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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 09/10/2018 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkprincess1978 · 09/10/2018 08:54

Party aside as I think they are different issues if I'm honest - you are bring used here for free childcare. This isn't doing someone a favour when they are stuck you are being an unpaid childminder! This should stop or they should at least be paying you.

The party is tricky. Yes I think given how much you do for them taking your dd to this activity would be nice. But I can look on it from the other side too. One of my dc's recently had a birthday- money is very tight right now and at first I had said we couldn't afford much in way of a celebration but I ended up selling something so my dc could do something with friends.

He wanted to do something without adults so he paid for 3 friends to go see a film together then back to ours for pizza and a sleep over. It was tightly budgeted he only just had enough money to pay for 4 of them. I then had a rude comment from a family member saying her dc was upset not to be invited. They do a lot for me (but it is reciprocated) but I don't feel like that should be enough to stop my dc spending time with his friends rather than family he sees all the time. Also, her child is younger so wouldn't have been able to go to cinema alone (IMO, I certainly wouldn't have been happy having my dc 'looking after' this child,

HuckfromScandal · 09/10/2018 08:57

I hope that you stay strong and tell this Nasty woman where to go. Xx

DollieBantrysPantry · 09/10/2018 09:09

Good luck for today OP

ShatnersWig · 09/10/2018 09:11

@DollieBantrysPantry (everyone else can ignore this) Surely she was Dolly Bantry? Which would made a better scansion with all three words ending in y? Or am I missing something?

Kahlua4me · 09/10/2018 09:15

I hope it goes well for you this morning and you stay strong and calm.

I am shocked at their behaviour, having you look after their dc on such a regular basis without any thought of giving something in return. That in itself is enough reason for you to stop the arrangement. Add the fact that it doesn’t really suit your daughter anymore, and the party invite, and you have plenty of reasons to stop immediately with not guilty whatsoever.

MrsAJ27 · 09/10/2018 09:18

I can't believe how rude people actually are!!!

Hope it went well 2day OP.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 09/10/2018 09:18

I cannot believe how entitled this CF Mother is. I've read the entire thread and my jaw is dragging on the floor!!!

I hope the meeting this morning in the school yard went well and that you've told CF Mum or CF Dad (whoever was doing drop off) that you're not going to be their unpaid skivvy anymore and that the arrangement has come to an end.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/10/2018 09:19

I hope it went ok this morning. I’m sure it will have been hard as confrontation isn’t nice or easy (especially when you’re a good person like you are) so even if you had a few wobbles do be proud of yourself for standing up to her.

She may have talked you into covering this Thursday and Friday and if you agreed then don’t feel too bad about it because like I said, confrontation is hard and awkward and she may have pulled at your heart strings regarding being left with no childcare at such short notice.

As I said, whatever you have said or agreed upon this morning you should still be proud of yourself for standing up for you and your daughter Flowers

6demandingchildren · 09/10/2018 09:27

Do you get up early during school holidays for this child?
Also do the parents buy you something nice for your birthday and Christmas?
I personally would ignore the door bell on Thursday and when they ask why you didn't let them know then I would say a family matter had arisen and you can no longer offer free childcare.

PrivateDoor · 09/10/2018 09:32

OP if it were me, I would be very honest and say the arrangement isn't working anymore for your dd as CF'sDd has been really quite mean to dd and so the arrangement will have to cease immediately. Don't give her the opportunity to blame this on you! You say that CF'sDd relished telling your dd she wasn't invited - that for me is the reason the arrangement has to stop rather than the actual lack of invite.

Penelopeee · 09/10/2018 09:40

Morning all x

I am totally surprised at how many people have taken the time to reply and for all your advice. Thank you to all.

This morning I asked CF for a quick word (as looked like she was shooting off). I said “just to advise you that as from today I am unable to have shitty kid anymore as it doesn’t suit our circumstances”.

There was NOT a flicker of surprise in her face, nothing. She did ask why and I just replied “it doesn’t suit my family anymore”. She said it’s fine and walked off.

So there was no confrontation, no harsh words and no tears.

I am 100% sure she is a fellow mumsnetter and has read this thread! There wasn’t an ounce of anger/upset/shock in her face so I think she knew what was coming!
Cheeky fucker didn’t even thank me for everything I have done so that concretes it for me.
Can’t wait to tell my girl later when I pick her up as I said last night I would do this week but I decided against it.

Just leaves me to wave and say Hiiiiii to my cheeky fucker ‘friend’ reading this Grin may you have as awesome a weekend as we do 👍🏻

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 09/10/2018 09:42

I’m forever amazed at how entitled people are, and that she didn’t even bother to thank you for all your help!

SandraTheBee · 09/10/2018 09:42

Well done OP. She knew, for sure. I have a CF friend who is similarly rude when she can't get her ounce of flesh from me.

NoSquirrels · 09/10/2018 09:42

Well done, OP.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 09/10/2018 09:43

I hope she has seen this thread and feels thoroughly embarrassed (although people like that never do). Disgusting way to behave and treat a mate.

DollieBantrysPantry · 09/10/2018 09:43

@ShatnersWig yes you are right, I tried with Dolly Bantry but there was a mix up when I registered, no-one else had used it but when I tried to register again it was listed as taken! As I liked it I went for the next best thing with ie

Jesterstolehisthornycrown1 · 09/10/2018 09:43

Oh she has to be here. Hello CF you're a disgrace and your daughter is growing up to be just like you!
Enjoy the movies on sat OP.

ShatnersWig · 09/10/2018 09:44

Hello cheeky fucker!

DollieBantrysPantry · 09/10/2018 09:44

Well done OP 🌺

OKhitmewithit · 09/10/2018 09:45

Ah well, shame she was warned, but hey, she's still a cunt.

mcmooberry · 09/10/2018 09:46

Woo hoo well done!! The might of over 400 fuming supporters was enough to stop you backing out!! Let's hope this serves as a warning for other CFs out there!!

wheresmyhairytoe · 09/10/2018 09:46

Hi Cheeky Fucker! Hope you realise how dreadfully you've behaved.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/10/2018 09:47

I can’t believe she didn’t thank you for everything you’ve done?!

I honestly don’t know how some people can be so rude? Her behaviour is disgusting.

Ungrateful cow.
I’m genuinely shocked at this and I dread to think what kind of person she is in other aspects of her life.

People are generally either nice and kind or they’re not and someone who can treat other people as badly as she’s treated you tells me quite clearly what side of the fence she falls.

I’m so glad for to OP and I think you are going to enjoy having your freedom and your daughter to yourself again very, very much!!

ButtonMoonLoon · 09/10/2018 09:47

What a truly unpleasant woman.
She should be thoroughly ashamed of herself, but you know what, I bet she isn’t.

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