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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About friend on holiday.

133 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:28

Basically, I holiday to a particular place very often, i used to come here for 6 months of the year but I had a baby beggining of this year so only did 2 weeks in June, August and now.
June and August my mum was with me so it was enjoyable because I had help with the baby if I needed, always had someone to talk to and she's really good and babysat a couple of nights so I could go out with friends.
In August my friend was here too and asked if I wanted to go in October for 2 weeks, I said I wasn't sure as because it would just be me and the baby as my mum is away somewhere else, and that you (my friend) come here to get drunk every night and sleep into the late afternoon, and never leave the hotel in the day (we are self catering, so no entertainment in the hotel) so would maybe get a bit bored.
She promised me she wouldn't be like this, said she wanted a relaxing holiday to spend with me and the baby, and that we would do stuff in the daytime and she would just go visit other people she knows at night when I go back to the hotel to put the baby to bed and have a few drinks, but not get totally smashed.
So I said ok if you're sure then that's fine I'll come, and I told her I was just a little worried that i would be alone most days but she insisted it wouldn't be like this.
I have been here a week today, and every day she has slept until 12 or 1pm and then she goes for a nap at about 4pm because she's so hungover, we get ready to eat for about half 8/9 and then I take DD back for 11 cos that's when the loud music starts in all the bars. So basically I'm only seeing her 6 hoirs a day and most of those hours she's not very good company as she's hungover and just talks about all the boys who's given her attention.
Now I know it's her holiday too and she can do what she wants, and if she said this was what she wanted to do before we came i wouldn't have come.
I told her because i have the baby I can't be out at night but if we are going to do things in the daytime like go to the beach, boat trip etc etc then I would he fine with that.
The people staying here in the hotel are not very sociable either, sometimes someone will have a conversation with me but they just keep themselves to themselves.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that my friend is doing the opposite of what she said she would do? I've been on my own with the baby pretty much all day everyday so not really having adult company and of course I love my baby but there's only so much I can talk to a baby who can't talk back Smile
I've spoken to my friend about it but she didn't seem to think there was a problem as it was "her" holiday and she didn't want to wake up to an alarm on holiday.
I told her if she had said it was going to be like this before we came then I wouldn't have come but she said the total opposite, she said sorry but to be honest I think she's more interested in spending her time with the boys who work here and I feel like she just used me as someone to travel with and to say she's not alone.
What do you guys think?
I'm just not really having great time and DD is extra needy so i can't even shower or eat in peace, which she isn't usually like this but we are in a foreign place so I understand. It just would be nice for my friend to entertain DD for 15 mins while I showered quick. I explained how difficult it is for me to get ready but she didn't offer any sort of help either. It's just pretty shit being lonely in a forgein country.

OP posts:
Riojasmooth · 08/10/2018 06:32

You used to spend 6 months of the year there but don't know anybody at all?
It makes it sound quite an unfriendly place actually and not somewhere I'd keep returning to.
As for you friend, I'd say it's a lesson learned it trusting your own instincts. She is behaving how you knew she would.

StealthPolarBear · 08/10/2018 06:33

Yanbu and she's not a very good friend. She just wanted someone to share the costs. Not sure there's much else you can do though, how long do you have left?

SondheimFan · 08/10/2018 06:43

But you had local friends when you wee there in June and August — where are they now? Plus I would say that six hours a day is quite a lot of one-on-one time with your friend.

Monty27 · 08/10/2018 06:48

You need to learn how to make time with your baby and enjoy it. Do you need help all the time?
If so why?

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:50

I know people but they are either not here now, or not in the same town (bus ride away which would be fine but the buses are small and not pram accessible and my pram is a 2 part one which can't be folded down with one hand. Plus carrying s baby in hot weather is not ideal) the last 2 times I can my friends were here but have gone now now, being almost end of season.
6 hours is lucky though, most of the time it's less. 2 or 3 hours in the day, and then 2 or 3 hoirs at night when we go for food.
I didn't come on holiday to sit alone all day and only have company to eat. That's what I tried to point put before I came but she Seems to have changed her plans

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 08/10/2018 06:50

Your friend is being selfish but how on earth do you not know anyone when you used to live there?

NotANotMan · 08/10/2018 06:51

Ah ok
Yes you are being completely reasonable. Now you know never to go away with her again and also probably not to trust her word.

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:53

I don't need help all the time, I didn't say that. Just when we are gettin ready. I can't put her down she wants to be on me all the time and cries if i put her down, it's got to the point where my arm is contanstly aching cos she wants to be carried all the tkme. Just 15 mins for me to shower and get ready is what I need. I am trying to enjoy the time with the baby but there is only a swimming pool, and the water is very cold. I bought het a paddling pool but she's not entertained in it for long. What I wanted is adult conversation, because I don't get much at home either.

