Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
trulybadlydeeply · 09/10/2018 07:08

She's a complete CF, and we'll done on deciding to put a stop to it.

It may be worth having a few responses that you have practised so that you don't have to think too much in the heat of the moment. She will probably try and justify her CFness, or minimise what you have done for her. She may also turn on the tears or get angry, and try and persuade you to carry on.

Practise saying things like "it's not possible for me to do it any more", "I'm unable to continue after this week", "you'll have to make alternative arrangements", or whatever you would like to say in response.

Good luck!

OKhitmewithit · 09/10/2018 07:14

Good luck OP. Hope she doesn’t give you too much shit.

FoxFoxSierra · 09/10/2018 07:18

Op you are LOVELY Thanks

Most people will help out a friend in need and ask for help when they need it but some just take the piss and believe they have a right to expect everything from others, your "friend" sadly is the latter.

MsHopey · 09/10/2018 07:22

Stay strong OP.
While the party thing is a shitty thing to do, it's nothing compared to 18months of free childcare with barely a thank you.
It's leaving you out of pocket and affecting your other kids.
Do not waiver this morning. Tell her 100% it's not happening.
And think of your DDs excited face when you told her she's going to get more time with you.
After work or school we all want to get home and relax and be ourselves, but for 3 days a week for 18 months she's had to smile and entertain a child in her own home who she doesn't always get on with.
It's really not fair on her.

Singlebutmarried · 09/10/2018 07:31

Blimey. What a cheeky mare.

Just wondering, with this sparkly new career does she get glxhild care vouchers? If so have they been used to pay for the party (as quite a few places do accept them)

If so that would elevate her from CF to th CFist of all CFs in CF land EVER.

LittleMissBrainy · 09/10/2018 07:34

Good luck OP, I have read this thread open mouthed at how nice you have been and how cheeky your 'friend' is! No one should expect that amount of free childcare! Stay strong and do exactly as you said, no apologies, no explanations, stay polite and smiley and maybe throw in a MN headtilt if she tries to change your mind! We're behind you!ThanksCakeGin

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 09/10/2018 07:36

Seconding @MsHopey

This woman is not going to be happy. You've already told us how she bitched and cried about the 2 mums who cancelled. She will be annoyed, might get upset... but you owe her nothing. You've given her 18 months of free care while she built up her new career. Now she can afford to pay for wraparound care like the rest of us. You don't owe her anything.

And, most importantly, your daughter want a her home back. It's different when it's once every few weeks and they want to play together, but this girl is not her friend. Not really. So no matter what this woman says, you owe her nothing but you do owe your daughter.

WordWeasel · 09/10/2018 07:42

Good luck, OP. Stay strong.

littlebillie · 09/10/2018 07:42

She is going to be nasty as she is entitled.

Angrybird345 · 09/10/2018 07:47

Good luck, you’re doing the right thing, mo matter what cf says or twists it

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/10/2018 07:47

End the arrangement as from today OP, then it's done with.
Do it for your daughter, but do it for yourself also, in my opinion, the only thing you are guilty of, is being a star. 🌟

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 07:53

Good luck. This is so unbelievably rude. On so many levels. From the way she treats you,,booking you in indeed, to the way the daughter treats your daughter,

Stand firm today. She's probably going to try every trick in the book to make you keep doing it.

MsJolly · 09/10/2018 07:53

Good luck for today!🍀

RhythmStix · 09/10/2018 08:14

If it was me I would say "I'm sorry CF but my circumstances have changed and I can no longer afford it" and leave it at that. What could she say to that? would she offer to start paying? like fuck she would. You'll be safe if you inform her breezily that you can't afford it.

billybagpuss · 09/10/2018 08:15

Good luck today

JessieMcJessie · 09/10/2018 08:17

Can’t believe the shitty child has to be TOLD every day by her father to say “Thank you for having me!”.

ChasedByBees · 09/10/2018 08:19

You’ve saved them thousands of pounds with barely any acknowledgement. Glad you’re ending this.

angieloumc · 09/10/2018 08:24

You and your DD sound lovely OP. CF and her D however really don't.

ShatnersWig · 09/10/2018 08:25

Shame it's taken your DD being so upset to make you realise you've been a total doormat OP. I hope this morning you've wiped the word "doormat" off of your forehead!

I'd end the arrangement immediately. Fuck waiting until later in the week. Gives her the weekend to try and find a solution for next week. Dump her sorry arse now so she has to run around trying to find someone to help later this week.

Ariclock · 09/10/2018 08:27

Good luck op, stay strong as she'll def try to guilt trip you.

SadieAB9 · 09/10/2018 08:31

You're doing the right thing! You have to let us know what she says... I'm dying to know!

dontyouforgetaboutme · 09/10/2018 08:42

jesus OP, am so glad you are ending this insane childcare situation - party or not this woman has been taking the piss.

What i don't get, when I read this and other posts like it, is what these people (the CFers) are like in other aspects in their life? Do they appear otherwise normal? surely if they are CFs of this magnitude they are shits in all parts of their life? Do they have friends? I just don't get it.

Bumblebeans · 09/10/2018 08:45

Good luck today x

AdoreTheBeach · 09/10/2018 08:47

So much great advice. Op please let us know how it goes today

Stick to your guns. You’ve been taken advantage of, your daughter upset. You’re doing the right thing.

RayRayBidet · 09/10/2018 08:50

Good luck OP