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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
Mountainsided · 09/10/2018 16:57

Huge well done for standing up to her OP!

CF - as you’re clearly aware of this thread, you’ve recognised yourself and unfortunately so will all the other mums at the school. So be a doll and show up with tagged worlds biggest bouquet of flowers and spa vouchers in the playground to say Thankyou to the OP for all her free childcare, on the understanding she will not be reinstating it.

KC225 · 09/10/2018 17:14

How did it go at pick up OP. Did CF great you with a big bunch of thank you flowers?

DeniseRoyal · 09/10/2018 17:32

Whaaaaat???!! These people are horrible, rude, cf's!! They are completely taking the piss and their daughter is now following suit. As someone else said, I would wait until after the party and text them saying that you will no longer continue with the arrangement, it no longer suits. Do not give an explanation, NO it doesn't suit is enough. Your poor daughter will be much happier, as will you. Good luck Flowers

Angel75 · 09/10/2018 17:33

Wow... Tell her your situation has now changed (you DO NOT have to give details) and you will no longer be able to continue with current arrangement. You've been nice enough for long enough.

Twinkle7 · 09/10/2018 17:35

YOU ARE BEING FUCKED RIGHT OVET!! THEM TO FUCK OF!!

PrimalLass · 09/10/2018 17:36

People - RTFT.

Honeycake50 · 09/10/2018 17:41

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

jwalkden · 09/10/2018 17:42

Yeah - I would stop with the unpaid childminding - especially after this. Sadly it would seem you were being used. You live n' learn I guess.

showmewhatyougot · 09/10/2018 17:46

I'm glad your DD gets to have a lovely treat at the cinema with her mummy, that's much better then fake friends! X

All these threads really make me dread my children getting bigger :(

But I'm betting this won't be the last of it! cf'ers are a very entitled bunch, and she won't be paying for real childcare anytime soon, sure other "good friends" may offer the odd day at first, but that will run dry, and she will come a running, trying to pay you off etc it's so cringey.

Well done for standing up to her x

Original poster
Penelopeee · 09/10/2018 17:48

This afternoons pick up CF had got there first, our eyes met. I decided to smile and wave first, why wouldn’t I.
She nodded and her mouth turned up slightly, not enough to call it a smile Hmm

Don’t think she’s done any bitching yet as every other parent was exactly the same as always..... I ‘think’ my daughter and I are well liked at school as a whole, I greet all parents I see there from our class. Daughter doesn’t have beef with anyone other than the usual 7/8 year old girls stuff which is discouraged.

I don’t think the worst has occurred yet. I think there is crap to come. But how much crapper can it get than having the piss taken out of me and my DD for 18mth?!

When my daughter came out I whispered in her ear that we weren’t having CF DD anymore and her face lit up, she grinned and skipped all the way home.

I almost skipped with her ❤️

OP posts:
niugboo · 09/10/2018 17:48

Hell no you are not unreasonable. Knock that right on the end head.

nearlythesummer · 09/10/2018 17:49

It's unbelievably rude and hurtful. I would just explain how hurt your daughter is about it and say that you can't have her being upset and therefor can't look after their child. You have to look after your own child.

Tinkerbell1980 · 09/10/2018 17:50

OP - well done for standing up for yourself and showing such a good example to your DD that you won't be taken for granted and that she is your priority.

CF - if you are here, this lady has done more for you and your daughter than I would ever ask of another human being. Buy her some flowers, thank her for all she has done, draw a line under this. Think yourself lucky she provided you with 18 months of free childcare, and your daughter a safe home environment where she is fed, entertained and cared for. I hope you realise what you've lost through your selfishness.

niugboo · 09/10/2018 17:50

Just saw update. Go you!

Spellcheck · 09/10/2018 17:51

Well done OP for telling the cheeky cow so calmly and without smacking her full in the face. People like her really boil my piss.
You, however, sound lovely.

simiisme · 09/10/2018 17:52

Your daughter should not have to put up with the spiteful little cow any longer. Home should be a sanctuary.
The childcare should be ended immediately & tell the parents that it's because their daughter delights in being mean to your DD.
Then give her a big hug and take her out on the day of the party - cinema and an ice cream, or something else that she'd like to do.

Sausagehead · 09/10/2018 17:53

OMG I am.gobsmacked. You are saving her not only tons of money but a heap of stress.I am outraged on your behalf. If you continue to provide free childcare you are a total mug. i just cannot believe that someone could do this.

Leeds2 · 09/10/2018 17:54

Well Done! And I bet your daughter feels good too.

Dollymixture22 · 09/10/2018 17:54

Is it sad that I want to know what alternate childcare arrangements cf ill put in place🤓

Petalflowers · 09/10/2018 17:57

I wonder how soon it will be before cf persuades another mum to look after her dc, probably with ‘woe is me’ stories.

Sussedyouout · 09/10/2018 17:57

Wow! I’m truly shocked OP!! 💐
Good on you, don’t have anymore to do with them.....you’re poor DD. 💝
And I do hope the CF is reading all the comments on here, save you telling her in the flesh - nasty bitch!

MmeBoulaye · 09/10/2018 17:57

This has enraged me! She’s a definite CF. My DS is now at secondary school and I look back and think how much of a mug I was too, during his primary school years. I behaved similarly, always happy to step in and help other parents with school pickups and providing tea once in a while. I took his BF after school for 2-3 hours once a week for 2 years, but the mum was hard work and never showed much appreciation. I once got a bottle of wine as an end of year thank you and another time a lavender plant without its original decorative pot, just a plastic one. And she never reciprocated play dates or tea in return. I thought it was a nice thing for my DS, but why was I such a mug?! She’s an original CF.

ToftyAC · 09/10/2018 17:59

Fuck that shit off! I had a brilliant career, but for family/personal reasons had to pack it in. I earn £120 a week, the 15 hours free child care is down 11 PW because I do a stretched place and so have to pay £25 a week from my paltry amount for childcare. Never would I ever expect a friend to do permanent freebies. I couldn’t stand the shame! You’ve been a wonderful friend to a couple who aren’t just cheeky fucks of the worst order but are rude, thoughtless and entitled. Fuck em off and enjoy your own family. If you ever move to Cheshire - come be my friend ;-)

ThanosSavedMe · 09/10/2018 17:59

Well done op. You’ve done an amazing thing for you and your dd

Don’t blame yourself for allowing this to happen. You’re a decent person and would never do this to someone so it would t enter your mind that someone else would. It’s also like a (I think it’s called) boiling frog. Put a frog in boiling water they’ll jump out immediately. Put them In Cold water and raise the temperature over time they don’t notice.

BlueJava · 09/10/2018 18:00

That's horrible for your DD! I'd be finding myself otherwise engaged when asked to look after the child.