Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

Haven't even read past page 1. Tell her to do one!

When my youngest started school, we lived in a village, close with other parents etc. I got a job 6 months into the school year.

Friend said, drop DS off with us, it's not problem to walk him to school. So I did, obviously very grateful. Within 2 months they realised they couldn't cope with coming off nights, sorting their son for school and toddler and my son and said -- sorry we can't have DS any more.

No problem, still friends. I felt guilty, but then, they offered and also said no when it became too much.

You've been too soft and your 'friend' is an absolute arsehole.

This sounds like the other girl actually doesn’t like coming to your house before/after school three times per week, and may not normally choose your DD as a friend. However, her DM will be telling her at home that she has no choice, it’s free childcare, don’t mess it up for me because I need to work, just be quiet and put up with it blah blah.

Then of course, when it’s birthday time, the birthday girls gets to choose whomever she wants as her guests. Lo and behold, your DD (who’s just a child that’s there x3/wk for childcare purposes - from her perspective of course) isn’t invited. Mum feels she has to give the girl what she wants, as it’s her birthday after all. This is the lame reply you’ll get from her should the conversation ever happen (along with “I feel so bad but what can you do 🤷‍♀️“, “I really wanted to be able to invite [your DD] too but you know how tight money is and we just couldn’t stretch the budget that far”, and “well she gets to see your DD so much during the week as it is, we thought it wouldn’t be as special for her as it would be for the other girls” etc etc).

Needless to say, the fault lies 100% with the mum (sounds like the dad at least has a bit of shame?).

Your DD has got it absolutely right. Way to go!!

You sound lovely OP. Agree with everyone else that she’s a CF. Also agree with those who’ve said keep it simple with no explanation. The party isn’t the reason per se, it’s just indicative of how they regard you and your daughter.
Good luck! x

Is it wrong that I REALLY want an update from the OP as to how the CF took it? I’m dealing with a CF in my own life at the moment and I really, REALLY want one of them to get their comeuppance for once!

I would be ending it very clearly.

"Sorry I won't be looking after your daughter anymore. It was on the basis of the girls being friends and doing you a favour, and it was a lot of FREE childcare. In return it appears I got to help book your daughters party, and for her to then turn to DD at school and taunt her for not even getting an invite. I will not be putting my DD through the upset of having her round 3 days a week anymore. I am really angry and disappointed with your meanness to be quite frank."

And hopefully they will suitably embarrassed. I would wait to make sure there's no invitation though.

I've recently had the same with my daughter.....my friends grandaughter is in her class have known each other since nursery I've had her grandaughter round loads of times esp when they have had hospital appointments. My daughter has been diabetic 3 years and since being diagnosed they havenot asked her once to a birthday party even though her grandaughter has come every year to my daughter's every year! CF don't look after them anymore.

Good luck for this morning OP. You’re doing the right thing.

Wow, insanely rude.

Friend's DD has started to take your DD's friendship for granted because she sees so much of her. Your 'friend' should have insisted that your DD was invited and taught her DD about not taking friendships for granted, basic manners and gratitude for all you and your DD do for her.

Silver lining is that this will make it easier for you to end the arrangement with a clear conscience. Do not pay any attention to any subsequent histrionics or badmouthing from your 'friend'; that in itself would be more appallingly rude behaviour.

Oh my Lord! Nasty CF!
How disgusting.
And the fact that she asked you to arrange it and book it, like you're her assistant?

That seems to be how she views you, so she didn't invite your DD.

She be like, oh, yes I'll have Penelopeee get right on that --
like you were her hired helper or something
...only she doesn't even pay you!

I know you've had plenty of feedback, but just wanted to add my suppprt, too.

You must come back and give us the update, pleeeese.
Can you video it?

You will be so happy to have that arrangement done and over with!
More relaxed time with your own DD.
And stick with not offering a reason; and definitely no apology.

We're all behind you, OP!

So horrible for you OP. You sound just lovely and such a wonderful friend. Give your DD a big cuddle and plan to do something nice together. You both deserve it!

Just read the thread totally aghast! I cannot get over OP being used and the way others have been used too.

So glad to hear that you are ending this. Best of all sends a positive message to DD that you can end things.

There are always people that will take the piss. So glad you’re ending this arrangement.

I’d definitely NOT help them out Thursday and Friday.

They are absolutely CF, I can’t believe they didn’t even pay for food! I hope today goes ok.

The party's not the issue (though really annoying). You providing hundreds of hours of free childcare is.

Good grief, what an unutterably stupid woman she is.
She's just whistled a fortune down the wind in free childcare.
I do hope she realises what an utter fuckwit she is VERY soon.

But in the meantime, glad you're shot of her and her CF ways.

Definitely a cheeky fucker who will get a shock when she has to start doing her own childcare or even paying for it.

Another thing that crossed my mind - and I could be way off the mark but still - it's almost as though you and your DD are viewed as "staff" somehow, and while good for helping her out, she wouldn't socialise with you, oh dear me no!

I've also realised that my first post sounds as though I think she was ok to do what she'd been doing if only she'd had the sense to include your DD - I can assure you I do NOT think that at all, I think she's been a very CF for far too bloody long now and it's disgusting that she's behaved this way.

Good for you!

What a CF. Good for you in ending this arrangement let us know what she says?

Gosh , just read whole thread . Selfish woman and agree with thumb sounds like you are staff ! The free childcare is completely cfery and as for the party .....
hope you and your daughter have a lovely time at cinema !!

Good luck

Good luck today OP - stay strong!

Good luck today OP. I'm dying to know what she says!

I had this although without the childcare. My DS played with a brother and sister all the time, friends with both equally. We'd often do things and include them, took their dog when they went on an extended holiday.

On my DS's birthday we were going for pizza and pictures (not an easy or cheap task as we lived on an island) and the 2 kids were invited. The boy was ill and his cf mother asked if we could postpone it!!! We didn't.

Came to the girl's birthday and DS was invited by her, I asked the cf mother what the arrangements were to be told 'it's only girls.' However her DB and his friend (the cf mother was best friends with his DM) were invited.

I pointed out that her DD had invited my DS and was surprised he wasn't invited given all the invites her kids had received, time spent in our house, dog sitting etc. Next day she back tracked and said 'she wouldn't do this to any kid' You just did cf!!!!

I left it for a few days and spoke to my DS about how we both felt about FC's behaviour-no problem with the birthday girl. I then told her he had decided not to attend.

She was a nasty self centred cf who clearly was taking the piss and I remember this every time I see her in the small community. Our kids are in their 20s now.

Good luck OP, sometimes we need to pull on our big girl pants and defend our wee ones!