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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
Roussette · 09/10/2018 10:11

Well done.

She should be coming round with a huge bouquet of flowers, champagne and a voucher for the best restaurant near to you for dinner for 2 all paid for.

CF I'm looking at you. Do it. Regain some plus points.

Dollymixture22 · 09/10/2018 10:11

Wow, so there was a solution to her childcare needs, it just wasn’t to her and her husbands liking. Using you was easier.

I do think you were a bit culpable in all this as you made it so easy for her to abuse your good nature. But, she must have known it was a massive abuse of your good will. I’m glad it’s over.

Hope your daughter enjoys the cinema

snop · 09/10/2018 10:12

Your daughter would be the first person I would invite, I can't believe any decent mother would not think along the same lines, if she doesn't get an invite I would definitely be telling her you can't do childcare anymore.

Nanasueathome · 09/10/2018 10:12

I’m looking forward to Thursday now, when the dad ‘tries’ to drop the child in at 7am
He is probably totally unaware of what’s going on
Then again, he could have also dipped into his pocket and treated the OP at any time

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/10/2018 10:13

Good job OP ! 😄 Have a great weekend with your lovely little girl, who knows exactly how much her Mummy loves her !

Original poster
Penelopeee · 09/10/2018 10:13

Hahaha I did think it was an anti climax myself. I had worked myself up ready for a proper full on confrontation with loads of wicked comeback comments.

She’s took 18mths of my time off me, endless food for her DD, upsets my girl and then denies me the morning I had planned. CF indeed Wink

OP posts:
Mummyundecided · 09/10/2018 10:13

Well done, OP!
CF, if you’re reading this, you’ve had more out of the OP than you ever deserved. I hope you give her the enormous thank you for all the unpaid childcare she’s given you to date. Chocolates, wine, etc would be a start.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2018 10:14

Wow well done you. What a cheeky fecker, not even a thank you, or appreciation that you have saved them 18 months worth of childcare. I think that she was expecting that, and maybe has other unsuspecting people lined up to take your place. You are well rid.

64BooLane · 09/10/2018 10:17

Wow!

You’re well rid. Have a lovely time at the cinema with your dd this weekend.

musicalxo · 09/10/2018 10:21

Wow rude AF! So glad you got this over with OP. Enjoy your bonding times with DD from now on :)

Do you think she's going to complain to the other mum "friends"?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/10/2018 10:25

I too think she might have guessed it was coming, whether she saw this thread or not. More likely from the fact that your DD wasn't invited to the party.
Either way, PHEW!! Weight off your shoulders and now your DD doesn't have to have the child in her home so often, if at all. Hope she behaves at school though Hmm

stayathomegardener · 09/10/2018 10:30

Although had she read the thread and recognised herself, would she not have messaged you last night to say she hadn't received your party rsvp yet?
Maybe she has alternative plans and the party was a (bizarre) means of ending your arrangement.

beanaseireann · 09/10/2018 10:31

CF if you are a Mumsnetter you should hang your head in shame.
And go and buy flowers and a voucher for a child friendly restaurant so OP and her family can have a treat on you.

If you don't, may KARMA come back and bite you.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 10:33

I agree, it might be due to the party she knew this was coming, but in addition it doesn't seem thr girls get on too well, so her daughter may have been pressurising her to stop the arrangement. We all know what kids are like.

I'm fairly sure for your daughter not to have been invited there woild have to have been some discussions at home about that. Only a total idiot wouldn't know the upset it would cause. It basically shouts the kids aren't good friends and puts a banner round it.

Either way she was probably expecting it to come to a head. But she was very rude, rude for not saying thanks for everything you've done, rude for the way she used you, saying she was booking in, like you were her employee, and getting you to book the activity in the manner she did.

Whichever way you cut it, she's behaved unpleasantly. As has her child.

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 09/10/2018 10:36

Good Work Penelopeee!

Bacardibabe · 09/10/2018 10:39

She couldn't say anything ad she knows she's a cf and totally in the wrong! What a horrible woman she sounds. No manners either. Just be glad you aren't like that. You handled it with dignity. She took advantage of yr good nature. Start thinking about yrself a bit more in future. Enjoy yr freedom and yr weekendSmile

UserName31456789 · 09/10/2018 10:42

To be honest if you've been doing this for free for 18 months and CF hasn't been grovelling at your feet to thank you - offering free babysitting in return anytime you want, taking your DD out for days out, buying you chocolates etc she's already been a CF all this time she just took it up a notch with the birthday party.

user1467718508 · 09/10/2018 10:45

You sound like a lovely generous friend, @Penelopeee

Hope you and DD have a fab weekend Grin

Dontsweathesmallstuff · 09/10/2018 10:47

Bet you feel a massive weight has been lifted from your shoulders, not just in having to tell her the arrangement has finished but also in the new found freedom to enjoy the time with your daughter and JUST your daughter in the mornings and after school. :) Enjoy.

WhingyNinja · 09/10/2018 10:48

So pleased you've put an end to the exploitation of your kindness and generosity, OP! You're a lovely person and it's a shame people are capable of being so selfish. I hope you and DD have a lovely weekend. Grin

woolduvet · 09/10/2018 10:48

Well done
Just thinking about your Saturday, what about inviting another friend who wasn't invited to the party, possibly a sleep over.
Make it something exciting to discuss on Monday? And start some new friendships

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2018 10:51

Well done OP!

PunishmentSnart · 09/10/2018 10:52

I thought I'd seen it all then someone's CFery never ceases to amaze me.
So, so rude. Good for you OP for stopping this arrangement.

Littlebluebird123 · 09/10/2018 10:53

I'm glad you've spoken to her and been able to end it. I'm so sorry that such a kind and generous thing to do has ended up with you being treated as a doormat.

I know it was an anti climax this morning but I would prepare yourself for her being bitchy about you. You're completely in the right but sadly that doesn't stop some people playing the victim.

I hope you have some real friends you can now invest time in where it's mutual. :)

TheMonkeyMummy · 09/10/2018 10:57

Well done. I hope she reflects on this and becomes a more thoughtful person.
I just remembered a few years back I did this, one afternoon a week, for a friend, for one school year as her childminder couldn't do this one afternoon. My friend tri d to pay but I refused. And so she sent snacks every week, my kids got beautiful beautiful gifts on birthdays and the Christmas (I have four so it was a lot!) AND every now and again chocolates/wine or a treat would be sent my way. I didn't expect any of it but it was nice to know that she appreciated my contribution (her two kids were lovely and no trouble). That's how real friends behave towards each other.

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