Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

"You've saved her a fortune in child care and she couldn't even pay for a party space. The mind boggles, I just cannot understand some people's mindset."

Exactly what I was thinking, @psicat.

@Penelopeee - well done for cutting off the cheeky fucker - you and your dd deserve much better treatment than what she's given you and her dd has given your dd!!

I don't like the way CF's child is being called shitty kid....but other than that - hooray to OP!!

Agree crunchie. It's not nice.

The child may have behaved poorly, in fact she has, but her parents are responsible for enabling it.

I agree - fine to call the child's behaviour shitty, but not fine to call the child shitty - hate the sin, not the sinner.

She is going to find things very difficult moving forward, because in my experience 7 am childcare simply does not exist where I live. In areas where it does it’s very expensive and hard to get; most childminders do not want to start work that early, and who can blame them.
I too winced at calling a 7 year old that name, her behaviour maybe awful, and I can understand how upsetting it is to see your daughter treated in such a way, but really, what chance does she stand with the role model her mother is?

I am fully behind the op, she was getting totally used and the friend was indeed a CF of the highest order and it was extremely mean to exclude her DD from the birthday party but I don't think it's appropriate to call a 7 year old shitty kid

You'd think she'd at least offer a half-arsed thank you! Clearly she was raised in the gutter and has no morals and no values, and her daughter seems to not fall far from the tree. Wouldn't you think she'd have some sense of conscience and awareness. Sad thing is her child will learn that it's ok to treat people like that. Karma will catch up with her.

Yes I could maybe have found another word to use for CFs DD. She’s not a bad kid, no more so than mine!
I think it is a case that they are not actually friends as such and rub each other up the wrong way in life. They have been forced to spend time together through no fault of either of theirs.

I apologise and shall refrain from calling the child names.

what chance does she stand with the role model her mother is?
The role model both CF parents are. Just because the dad made his DD say thank you at door, doesn't make him any less culpable, he was perfectly aware he, his wife & DD were taking huge advantage of OP and her family and not offering any kindness or help back.

It takes a particular self centredness for either parents to have not insisted on finding any help they could do back.

Wow, this has been the best and most
satisfying thread I have read on here in a long time! It has it all, the issue, the advice, the encouragement and the outcome.

The cherry on top would be the CF friend coming on to say she has now realised the error of her ways and that the OP will be recompensed in some way for all she has done for her.

Have a lovely time at the cinema this weekend OP. You've done yourself a huge favour this week. Time to celebrate!!

Wow that’s one very CF! Well done OP for putting a stop to it. It’s horrible feeling used but unfortunately for every genuine person in the world there’s probably a CF out there to take advantage. Good example to show your DD that you don’t need to put up with people’s shit behaviour.

I called her a spiteful little shit too. I retract that to being the child whose behaviour is spiteful and shitty rather then the child being a shit.

Here's hoping though with a mum like that she doesn't grow up to be a shit, as her mum was.

She is really a CF.
That’s why it’s not a good idea to get into an arrangement such as this

Slightly disappointed. I was going to suggest you told your friend that as the children clearly don't get along, that I wouldn't want to submit her DD to my DD's presence and behaviour anymore.

AAaggghh a Happy Ending.. enjoy your own child now OP

Well done OP and good riddance CF!

I doubt she will let her free childcare go that easily.

Well fuckety fuck..!!! Well done OP...I bet it feels like you can breathe again doesn't it. ?
Nice one girlie..

What a horrible situation, it’s time to loose this so called friendship now, your just being used for convenience, your poor daughter. Just say you can’t help out with the school run anymore. It’ll probably be hard for you because you sound like a lovely person but you need to put your daughter first.

Read at least some of the thread @yasmin0147 !! OP has already sorted it.

I reckon it might be wishful thinking that you'll hear from the husband over the next few days

Well if you are reading this "friend" then have the decency to thank the OP with WORDS at the very least, and dig in to how much she has saved you with a lovely gift to her and her family. If not then shame on you and the poor lessons you are teaching your DD.

Cheeky Fucker is slightly too kind/lighthearted a term for her.

She’s a bitch.

Well done OP but I’m betting you’ll be called on to help out with an “emergency” in the very near future...

I definitely don’t think the kid is to blame. She’s was a bit off rubbing it in about ops dd not being invited but she is too young to fully understand what a MASSIVE favour the op has been doing her family.
Unless the dd hated the ops child (in which case she wouldn’t have been sending her to her house every other day) then the parents should have made sure their child invited the ops dd.
The party invitation is only such a small thing but it’s just brought to the fore that despite the op going out of her way and being out of pocket helping out with a hell of a lot of childcare they couldn’t even do the small thing of inviting her dd to a party out of courtesy.
I actually agree with the pp who said that she would be reluctant to do the amount of childcare the op has been doing even for family and I consider myself pretty helpful - minding kids in emergencies and hosting lots of play dates etc.
I’m so glad the op has told the cf where to go.