About friend on holiday.

[SofaKingFedUp]

Basically, I holiday to a particular place very often, i used to come here for 6 months of the year but I had a baby beggining of this year so only did 2 weeks in June, August and now.
June and August my mum was with me so it was enjoyable because I had help with the baby if I needed, always had someone to talk to and she's really good and babysat a couple of nights so I could go out with friends.
In August my friend was here too and asked if I wanted to go in October for 2 weeks, I said I wasn't sure as because it would just be me and the baby as my mum is away somewhere else, and that you (my friend) come here to get drunk every night and sleep into the late afternoon, and never leave the hotel in the day (we are self catering, so no entertainment in the hotel) so would maybe get a bit bored.
She promised me she wouldn't be like this, said she wanted a relaxing holiday to spend with me and the baby, and that we would do stuff in the daytime and she would just go visit other people she knows at night when I go back to the hotel to put the baby to bed and have a few drinks, but not get totally smashed.
So I said ok if you're sure then that's fine I'll come, and I told her I was just a little worried that i would be alone most days but she insisted it wouldn't be like this.
I have been here a week today, and every day she has slept until 12 or 1pm and then she goes for a nap at about 4pm because she's so hungover, we get ready to eat for about half 8/9 and then I take DD back for 11 cos that's when the loud music starts in all the bars. So basically I'm only seeing her 6 hoirs a day and most of those hours she's not very good company as she's hungover and just talks about all the boys who's given her attention.
Now I know it's her holiday too and she can do what she wants, and if she said this was what she wanted to do before we came i wouldn't have come.
I told her because i have the baby I can't be out at night but if we are going to do things in the daytime like go to the beach, boat trip etc etc then I would he fine with that.
The people staying here in the hotel are not very sociable either, sometimes someone will have a conversation with me but they just keep themselves to themselves.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that my friend is doing the opposite of what she said she would do? I've been on my own with the baby pretty much all day everyday so not really having adult company and of course I love my baby but there's only so much I can talk to a baby who can't talk back
I've spoken to my friend about it but she didn't seem to think there was a problem as it was "her" holiday and she didn't want to wake up to an alarm on holiday.
I told her if she had said it was going to be like this before we came then I wouldn't have come but she said the total opposite, she said sorry but to be honest I think she's more interested in spending her time with the boys who work here and I feel like she just used me as someone to travel with and to say she's not alone.
What do you guys think?
I'm just not really having great time and DD is extra needy so i can't even shower or eat in peace, which she isn't usually like this but we are in a foreign place so I understand. It just would be nice for my friend to entertain DD for 15 mins while I showered quick. I explained how difficult it is for me to get ready but she didn't offer any sort of help either. It's just pretty shit being lonely in a forgein country.

Feb2018mumma She's actually a really good sleeper at night. She sleeps at about 8 wakes at 4am for a bottle and then sleeps til about 7 so pretty much just like at home.

She should be a little bit more considerate then really, she's not just out of her teens. Especially as she told you it would be a chilled holiday, not a piss-up.

I'd be tempted to have some really noisy games at 8am. Or go for your shower and let little one scream for a couple of minutes. Won't do baby any harm but will hopeful disturb 'friend' - or is that a bit deliciously PA?
She has no consideration for your needs even though so agreed to be supportive before you came away so why should you respects her lie-in/hangover.

@SofaKingFedUp wow, she's old enough to know better.

Is it possible to contain baby in safely ( as in a playpen)? Put radio on in shower and just let her 'let loose'? Tough luck on friend. She'd suck it up if I were you.

My first Dd was like your baby. And we weren't even on holiday. I had to just leave her to it after I made sure she was safe.

When my Dd1 was about 9mnths she bawled her head off every day. My mum strapped her in her buggy and wheeled her to the top of the garden. Came back in, and made me sit down and enjoy my lunch. She stood by and kept an eye on her. A neighbour came to the door and told my mum Dd1 was crying! My mum thanked her politely, acknowledged her concern and carried on. Dd1 fell asleep. My mum was old-school and insisted periodically under supervision it wouldn't do her any harm. I've always felt guilty about that time. But strangely the tide turned after that episode.

Hope you muddle through OP. Readjust your expectations in future. And trust your gut.

