Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

Friends should help each other out if I’m a position to do so.

The key part of this OP is 'help each other'.

Tell them to piss off immediately. Letting yourself be used is bad for you and is even worse for your daughter who'll see people treating you like this and will presume it's normal (and will let herself be treated the same way in the future). Kind people like you need to keep your wits about you to keep arseholes like this couple at bay. Of course it's great to help friends but it has to be a two-way arrangement.

Good for you. You did the right thing.

This was similar to last week's thread, but in that the woman had a couple of kids and her MIL, this is a party event, you helped organise it and STILL she thought it OK to snub you/your DD.

Stuff her. I wonder if this is the last you'll hear of it, somehow I doubt it.

Ooh sorry, thought I'd read to the end!

Well done OP

Glad you have done it. I would be on your guard though. She may well have the day to stew over it and become worked up for pick up.

Well done OP. CF is a complete cunt to act that way and her daughter is a spiteful little shit to taunt your daughter like that. Sounds like a bully in training.

Oh dear I did the not reading the whole thread .... BUT.... I've just come back to say ...

Hi cheeky fucker friend, little wave 👋🏻 Go find somebody else to take the piss out of & learn your brat child some manners 👍🏻 Oh and stop relying on others to fund your career by escaping paying/contributing childcare costs. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself! A bit of shopping, the odd box of chocolates/ thank you present would not have gone a miss here... but cheeky fuckers like you don't think of things like that do you?! You just carry on taking the piss!

Enjoy freedom & your night at the cinema OP. Well done

" I suspect CF is going to be livid about the fact her daughters actions were the catalyst for it."

Yes, could be.

CF was so calm though-she's maybe already got someone lined up!

Idk, maybe this was the daughter's way of stopping the arrangement.

Well done. Must be a huge relief to you, weight off your shoulders. Your daughter will be very happy too.

Very glad the party was not mentioned so there can be no repurcussions from friend’s daughter (as well there shouldn’t be in the first place).

Do use as a learning experience though. Set boundaries. Helping us good, but for the one off events, not long term.

Bloody hell I've just found this thread and am livid on both you and your dd's behalf!!

How dare people like this CF intrude upon your family for 18 months without so much as a thank you or any reciprocation!

She did ask why and I just replied “it doesn’t suit my family anymore”. She said it’s fine and walked off.

She walked off? Rude, ungrateful bitch!!
I'd have been massively tempted to run after her and give her a good hiding!!!

I think the realisation will slowly set in with you that you've been used in an awful way and unfortunately despite all the good you have done, will come out of this wounded by her when she starts ignoring you and spreading nasty shit.

The moral of the story; never agree to look after other people's kids more than the occasional emergency.

And CF, if you're reading this...you are a classless piece of shit. Karma.

I think she will wait til later and get her DH to text you or come round begging

This won't the the end

Well done.
You are a 🌟

Anyone else think it more likely that CFDD has been blabbing to CFMum how she rubbed it in with OPDD over the party invite? Probably CFMum asked if she had managed to give out invitations discreetly. And then groaned massively when informed otherwise, knowing that the childcare arrangement was going to end. Maybe she's not on MN after all?
Either way, OP, very well done, and you handled it with great dignity.

Can't believe you did that for 18 months, I wouldn't have lasted 18 minutes!

What a horrible woman. You helped her so much and not even as much as a thank you.
You are so well rid of her, let her leech off someone else

Stay strong - I doubt she'll leave it there.

Well done OP and I am actually glad there was no confrontation. If the CF is a MNer then she will have known why anyway. I am sure your DD will be happier.

I think you sound lovely and a thoughtful friend but there are lots of CFers around. Maybe don't dive in offering help all the time without thinking it through first in case you end up in this position again. Presumably if you wanted to become a child minder you would get registered and set yourself up as one. I worked part time so was rarely in a position to offer childcare but did offer lifts to out of school activities which ended up with me being taken advantage of a few times. My mantra was if my DDs wanted a friend home to play on the odd occasion that was fine so long as it wasn't all one sided. Same goes for lifts or drop offs to school. Activities.

