours and it would have been a completely different outcome. During my recovery period I received a text from a lady who I was helping out with child care pretty much the same as you, asking me she was really stuck and how long was I going to be in hospital, and could I ask hubby to help her out until I got home. Not even one word of how are you doing, hope you are feeling better. This made me really really think about my life and from that day onwards, I stopped everyone from walking all over me.

I’m just sending you and your daughter and hugs, this must have really upset you both and there is no way this woman should get away with it, as for her daughter, well she sounds like not a very nice little girl.

My moneys on nannykatharine posting on the wrong thread.

I think the fuck off was to pps who told her to RTFT.

I hope it's not an usual expression she uses at work.

Jocarter67 that’s awful. How selfish and downright rude came people get. Big things like sepsis do make you evaluate what’s important. And also get other people to show their true colours

This morning I got totally blanked. Think she’s slept on it 😆.

Don't feel a twat OP, you did a lovely thing, it just wasn't appreciated. And you're right about your girl learning a valuable lesson. You won't half appreciate your time to yourselves now too.

You got blanked?! I'm sorry and I rarely use this word but, what a cunt!

I feel so sad for your DD op, this is an absolutely shocking way for this woman to behave towards your family.
Let's face it, it's not your DD friend who has chosen the girls she wants to invite - it always comes from the parents imo.
How could she say that they are not good friends when they spend so much time together.
I can't believe that you look after this child unpaid for such a long time. They are cruel to be using you and have saved a small fortune in childcare which is obviously going towards this party!
You must put an end to this immediately - its an important thing to teach your DD. Say that after half term you will no longer be able to look after her DD as your circumstances have changed. If she questions it, say actually the 2 girls could still be together if you could drop your DD off at hers at 7am and collect at 5.30pm.
She has really made me angry - please let us know what you are going to do/ how it pans out.

please let us know what you are going to do/ how it pans out.

Alternatively, @onegiftedgal, you could simply RTFT.

What does RTFT mean???

It’s ok - I just figured it out 🤦🏻‍♀️ God, I’m not as with it as I thought I was...

@DieBabySharkDie RTFT= read the full thread

+# PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE FUCKING THREAD BEFORE YOU COMMENT+#
*

Ahem. Sorry. I've just never actually seen a thread so bad for it!

Cancel the childcare is definitely the new cancel the cheque!!!

wakeup you're much more polite than me -I always think of it as read the fucking thread!

It means read the FUCKING thread. HTH.

@FetchezLaVache

I'm sorry, I'm quite new to mn and don't really know how this works. Why are you swearing at me and being so angry and horrible?
I'm glad that the op has resolved it and got rid of this cruel woman taking up her life but I will always place a comment on the original post. That was the ops question and that is my answer which has not been changed or biased from reading other people's posts.

@onegiftedgal what they are saying is that the thread has moved on, making your posting redundant. Op has already put an end to the arrangement and updated everyone on how it panned out.

@FetchezLaVache

They are not swearing at you Hun, a poster asked what RTFT means ... it means: read the fooking thread.

No ones angry, well maybe they are irritated a tad but your all good!!!

@onegiftedgal

Because it's a bit lazy and rude not to bother reading the thread.

The thread then gets annoying to read because it's full of irrelevant comments.

Because to just comment without reading as a matter of course can sometimes be upsetting to an op who's in more delicate situation. Eg "I think my husband's cheating should I check his phone?" Then getting pages of 'yes check his phone" by people that think they don't need to waste time reading the thread, they'd rather hear the sound of their own voice. When it's actually moved on that the husband got caught out and moved out to be with the other woman last week and poor op is having to deal with 'yes check his phone' again and again.

I didn't mean to sound angry though. Just frustrated.