Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

You have saved this woman between £3500 and £5000 and she can't even thank you!?

You are well rid!

OP I think the most shocking aspect to me is her reaction when you told her.

Not thank you for all your help it's really appreciated etc. Just a simple ok fine and then not to say anything on pick up?!!!

It's beyond rude especially how much money you have saved this woman over 18 months!

I paid my friend £5 an hour to look after mine. I did have an agreement with a friend that was free but that was for ten minutes once a week. I suspect they started out as best friends in which case it worked. They've obviously not kept up the friendship so it's time to say Sorry, it's not fair on dd anymore as they're no longer good friends. You can use the lack of invite as an example.

I wonder if it was her way of ending the arrangement with you?

An unlikely, ungrateful and quite spiteful way to end an arrangement that has completely benefitted her dont you think? To needlessly upset a little girl and her mother who has saved her a fortune? If that's the reasoning, then it's not being a CF thoughtlessly, it's being a CF deliberately and that's worse imo.

Well done OP.

If the CF is reading this then I hope she realises how unreasonable her behaviour has been and feels ashamed of herself. She should be buying OP a big present to say thank you.

Well done OP, so glad you are out of it, and just 🤣🤣🤣🤣 at the idea of it being her way to end you doing her a monumental favour for 18 months.

What a muppet she is.

Enjoy having your time back.

Mumsnet is so often thread after thread of stuff so petty that people are apoplectic about and then you get something like this: OP you should be furious. Those parents are cunts and I am appalled for you and your daughter. Bless her, I hope you both have fun at the cinema on Saturday.

I would invoice them for the hours you’ve done. Perhaps that’ll make this family think about how much you’ve done for them. It could be that they’re completely unaware; but I wouldn’t let this free childcare arrangement continue

Just explain that, as your daughters are older and aren't close friends anymore, your dd is finding it increasingly hard to understand why shes always at your house when she might prefer to have other friends over. Say you've been really happy to help up to now but need to either make it a formal paid arrangement or she needs to make other plans (which is better option) to avoid upsetting dd. Say if her and dd become close again, you'll happily have her over. I think you're well within your rights to do that and it should hopefully avoid ill feeling, particularly if you make the Birthday party a non-issue. Good luck x

Flipping heck this is bad. So awful. Please, please end your false friendship. Please don’t forgive if they try to make amends as their free childcare is too much of a loss. Do this after the party as others have said however. Teach your DD that you don’t have to accept mistreatment in life ...

Well done op, what a CF. School wrap around care around here costs £16 a day. You’ve saved her an absolute fortune. The least she could have done is take you out to lunch/buy you a nice bottle of wine each month. I used to do a days childcare for free for my sister for nearly 2 years but I was treated to nice things often and knew I was appreciated. You are better off rid, enjoy your weekend with your dd.

I’m glad you’ve stood firm OP

But I get the feeling it isn’t going to end there. She will either turn up tomorrow morning or call with a family emergency.

Continue staying firm

If she does start any playground trouble you can honesty just say “She wasnt very grateful that I was feeding and having her kid for 10+ hours a week for free, so I ended it.”

I doubt she’ll get many offers after that.

Well done, OP , and it it absolutely better without a drama on her side.
As entertaining as it might be on the internet, real life is different.
You told her it was over. Good, now you can move on with your DD.
Double win

and tell CF that in future it will cost a minimum of £'X' if the kid continues to come regularly

I would invoice them

only if OP is a registered childminder.
How many threads have people posting "And I'd tell them my fee is £10/hour"

My NDN is a CM. Not something to undertake lightly and costs ££ to set up.

They are proper cheeky fuckers, stop the child minding asap.

My mother was the cheeky fucker who didn't invite her adult children to her second wedding

OMG you do all that for them, and what do you get in return, the party invite aside. They are complete CF's

I can't believe anyone that's a MNer would think this was ok, I'm glad you've finished it. That would be rude even if she was paying you to mind her dc! Have a great time with your dd & enjoy the more chilled time you'll have from now on!

This was me 16 years ago, I worked school hours to benefit my DS, then aged 8. I was asked by CF mum, as a one off, to pick her DC up which then became a regular thing several times a week. I initially did this out of kindness, which then became a burden, but I stupidly felt obliged.

My final straw was when I found out she complained to the school about my DS wanting to play with her DC at playtime!! Good enough for free childcare but not good enough to be friends with at school!

All these years on it still makes me so angry that I let this happen and it affect my DS and I really wish that I had called her out on her shitty behaviour.

Glad to hear your update though!

Well done OP! Hope you and your DD enjoy being free of CF and her not very pleasant daughter. Can’t believe she didn’t even thank you for all the free childcare you’ve given, you’re well rid.

Can people not learn to fucking read? There were 500 reasonable posts and now there's another hundred telling OP to stop the child care twelve fucking hours after she has done just that.

Do.yoi people seriously not think that whatever twee comments you might have might not have been already espoused before the situation has been sorted?

"I know, lest post repetitive bullshit just so I can say I told her what to do". Should be a comprehension test before people are allowed to reply to a post - or at the very least the reply option should only be available on the last post on the thread.

unknown I've tried that - but I've realised the trouble is, telling people to RTFT before posting with what they think is 'a unique insight' 700 posts in, is a bit wasted on people who don't FRTFT! 😂

Have they always gone to each other’s parties then? Fair enough that they can invite who they like, and as you said your dd didn’t particularly want to spend her time with the other girl so it’s a fair assumption that she didn’t want to spend time with your dd either. She might not have wanted your dd at her party but how bloody bitchy to say so. That apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Your poor dd.

No way. If someone hurt my little girls feelings and excluded her like that they would not be coming round to the house anymore. The parents can make other arrangements, and their daughter can go elsewhere, your little girl can not.

I can’t believe the cheek!