I'm surprised there were no confrontation! She must have read this thread!

She's a CF not a CF friend. She's never been your friend just a user

Well I can see why the husband prompted the child to say thank you each time - it's clear her mother wasn't going to teach her appropriate manners, as she has none herself!

Cheeky fucker knew she was taking the piss and one day you would wake up and smell the coffee.

She didn't react because her little cogs were going round trying to think of which sucker she would ask next.
Bet you a party mum gets cornered.

As to CF mum having something else lined up; two other mums only lasted one month and three months respectively - who is she going to have the next "tearful conversation" with? It sounds as if the sense of entitlement is so ingrained, she can't even take the hint when previously binned off. I suspect other mums in the playground will be bracing themselves and vowing not to be the next sucker.
If a belated invitation arrives (she's so brass-necked, it's possible) you can truthfully decline with regrets as you already have (bigger, better, shinier) plans for Saturday.
I know that you are not a vindictive person, Penelopee, but as well as enjoying a lovely Saturday with your daughter for its own sake, please ensure that she has some really good bragging rights to take into school on Monday, to outshine the party to which she was not invited. A little something from her cinemas trip, like special sweeties, to give to her friends? A lovely new -piece of plastic tat- little related souvenir from the film?

Well done OP have a lovely time on Saturday

I've only just seen this thread, but just wanted to say well done op. She is indeed a CF and I'm glad you've put a stop to it. I can't help thinking she'll have more to say to you once she's gone off and had time to think. I wouldn't be surprised if you have another update for us after you next happen to see her.

Well done OP!
I had something similar happen to me. I would regularly help out other school mums as I work from home so I could take my kids to school. I was befriended by a mum who had a daughter in my son’s reception class. I see now she very much targeted me and I did actually believe we were friends. There was never an arrangement that I would take her daughter to school but she turned up on my doorstep one morning and dropped her off. I know I was foolish but I thought it was a one off and then she came the next morning and before I knew it she was dropping her 3 days a week and I collected her from school each night and fed her. I was too embarrassed to say no and also I wanted to help her out as I thought she was a friend.
Her son then started the following year and I then had them both in morning and after school. The kids were rude to my two kids and they never said please or thank you but they were small kids so didn’t want to be too harsh on them. As the years progressed (I know I was a total mug) her daughter and my son had 3 joint parties which I funded and organised. There was never any thank you just an expectation I guess. I fed them, gave them toys and clothes, gave them lifts and the mum became part of my close circle. She even took on extra work without checking with me first and then added more days for me to do her school runs and collections which got later.

When my son moved up to juniors which is at a different gate at later time I said I could not do the drop and collection anymore as it wouldn’t work for us. At that moment she was really rude and really horrible to me and started ignoring me - literally nose in the air and turning away from me. A week later my son came home from school and was devastated that he didn’t get an invite to her daughter’s party when all of his class had an invite. I was so gutted and felt so ashamed of myself ( I still feel ashamed that I had let this woman control me for so long and it ended up hurting my children) I realised that this woman actually never really liked me but had been using me for free childcare. She took my time away from my children and I feel so foolish.
Since then I made a vow to myself, my children and my family that they come first. Time with my family is precious and it's very fleeting. I only have myself to blame for being weak and letting this CF walk all over me and my kids (for so long) I have learnt a valuable life lesson and I will never make it again ever. As an earlier posted said - true friendship flows both ways. Enjoy your freedom and time with your kids xx

ArtNotDishes

Bloody hell what a hard nosed cow that woman is. You sound lovely. I wonder who her next victim will be?

Well done Penelopeee. I’m sorry you were taken advantage of. Can’t believe CF couldn’t squeeze out a thank you. Disgusting behaviour altogether. You’ve behaved very well and you’ve shown your daughter the best way to conduct yourself in a CF situation.