Come off it everyone. Lets take the baby out of the situation. OP wanted some nice day trips, shopping, boat trip, eating out for lunch dinner, not every day but something different each day, you know, like people do when they go away. The friend isnt now interested in doing any of this and obviouly lied and pretended she would just to get OP to go away.

This is pure nosiness on my part OP but are you in Turkey? Some things you've said have made me think of similarities to a place I used to visit.

Anyway, YADNBU. Your "friend" has let you down and I agree with Pp's that she probably wanted you to come to reduce her costs.

I'm glad you've got a friend coming to visit and you have the boat trip to look forward to too.

To be honest, I'd be binning the pal off, doing my own thing at night, eating and sleeping around your daughters schedule and not this non-friends.

Glad your friend with kids is coming. I wouldn't go out of my way to extend your plans to your other mate as she's made it clear she's only there for the fun.

I don’t know really. The op has said she is spending 6 hrs a day with the friend which is a fair bit imo. I wouldn’t expect to be joined at the hip I had a baby so would be having to do baby friendly things all day. And surely if the friend said she would be drinking with another friend after 11 in the evening that was pretty much going to take mornings out of the equation.
If the op does feel that the friend deliberately deceived her to get her to go then it’s a lesson learned not to go away with her again or at least to adjust expectations or go in a group if she prefers company to doing her own thing with baby.

@DBN1 indeed I am in Turkey, what gave it away haha?
@MunkeeBum thanks, hopefully the last week can be a bit more enjoyable.

@PorkFlute 6 hours a day does sound reasonable, but as I said before it's usually less. 2 or 3 hours next to the pool, in which she sits on her phone or complaining of how hungover she is and not really engaging in conversation, and then 2 or 3 hours at night when we go to eat. Again during this time she is on her phone, tonight we Sat in the restaurant and she decided to video call a friend from home and then call her sister, which I get she may want to talk to them, I just thought maybe at dinner when my DD is sleeping and I can actually properly engage in conversation without being distracted it would've been nice to have a good chat. Rather than me sitting there listening to her conversation. Also before we came she made it clear that this holiday was for her to spend time.with me.AND the baby, and that she was looking forward to having a chilled holiday and doing stuff with the baby as she doesn't get to see us much because we live a 1.5 hour train journey away. I made my worries and expectations clear before I booked and she ensured me it wouldn't be like this.
But so far today more people have arrived at the hotel who are alot more sociable so I was chatting with some people around the pool and DD was happy as she was gettin attention too (She loves attention) and I have a friend coming with her children. So I can enjoy a bit more and know for next time that people who don't have children don't understand how holidays work for those with children and not to trust them when they say it will be different

@crispysausagerolls
Look at me all you want (over copies expression btw) OP asked if she was BU and in my opinion she was.
Her friend isn’t an employee and yes I’ve looked after my two alone overseas as have many others.

Regardless of how you cope at home and what has happened on previous holidays, the main point I think is that your friend persuaded you to come on holiday by saying she would do certain things, despite you telling her your reservations. And whether people think your expectations of your friend were right or wrong is irrelevant, you made them clear from the off. For her to promise things to get you to come and then go back on it like this is pretty unfair. I also don’t think it is too much for you to ask her to entertain the baby for 15 minutes while you get ready, it’s not like you’re leaving her with her for hours on end, it’s 15 minutes while you have a wash. If it was me I would go home or I would avoid her as much as possible and if she asks why tell her.

To be fair if she’s childless it could be that she didn’t really know what she was letting herself in for committing to spending so much time with someone else’s kid. I love my kids but I doubt I would want to be around anyone else’s all day every day on holiday.
Sitting absorbed in her phone in company is rude but increasingly common ime.
I’m glad you’re managing to make the best of things anyway.

Glad you're feeling happier OP😊

Ghanagirl

But this isn’t about being able to look after your children overseas. Your example with your husband was irrelevant as he was working. OP’s friend completely lied to her about how she was going to behave.

To me this is like someone inviting you out for a meal and then upon arrival at the restaurant, goes and sits at another table with someone else leaving you alone and certain posters here are basically saying you shouldn't complain about being ditched because you got a meal didn't you? And that you are BU and shouldn't have expected your dining companion to actually sit on the same table as you.

