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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:

twiglet · 09/10/2018 11:05

Glad to hear you've sorted it out.

In relation to following career it's perfectly possible its a case of actually arranging and paying for a child minder or after school club rather than using the good nature of people around you.

That's what the childcare vouchers/scheme helps with!

Cantdoitallperfectly · 09/10/2018 11:12

@Pinkyyy that's a lovely idea.

Sadly allowing this kind of behaviour at that age is setting a code for future behaviour - bitchiness, purposefully excluding others and basically being unkind. CF sounds incredibly rude and clearly has no manners. Consider yourself well rid.

Wishing you and your daughter a lovely relaxing weekend.

Snog · 09/10/2018 11:13

Well done OP!
Your dd will be so happy, enjoy your time with your kids. True friendship flows both ways and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.

CF has saved thousands of pounds in childcare so is presumably delighted about that and probably amazed it lasted it long as it did. Hopefully everyone else she tries to freeload off has also read this thread and sees her coming.
Whole new level of CF, more like the psychopath next door.

SparkyBlue · 09/10/2018 11:14

OP I would be genuinely surprised if this this the end of this. I reckon once the reality sinks in she will be back with another tale of woe. I reckon she will also pretend to be surprised that your DD isn't at the party.

HmmmWellAllRightyThen · 09/10/2018 11:16

You should have condescendingly prodded her for a thank you the way the father did his rude daughter to thank you.

Great job though. Hope she enjoys paying for 12 hours of childcare a week now.

Nofilter · 09/10/2018 11:18

Well done OP!

Are you going to be similarly brave with all the other mums now? You really don't need to be taking care of other people's children!

sallievp · 09/10/2018 11:22

She is a total cow!!!!!!
For once I hope this thread is picked up by a newspaper so the whole of the UK can see what a total CF she is!!
You sound a lovely kind person...please update us next week ..we are all behind you.

letsdothetimewarpagain · 09/10/2018 11:22

She isn't a CF, CF implies some element of mischievous naughtiness. She's an entitled, rude, superior bitch who think her time and priorities are more valuable and important than anyone else's and clearly doesn't care if she treats people around her like shit, even those doing her an enormous favour. She will end up a very sad, lonely and bitter old woman.
Well done OP for putting her in her place with dignity. You and your daughter will be able to enjoy each other's company so much more now. Have a lovely time at the cinema together x

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 09/10/2018 11:22

Op you've handled this brilliantly. You didn't even shy away from telling her to her face. Well done you. Your daughter has her home back. The woman is raising the next generation of cf

diddl · 09/10/2018 11:25

" I suspect CF is going to be livid about the fact her daughters actions were the catalyst for it."

Then perhaps she should have made sure that Op's daughter was invited, or offered to do something with the girls as a thank you!

Even if it'll cost them from now on-they should still be enormously grateful for what Op has saved them.

Snowymountainsalways · 09/10/2018 11:27

Op this is just so hurtful and nasty. I would double check the facts (I never rely on children) but assuming friend's DD is right then of course your free childcare stops. I am amazed you have allowed this all to continue for this long. 7am drop off!! You are clearly a nice person but you seriously need some

B.O.U.N.D.A.R.I.E.S

As of yesterday.

diddl · 09/10/2018 11:28

Or actually they should have thought that if their daughter didn't want Op's daughter at her party, then they should stop the arrangement as it wasn't fair on the girls to be spending so many hours together?

Let alone that they were so far into taking the piss territory!

They're just not decent people!

Bearbehind · 09/10/2018 11:29

Then perhaps she should have made sure that Op's daughter was invited, or offered to do something with the girls as a thank you!

Totally agree diddl but CF's don't actually think their behaviour is wrong, otherwise they wouldn't do it.

I'm just saying I suspect CF is going to be mightily pissed off that her DD telling OP's DD she's not invited to her party is going to have such huge repercussions.

Snowymountainsalways · 09/10/2018 11:31

Looks like CF bank balance is not going to look so healthy now she has to pay out for lots and lots of childcare. There is a special place in hell for CF like her taking advantage of other people's kindness. Good on you op.

RayRayBidet · 09/10/2018 11:37

@TheMonkeyMummy
You and your friend sound lovely.
Well done op. Whenever I gear up for a confrontation I am always deflated.
Bet you feel better now.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 09/10/2018 11:47

Nice one Penelopeee 👏😎

I agree with PPs about CF being ‘meh’ about it - it’s an occupational hazard of being a CF that you get sussed sometimes.

I bet within 2 weeks you’ll be seeing another mum doing CF family’s school run for free for them 🙄

HavelockVetinari · 09/10/2018 11:55

This thread has been a delight! Well done OP, you have gained your MN 'Standing Up to Cheeky Fuckers' badge.

billybagpuss · 09/10/2018 11:55

Cf prob thinks you are the cf and is complaining to anyone that will listen that you dropped her in it for having the hump over not getting a party invite and plastering it all over the internet.

But cf you are rude and should treat people better.
Well done OP, CF your DD also needs to learn treat people with more respect and to do that you need to lead by example.

CottonSock · 09/10/2018 11:58

Well done. Must have been stressful so good work telling her to her face

AnotherOriginalUsername · 09/10/2018 12:00

20+ pages and a unanimous agreement with the OP? That's got to be a MN first and worthy of some sort of award, surely?

(Waves to CF)

RhythmStix · 09/10/2018 12:04

Well done OP, although am I awful in feeling a bit deflated that there wasn't a big confrontation?

You will love having more time to yourself and your own family without a greedy grabby entitled twat and her unfortunate dd muscling in on it. (yes I'm looking at you, CF!)

Charlottesshoezzzz · 09/10/2018 12:11

I would wait until after the party as @Roussette suggested. I wouldn't kick up a fuss before as you need to confirm that your daughter isn't invited by choice rather than being forced ( by you intervening) which is what will happen if you bring it up beforehand.

Cheeky fuckery of the highest cheeky fuckery kind.

This is a test. Say nothing. Wait out until said party date. If the mother has any morals she would invite your daughter regardless of the child's wishes. Wait out OP, don't say anything yet.

Roussette · 09/10/2018 12:12

Too late Charlotte, OP has had 'words'. TBH although I said waiting until party was over, it's horrible having A Difficult Conversation hanging over your head and sometimes you just want it sorted like now !

SandAndSea · 09/10/2018 12:17

Well done, OP!

LurkingWaspi · 09/10/2018 12:21

Hurray for Penelopeee
We are all really proud of you, I'm so pleased that you are: FREE AT LAST!
Have a lie in, more fun with DD, and feel that weight fall off your shoulders.
Please don't let CF guilt trip you into any more freebies! What a user!

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