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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
Enko · 09/10/2018 21:46

OP I get why you agreed. I looked after a friends children for a year twice a week. Took another friends children to school and back again for 4 years.. Difference is both parents were grateful and showed it. In the case of the sisters we drove to school dd3 who is now in year 10 is still invited to that girls birthday every year despite the fact they do not go to the same secondary school.

When our dd's went through a period of not getting on so well (as kids can do) mother asked me if I would be more comfortable with not taking them.. I said no as DD3 needed to learn she can be polite even when she doesn't want to be close friends. It lasted about 3 months then she got past it. Again mother was grateful.

I still get Christmas presents from both sets the one where I had the children for 1 year arrives with a card and a bottle of wine. Says every year its because of my being willing to have the kids she was able to get her diploma and start her business (she is a dog groomer with a now thriving business) The other sends a little something every year too...

So I do feel I got something out of it even if not money it was more about helping someone out and in return they showed they appreciated the favour. In your case I don't see much appreciation for what is a big thing

RCN1 · 09/10/2018 21:54

Good grief. A relationship to slip away from politely. Clearly the girls aren't really close friends 'any more', and you must have many more things to do with your own sweet children than you were expecting this school year, after all. Go jump around in some leaves and eat icecream with them, and stop being available for this unambiguous CF!

Crankywitch · 09/10/2018 22:01

Is there a way to look up someone's profile? I want to look at auntyflonono

LucieMorningstar · 09/10/2018 22:09

@Crankywitch

Click this link, then click search by key word then click search username

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?showsearch=arch

Hersetta427 · 09/10/2018 22:11

Be very glad you are away from the cf to end all cf's.

We have a friend you looks after ds for forty minutes every morning and for 20 mins twice a week after school. She absolutely won't take any money so every week we buy her something (sometimes it's 2 bottles of Prosecco, this week it was Sauvignon Blanc. a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers). Dh is buying a £100 voucher for her local supermarket before Xmas so she can buy her Xmas food. Hopefully we will not be considered cf's.

Sugarformyhoney · 09/10/2018 22:12

I was in the exact same situation many years ago. Dd was gutted and I was really hurt.
Anyway I stopped the free childcare and took Dd and a friend to a hotel for s sleepover and a lovely girly time on party day 👏🏻👏🏻

DieBabySharkDie · 09/10/2018 22:13

I have only read the original post but WTF!!!! Absolutely a CF! Stop all help now and even if daughter gets invited, refuse the invite and sever all contact that is possible. Teach them they can’t do this and then regret it when they lose out on childcare by giving a flimsy invite to try to make up for it. But most importantly teach YOUR DAUGHTER that people don’t get to treat her like that and walk all over her. She will remember this for the rest of her life and it could be a pivotal moment that will make her strong or a doormat!!!
Fucking c**ts!

LovingJackD · 09/10/2018 22:14

Hersetta - are you kidding me? That is CF to the highest level! Even worse than the original CF on here, how on earth can you think otherwise!

... only kidding. You sound lovely really GrinWink

Loonoon · 09/10/2018 22:24

She’s not a CF, she’s a total grabby, using bitch. Your poor DD. I am glad you are ending the situation.

steppemum · 09/10/2018 22:24

I have only read the original post but WTF!!!

on a thread 29 pages long with 708 messages it is VERY ANNOYING to just read the Op and then post.

THE THREAD HAS MOVED ON

It is the height of internet bad manners.
Read all the OPs updates, it is not difficult, go into settings and get the OPs post highlighted in a colour, and then read those, at the very least you will know what is going on

DieBabySharkDie · 09/10/2018 22:35

steppemum

You’re right, I’ve now read all the posts (well the ones in green from OP) but the OP made my blood boil so much I couldn’t wait and it was upsetting. In fact I’m a little embarrassed I didn’t read the whole thread but I didn’t realise it was so big until I had posted because I was so quick to jump into the comments section and have my annoyed say! Sorry to have bored you.

OP, well done for how u have handled it and please start another thread when this one runs out of room - I’m sure you will have lots to tell us as I can’t see this being the end of CFer’s escapades!