OP YANBU, I would be very upset at a friend talking me into something I didn't want to by promising certain things and then doing a 180.

Don't be her companion when it suits her now. Walk away and chat to the nice sociable people that have arrived. If you do end up eating with her, when she starts calling people and ignoring you, wander off and sit elsewhere. She is not a friend.

Am I right in thinking she got a discount thanks to you? Or something else out of the deal?

@ghanagirl I've never viewed my friend as an employee? If I was then surely i would be expecting her to be looking after and engaging with my daughter for more than 15 mins a day. You mentioned that you went away with DH and he would only.be there for a short time.because he was working, but you were fully aware that he was going to be working prior to going away? So therefore you knew he wouldn't be able to be there for a long time to help. If he had promised you a holiday together as a family and then decided to work after you got there, then you would be on the same page as me. I've never once viewed anyone as an employee. I've never even expected my friend to change a nappy or feed my DD. I just expected her to do what she said she would do before we came. To be a friend, to spend time with us, as in actually be in a fit state to do something or speak, other than lay next to us half dead or be too involved in conversations with people who aren't here (online). Bravo for looking after your kids alone on holiday.

@PorkFlute maybe you're right, maybe she didn't know what she was letting herself in for. I did try to explain how it would be as best I could, and she said it was fine but I guess you never really know how it is until you're in the situation.

Thank you @llangenith

@AwaAnBileYeHeid she got a little discount, but I think the main thing was she wanted something there when she needed. I mentioned to her about wanting to go home early the other day and she replied with "oh just abandon me then" and a couple of weeks before we came I wasn't feeling too good and mentioned if I wasn't better I wouldn't come and she told me I couldn't leave her alone as she wouldn't be able to go and that she was looking forward so much to spending time with us so we had to go. She hates flying, and the idea of being alone (which I only found out during this holiday) so I think I was seen as just a travel comfort/suppport, rather than a friend to spend time together.

indeed I am in Turkey, what gave it away haha? OK, Im going to take a stab in the dark at M*ari and the next resort you talked about is I**ler?

@DBN1 I'm at Bo*m

Ah, I wasn't too far off. Only about 4 hours by road
Have you had a better day today?

Op you are getting strange responses. You agreed to the holiday because your friend said she wouldn't do exactly what she is doing.

I also agree with her why should she not enjoy sleeping in or having a drink?

Because if the friend had been honest then the OP would have not come on holiday

And whether people think your expectations of your friend were right or wrong is irrelevant, you made them clear from the off.

This is what the OP says, but as her exchange with PorkFlute above suggests (ie, where it's clear that while the OP is annoyed that her friend has not offered to hold her baby while she showers, she had not explicitly asked her to do so), it's possible that the OP is not the best communicator, either.

Obviously, on the surface the friend is being deeply unreasonable, and has apparently reneged on the terms of their arrangement for the type of holiday it was going to be. BUT if the OP was less clear than she believes herself to have been about exactly what her expectations were, it's possible the friend thinks she's doing everything required in being physically present around the OP and her baby six hours a day?

I mean, it sounds as though the OP's complaints are partly that the friend isn't being good company when she's actually around her. Especially if the friend doesn't have a child herself, and isn't used to small babies and OP, she doesn't sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer, I have to say she may be under the impression that this is 'spending time with you and the baby'...?

God looks like some posters are jealous of all your holidays! Got no other excuse for the random vitriol and attacking of op.

Op - my friend lied and went back on our deal aibu?
Mn - where’s the dad? Why did you have so many holidays? Why didn’t you work before you had the baby?

Jeez. Op yanbu obviously. She’s used you for some company on her terms when you explicitly said it would be different with a baby. If coming home early isn’t an option could you talk to some of the locals find out where the local baby groups are etc? Try to make it more bearable for you and baby.

This ^

I think a lot of the responders are jealous of your holiday. YANBU.
either your friend is self absorbed and doesn’t realise she’s ignoring her promises or she’s not really your friend and can’t be bothered about your feelings.
Common thing when with a mum who is your friend is to help her a little bit with the baby so she can breathe and shower etc.

Ugh she's really fucked you over hasn't she.

She already had her piss up abroad just a few weeks before this trip, she is completely unreasonable. Purely because she promised it wouldn't be that way. You must be having a rubbish time.