OP posts:
tictac86 · 08/10/2018 06:58

Go for walks and enjoy the baby in the sunshine. Shes just not experienced in what its like to have a baby. Abandon her for dinner and go on your own as this may show her what it feels like.

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:59

I did say DD was extra needy when out of her usual surroundings before we came, and that was another reason I wasn't sure about coming, but the friend insisted that she would be there to help with stuff like showering etc. I haven't been able to eat with both hands since gettin here, even when DD is sleeping it's like she smells the food and wakes up... she's cheeky lol Shock she's my baby of course and I would never ask someone to take on the tasks of looking after my baby but I explained before I just needed someone to keep her entertained while I showered

OP posts:
Ghanagirl · 08/10/2018 06:59

You used to holiday for 6 months a year?
Didn’t you work before having DD plus were’s baby’s father surely he would be more helpful

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:59

I I have booked a boat trip for me and baby now for Wednesday, I know the guy who owns the boat, although he will be working I'm hoping it will be some enjoyable time for us.

OP posts:
SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 07:02

I worked all winter 2 jobs to save alot of money, to enjoy my summer while I was young and did it with baby's father. Baby's father decided he didn't want a baby when I was 4 months pregnant and left. DD WAS A surprise as I was on the pill. Although I don't know what me working has to do with this post.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 08/10/2018 07:02

I think you need to write this friend off as someone to go on holiday with.

Monty27 · 08/10/2018 07:03

Get a flight home if you are lonely and miserable. Mind you I would not give your friend the free run. It's a difficult one.
Tell her you are leaving and she needs to sort out somewhere to stay.

Jagappa · 08/10/2018 07:05

Can you change your ticket and go home?

Namechanger55555 · 08/10/2018 07:05

YANBU. I would be pretty pissed off if I were you.
The fact is, she lied to you to get you to go out there and has pretty much ditched you.
She probably doesn't understand what it's like to have a baby- having a baby on holiday isn't a holiday in the normal sense of the word... It's just like regular parenting, but in the sweaty heat and away from familiar surroundings which makes it even harder work. Can you reiterate that too her?

whydoistayupsolate · 08/10/2018 07:09

Can you go home?

Monty27 · 08/10/2018 07:13

I have assumed it's your own place. If not you can't really tell her to bugger off.

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 07:15

We have separate rooms, I didn't want DD waking her up at 6am every morning and I didn't want to risk her coming in and waking up DD at night. So if I leave she is still fine for accommodation. I did look at flights, but they are expensive so I was just going to stick it out and try to do my own thing.
Namechanger55555 I did explain to her the other night that it's quite difficult with a baby on holiday, because she is extra needy and clingy I can't get anything done, she has just started teething too so she's quite irritable but not too much. She says she understands because her sister has a baby etc but doesn't really seem to be bothered. Nevermind I'll just try and do my own thing for now. I have 1 week left.

OP posts:
Ghanagirl · 08/10/2018 07:21

I don’t think I’d be reliant on others if I wanted to go on holiday with my own child.
You should maybe adjust your expectations as to how many holidays you take now you have a baby.

JingsMahBucket · 08/10/2018 07:27

In terms of flight prices, do they cost significantly much more than the cost of you staying there for another week? Example: food, transport, outings, etc? If not, then it may be worth it to book the ticket out of there.

An alternative may also be to try finding a travel playpen to put your daughter into so you can have a break to shower, eat, etc. You might be able to ask the hotel for one or find a local store that sells them.

You’re not being unreasonable. I’d be really angry in your situation as well.

MissGiddyPants · 08/10/2018 07:27

What an extraordinary amount of holidays you have!

How do you manage to shower at home?

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 07:32

@Ghanagirl im not reliant on anyone, I just explained to friend that she was extra needy on holiday so may need her to just entertain DD for 15 mins for me to shower and she told.me that's totally ok. If she said it wasn't I wouldn't have come.
All other times I don't need help and I can do it alone BUT I thought i would have some adult company most of this holiday too, which seems pretty much non existent.
The amount of times I take my baby on holiday is completely irrelevant, the problem was my friend basically abandoning me, Which would be a problem even without DD. When I plan to go on holiday with someone I would do things with them. Even before I had DD I was always awake pretty early even after drinking the night before.
If I had brought DD knowing I would be alone more than having company then I wouldn't be complaining at all because I would know what I would have been letting myself in for.
I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable for being a bit annoyed that she said things to get me to come and has now done the complete opposite. Which, as I said before, would be a problem a problem for me even without having DD

OP posts:
Jagappa · 08/10/2018 07:33

FFS. Ignore the idiots on here saying you have too many holidays/how do you manage at hime/you should enjoy the time with your baby

Your friend lied and is being really selfish. And it's normal to feel sad/angry/frustrated/lonely. If you can afford it and you would be happier, just buy the flight and go home. It's hard work with a baby on your own. And it feels even harder when you are with someone like your friend