Kate0902900908 · 09/10/2018 22:39

O M G ! ! !

This type of childcare before and after school is saving them at least £100 a week.
A child minder would cost them at least £400 a month.

I would ring her up and explain, your child is you priority and she is upset at not being invited to the party and because of this you won’t be able to offer free child care anymore!

You are right in the sense if you can do someone a favour you should but she is taking the piss out of your kindness you have done enough and it’s time to stop.

I once watched my friends son, she never ever took the piss always turned up on time and took my life and priorities into account.

This women is treating you and your daughter like shit.

Don’t let her walk all over you! I have no idea why she wouldn’t invite the child her daughter spends most time with!!!
Mind blown

Hersetta427 · 09/10/2018 22:43

Lovingjack you had me very worried for a second !! Phew.

fifig87 · 09/10/2018 22:45

Anyone else dying to know who brings and picks up the child on Thursday?

Cheeky bitch. But I suspect there is a few of them around. There is one local to me. Her ds suddenly started arriving up there a few weeks ago to walk with me in the mornings (another neighbours child walks with us, no onus on me what's so ever to bring him and if I'm stuck his mam brings them). Managed to put a stop to it because i know she has form then for looking to borrow money, everyone to get her kids to and from school etc. Feel bad for the child but really didn't want to be dragged into her shit. She then went around telling people she had to stop me bringing him because i wouldn't go into the shop in the mornings to get his lunch.....

UnknownStuntman · 09/10/2018 22:47

Kate your mind isn't as blown as mine. Did you really think that no one had told the OP not to let the CF walk all over her? None of the previous 700 posts might have mentioned that. All 700 have said just that if you'd have had the courtesy of reading the thread or the Ops posts at least.

MNHQ should be giving temporary bans for this bullshit.

GreenTulips · 09/10/2018 22:49

I would ring her up and explain

Have you cancelled the cheque?

steppemum · 09/10/2018 22:53

Kate0902900908

Kate dear, do read the post just 2 above yours. The one where someone is told to
READ THE THREAD.

Really people? This page is littered with people who can't read?

Cantdoitallperfectly · 09/10/2018 22:56

Do you think if CF is a mumsnetter she has RTFT? Or is she ignoring and hoping it'll all go away? Can you IMAGINE the shame?! And it's trending..

Kate0902900908 · 09/10/2018 23:00

Just read the update!
Well done you!
Please know you didn’t put another child before your own as you said in a previous reply you have shown your children helping people is a good thing to do and now you have shown how you have to stand up for yourself in life when people are unkind and ungrateful
I don’t know you but it’s thanks to people like you a lot of people can go to work with free selfless sacrifices to help out others.
Hope you enjoy the weekend!!

CF READING THIS - shame on you.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 09/10/2018 23:00

CF friend - you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Flowers from me, but they ought to be from CF.

MunkeeBum · 09/10/2018 23:11

Well at least there wasn't a showdown at the school gates.

Enjoy your free time with your DD now OP :)

crimsonlake · 09/10/2018 23:11

Possibly she was stunned and shocked when you told her, hence no reaction. By the afternoon it may have started sinking in that it is a repercussion of her actions. Sounds as though she viewed your help more as a business arrangement rather than a result of a friendship. If that was the case she owes you big bucks.

EmilyR1984 · 09/10/2018 23:13

following (in case there's more to come!)

Mymycherrypie · 09/10/2018 23:14

I think there is still time for a showdown at the school gates and it will most likely happen when this CF has to pay real childcare costs and fully grasps what she’s lost. OP, protect yourself. If people ask, be entirely honest, you’ve nothing to be frightened of, this woman sounds like a blood sucker. My bet is that she will have a sob story to boot.

Hellomatey001 · 09/10/2018 23:21

Word of warning. She might have seemed cold or nonchalant when you ended the childcare but please be prepared that she may text/call you one day in tears, claiming some emergency and attempt to restart the childcare.

I had a similar experience, when giving lifts to a CF. Got the cold shoulder initially when I refused but then one day got the panicked call "please really need your help". And the whole thing restarted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread